When I get lost I depend on you
to help me find my way but lately
I can't see because of the weight
of what I'm missing.
Will it ever cease?
For a while your love was enough;
****, it should still be enough but
my brain’s imbalance
is ******* me over with
constant neediness of something,
like a craving for citrus or salt…
I’ll try anything to make
the need go away
and I already have.

Many work well but not for long,
others work fast but aren't as strong,
The best work fast and leave no trace,
but ask for more, and more,
and more until without
you just might die,
and with,  
you're just getting by,
the deceptive little *******
will eat you up in the end,
while you chase the need  
and wish you could go back
to where you didn't know
what you know now.
but would it matter?

They say to be partial to only one
is fortunate. I don’t buy it.
I try to replace the one with
combinations of 3 or 4
but ****, they will never do
for me what one did.
I won’t say what one is for me
but you know what one is for you,
and if by chance
your one is more than one
I pray God have mercy on you
because fighting one battle
is battle enough.

Have you ever considered that
to be clean means to live
every day for the rest of your life
with complete knowledge that
you will never, ever, as long as you live
feel as good as you did the first time?

I give in once in a while,
then go cold and sweat for a week.

You know you’re ******
When the suffering is worth it.

I am a friend of yours,
I am a friend of hers.
I am a friend of him,
I am a friend of kids.

I will bring you down,
I can make you frown.
I can make you cry,
I can get you high.

You can't get enough,
then we'll fall in love.
You'll waste your money,
all on me.

I'll show you highs,
I'll show you lows.
I'll show you all the places,
we can go.

Hello,
I am your drug.
Hello,
I am your addiction.

I will tear down reality,
I will **** your family.
I will take away your friends,
and prove there's no end.

I'll make you feel,
completely invisible.
There will be no laws,
no principles.

I am your drug,
I am your addiction.

I'll let you fall,
and lose it all.
Lose your mind,
fall behind.

I'll slowly **** you,
and not care.
As you cry out,
life's not fair.

I am your drug,
I am your addiction.
I am your drug,
I am your addiction.

Someone once asked me,

When you close your eyes,
do you know if the darkness ends?

I replied,

No, I'm just as lost as you are.

It's then that I realized,
is it my own fault I'm lost?
Why am I worrying about the small things?
Why does it matter where the darkness ends?
I'll find my way out...right?

I'm starting to think,
that my narcotics are narcissistic.
I'm starting to think,
that they think they can control me.
I'm starting to think,
antidepressants are tricking me into thinking I'm weak.
But I'm starting to think,
that it doesn't matter where the darkness ends.

I'll find my way out of the lethargic fog clouding brain;
kicking and screaming and clawing
like I usually do.
Does the darkness ever end?
Does it even matter if it does?

I'll fight it 'til the ******* end.
**Antidepressants do not make me weak.

I get high to get by.
It's the only way I see,
to ease the pain that's slowly
growing inside of me.
My friends can't stand the change,
they give me misguided looks,
they seem to look at me
like my face is full of hooks.
I hate to see them judge me,
but they don't really know,
I've found a path to happiness,
but it seems so false and slow.
They think I'm like a stoner,
smoking myself to space,
but really, I'm a loner,
looking for an embrace.

The only place I feel safe,
is tucked inside his arms.
I feel like a helpless waif,
so in need of his charms.
Cuz my parents bring me down,
and I'm unsure of my friends,
could anyone accept me,
without going through a cleanse?
Cuz I'm done with faking happy,
for everyone else's sake,
this little slice of happy
is for me, only, to take.

I don't know how to tell you,
that it's so hard to get by,
and if there's one thing that I've realized,
it's that I only smile when I'm high.

I used to run-Never for fun--I would more often be running away from something than to it. I think it started in childhood. Never staying in one place long enough to have to fight every kid in the school.-I liked and i hated it. More often i had no control over it. On reflection it was for the better, my nose bleed too much for a kid my age. -In the second phase of my running career I began running out. Never telling the bosses to go play in heavy tracffic or do your **** self. I had morales and above all practised good manners. Instead i would tell the bosses that i was taking out the trash and make my freedom dash. -Oh, beleive me I flet free. The funny part was when the bosses would call my parents. Just as countless pricipals would do when i skipped classes. My parents would luagh and call them an ***. -Then i began running away. I only did it once...well that's a lie. I ran away from my highschool guidence office, far too drunk to face my parents scorn. "Yeah i drank it all. i replaced it with water, much healthier." -The last time I ran away I thought I was going to find myself. I had lost a part of myself to drugs and alcohol. I thought for sure i would find myself on the other side of the country on a small island on the Pacific Ocean. I went to rehab and could not find the person i went looking for. I thought briefly i had found myself, but when I looked in the mirror i could not even recognize my own face. I blamed my mustache. -I realized that running away to find myself i ran away from my family and my friends. Alas the old dies so the new can be born. -In my opinion if one is to run away it's for good. Never to return to such and such a place again, unless of course you have to do your taxes.