Heard with my own ears
Beheld with my own eyes
Yet now, with empty bottles by,
Lies doubt in things remembered
True in the moment, believed
Then hidden bits unfold
And muddle the edges of memory
Words once trusted, now skewed
Hearts once borrowed seem stolen
And the "truth" tastes like a lie

I have one last request. **** me.
Help me run away. Anything.
I sit here in agonizing pain as
I press my frozen fingertips
Into my burning eyes,
Trying,
Fighting,
Murdering every tear that threatens to escape.
I feel chilled across every expanse of my skin and
I wait for the end that I have wanted for so long.

Distance looms
In close proximity
A thousand miles away
Close enough to touch
Together alone
Alone Together
No words
Silence is deafening
A smile and a nod
Polite discomfort
Alone together
Together alone

We call ourselves weak
close my eyes
I'm at my peak
My rage has reached the top
My reign won't ever stop
I'm screaming at the ground
Burn this place down
"I hope you didn't care
Little gay looking boy
Not okay little boy
They all spit the venom in your face little boy!"
I'm rising up
Higher than the highest high
Cuz I hit my lowest low
I lost that last relapse battle
We're all stuck with our salary
Listening just to call the fallacy
Don't climb the tree
Pull lies outta me
I'm done
Lost and gone
Back to the beginning
This is how I bleed
Call the end finality

the story of her life
is such that it has no real beginning
a child thrown into adulthood
still treated like a child
abandoned and reclaimed
altered and unnoticed
The words were never spoken
no one ever asked
decades pass and they forget
she carries the nightmares, alone
it is time that it unfolds for all
time for the ugly to be shared
and room to be made for better things
now that it is time, there is no telling
there is no tale
beginning where, as a child
at the tragedy, after the pain?
it must be told,
it is her story
but the words won't come

Stuck in a time long since passed. Heart emptied hopeless. Faces blur along with the days. Nights linger incessantly, haunting all that ever was.  Dreams tease happy.  Sun kills dreams. Time makes scars. Distance allows the fallacy to continue.  The lies turn daily mantra.  The mantra into perceived reality. Reality into dreams, the dreams into nightmares.  Sun cannot **** nightmares.

Hollow glass hearts bleed
Puddle will evaporate
To exist no more

Joy-filled memories leach all hope for future joy.  Heart crushed to powder. Powdered hearts cannot bleed.  Dead hearts cannot feel. Memories, overflow with the shadow of love's embrace. Pain jabs the senses like lightning.  Still, the heart has ceased to exist.  Calluses fill the space that scars cannot.  False emotion permeates the truth.  Future acquaintances see beauty behind dead eyes.  As they close in, icy breath freezes long enough to drain their heart to beat some life into the one lost. Walking away with minimal pulse as their heart is hollowed and bleeding.  Soon too, that puddle with cease to exist.  

**Life's casualties
Joy begets pain begets joy
Hope dies most quickly

Combusting into green flames
The photographs bleed black smiles.

Fumes inhaled. Stinging the eyes.
A twisted mass of flesh lay on the ground.

Breaking the dark for a moment.
Their hearts slowly shimmer out.

Looking at their faces
It seems they lied.

Crumbling into mere soot
They stare at me no more.

Behind those eyes of blue-gray-green
Lies a heart of which is seldom seen
Though hard for some to realize
There's a world of pain behind said eyes
From drama of torn childhood
From doing bad but being good
To grown up tears of discontent
From words once spoken but never meant
And now with empty bottles past
With clarity one hopes will last
Can be seen a glimpse of inner peace
Of eager joy which begs release
Though years of numbness linger still
Denying freedom to laugh at will
A perfectly polished yesteryear
Cradles everything the heart holds dear
The memories of warmth and fun
Tarnish easily out in the sun
When walking backwards leads you blind
One can never leave the past behind
The farther away the better it seems
Even the nightmares look like a dream
Now, when walking heel to toe
Facing the way you want to go
The road's less bumpy for the ride
Obstacles faced with longer strides
The light behind those eyes still burns
As chapters end and pages turn
The book continues day by day
Joy slowly rises come what may
Living is what makes us strong
To do what's right when we've been wronged
And though that pain may never die
There's no place left for it to hide
It's worn dull by loves embrace
Displaced, in time, with joy and grace
And then those eyes of blue-gray-green
Will sparkle new with brighter sheen
For a heart that's swelled to greater size
Will be foretold behind those eyes

911 used to be scabbed on the back of my
knees, and soaked carpets
were like coming
home. her eyes were nothing like
mine, and the police always
wanted to know. but i hated the way their
lips smacked against their teeth.


911 used to be tied to my fingers with
****** ribbons, and if you ask me who my kindergarten
teacher was, i couldn’t tell you.
chocolate milk nights were thick with
bruises. i made friends with the images in between the tiles
in the bathroom.

911 used to be etched on my stomach,
and even now i cannot see red blue and white flashing lights
without wanting to puke.
six months is forever when you’re seven years old,
but daddy
always said life is too short
anyway.

It lifts my spirits, even when they aren't down
It resonates with all things happy
Makes me tremble to the core
The expectation of its warmth
Comes as waves of unforeseen joy
When the ride ends it is always bittersweet
Until tomorrow
Until next time
When that time draws near
I wait with bated breath
In hopeful anticipation, I linger
Almost as an afterthought in throaty air
Like distant thunder in a cloudless sky
With a deep rumble and a Southern drawl
Sweet dreams always follow