A beautiful mountain, white with snow
A light breeze, a wind ice cold
Frozen in time, I stare in awe
Under ice is a heart so raw
Diamonds glistening, ice shimmering
An imbalance of time and minds dancing
Beauty and despair frozen in ice
Waiting for summer sun to pay the price
Still and quiet, but the pain screams in your head
Frozen in place beside your bed
Staring into the pains
A hundred rocks flow through your veins
A thousand needles biting skin
Outward calm, but screaming within
Summer warmth approaching
Ice slowly melting, diamonds gleaming
With perseverance you break the ice
It falls, shattering, what a sacrifice
I watch as there is nothing I can do
As your body shed the ice encasing you
It is beauty and despair, intertwined
Dripping to the floor, Oh how I adore
To watch you come alive. An uproar!
No longer frozen, full of motion
As if watching a glistening ocean
You stand tall, high above us all
For you melted the ice, made it fall
Leaving only a memory
Your fight so strong, dauntlessly
Standing, living, believing, and yet...
Your feet are wet, so with regret
I must inform of icy returns
Gone are the days of summer sunburns
For ice will come, it will be done
Your body shunned from our warm sun
You will freeze again, be lost again
Icy diamonds will shine like back then
You must remain strong while waiting,
Frozen in time that is crippling
Shed your ice everyday, overcome
One day Summer will stay and all this will be done

A new lunch on the
Green bed; pumpkins in the plate;
Musk roses, dessert!

Some days are gone before they leave...
that taste in my mouth
Why do I care?
What is this air?
going in by itself?

I should drink coffee black
take chocolate bitter
My wine turned to vinegar
Acerbic
so next to
spit-
out
the ferments of rage

There are words
there is nothing
there are words
there is nothing
there are words
there is nothing
as abandoned

as a vacant page

I may be losing my short term memory
This feels unreasonable
I do protest, this cannot be!
I do remember my childhood quite well
Past memories pop through my mind in spells
Unfortunately, I did not read The Bible then
Truthfully, I was too busy partaking sin
Deep within my heart I knew
Jesus loves me
Foolishly I relied upon myself to pull me through
Then came the day
The pain hit my brain
Opening my mind, at last
I asked for forgiveness
He changed my ways
Now I follow Him
Day to day
Traumas from my past days
Have made my short term memory
Prematurely slip away
Times of sorrow tend to step in
I cannot remember any scripture
I am sure I know
I have decided my new defense
Will be to pray
Prayer brings peace, assurance
It's okay
In my heart and in my soul
Is all the love that Jesus needs me to know
He wants me to keep
Reading my Bible everyday
Even though I do not remember the words
In my heart His Spirit stays
In actuality this is an advantage for me
Each time I read The words
They open my mind to visions
My memory sparks it may have heard
My heart knows it is not the very
First reading of the line
Still the joy is fresh each and every time
I will continue to pray
As Father God opens my eyes
To the realization my handicap
Is joyously helping me find my way

For that one night that made us feel alive
For all the fleeting moments we never thought we'd share together
For all the stories we painted in shallow walls
For the sins that we almost committed, but didn't
For the pain that you've caused my heart
For all the thank you's
For all the goodbyes
This is my final goodbye
You'll forever linger in my mind

When I was little I used to be scared of everything.
I swore there were bloodstains on the coffee table.
One night my grandma saw me fist fighting in my sleep.
You can’t forget the traumatic things.
It haunts me in my dreams.
My mother did the best she could.
I don’t blame her. **** happens and you roll with the punches.
My father never said he loved me enough.
I used to sit by the front door waiting for his headlights but once again, another no show.
He loved the liquor more than me.
I don’t blame him.
Because now I do too.
I wish I could fill the white spaces with something wholesome, something sweet.
But by now the pain has become another layer of my being.
I’m formed with bad habits tied into my heartstrings.
Like the bittersweet taste smeared across my gums and in between my teeth.
And I can’t help but look in the mirror and ask myself, “who were you before the world made you cold?”
My mother says I was the empathetic one.
As long as I can remember I’ve been living life on the run.
Hiding from myself, stuffing, suppressing all emotions.
I used to know what it was like to drown but now I steer clear of the oceans.
I used to tell myself that I swallowed that water instead of drowning but my lungs just grew accustomed to breathing underwater.
I lost my virginity when I was thirteen to a man who was much more stronger than me.
He would press my face into the sheets, making it seemingly impossible to breathe.
He’s the reason why I started drinking.
I’d love to feel that burning sensation crawling down my throat into the pit of my stomach.
It hurt less than the nights he’d creep into my bedroom.
I used to sleep in the closet.
It took years of therapy to break that habit.
I won’t ever let the fear of him seep into my bone marrow again.
It’s like the word UNLOVABLE is tattooed on my inner thigh.
I wish people came with warning labels.
I wish my mother could see the signs before he laced his body with mine.
But I don’t resent her for it.
It’s not her fault.
And if you ever ask me if I regret anything I’ll say no.
Because all of this molded me into the person I am today.
Some days it’s hard to keep the bad thoughts at bay.
They swim in my waters making the currents hard to stand against.
But when the world is falling apart around me I refuse to crumble.
Because I am strong.
And I still choose to believe that most people are good.
I refuse to be cynical.
I refuse to let the bitterness hide in my small intestine.
I won’t let the enemy win by making me cold again.
I am warm sunshine, I am the feeling of sand between toes, I am celestial.
And I will associate myself with the word strong. I will take that to my grave.
Because I refuse to be defined by anything less than brave.

The sun sets as I look at your face.
        Eyes sparkling,
                  Cheeks glowing,
                                 And your heart full.

The sun falls into darkness as you look at me.
         Eyes dull,
                   Cheeks pale,
                                  And your heart empty.