You bathed me in a bath
Full of shards of broken glass
That glimmered and swam
So beautifully bright
"Not all beautiful things catch the light" you said
Such cynical views for a patient man
Such awful thoughts of blood once shed
"It doesn't mean they're not there."
Then you ran
ran
ran
Like the coward you were

I bathed you in roses
But forgot to take out the thorns
See my beauty wasn't intended
But neither was yours

"Sometimes the smallest things, can hit the hardest."
Another one of your wise saying's

No wonder you were guarded

Now I bathe him in feathers
And ashes
and death
But the dead don't speak from their coffins
And blood wasn't shed
From all the things that we said

Like our words could fix
what was broken somewhere else
You said that only paper clips
And broken strings

Could undo the damage
One does to *oneself

Because of that love,
I loved.
Because of that love,
I cared.
Because of that love,
I hid.
Because of that love,
I changed.
Because of that love,
I tried.
Because of that love,
I compelled.
Because of that love,
I condemned.
Because of that love,
I lost.
Because of that love,
I lied.
And because of that love,
I cried.

I coat myself in fire,
It licks all my imperfections
Covering me from eyebrow to ankle
Vibrant like firework animals
Dancing on every inch of skin

Dragons eating each other’s tails
Tattooed onto me with hints of cinnamon and
Sweaty gold that sits under my skin.
I hunger for the heat
That eats at my hair

But the ice inside me
Fills all the space
Crawling into every bubble of air
Surging through my blood like breaths
Pushing the warmth away.

Fog rolls out of my eyes and ears
Lips, suffocating blue
Pressed between two shells
I reach out,
Fingers and features melting.

I have holes in my armour
Letting tiny snowflakes
Float out from between my eyelashes
Waltzing like summer lanterns
Dissolving in the whites of people around me.

I spew frost
With every icy word,
It drifts up from my stomach like a large satin cloud,
Even when the crystal lilies melt on my teeth and
My skin glows like embers in the air.

I should find my mould
A slot in a deck of fanned out cards
Filling out the colours

Settle into me

As the skies kissed the moon,
the light which will let me perceive
my shadows scrawled with scars;
as I will walk through these roads,
the wind which will touch
my skin with tears,

it will be hard to breathe
but my mind will not stop breathing
and my heart will be filled up
with gallons of water,

I will cry beyond these walls,
I cannot stand still
'til my last teardrop falls,

when our fingers will not fit anymore.
when the spark fades through
the midst of darkness,
when our hearts will not beat as one,
when you run out of voice to call,
I will hold you still
'til my last teardrop falls,

as every memory will be burnt
into scattered ashes,
as every word uttered
will only compromise goodbyes,
and ---

as the skies kissed the moon,
the light which will let me perceive
my shadows scrawled with scars;
as I will walk through these roads,
the wind which will touch
my skin with tears,

when fragile moments were gone,
you will remain beautiful ---
and I will love you still
'til my last teardrop falls.

My dad, he saved a child
Almost two summers ago
Beat on his lifeless chest
Until he got up and started breathing on his own

Whilst I, in this empty house
Make promises I cant keep
And feed my blood to sharp razor blades
Because I know its a luxury to weep

I wanted to be the one to tell them
That Grandpa died
To summon up human reaction
But as soon as I watched their faces crumple
I wanted to take it back and say "I lied"

Just like how he battled to keep that kid alive
I wanted to stop him, shake him, say
"Dad, leave it, hes better off, you see this world is a filthy filthy place,
its a ******* ***** world daddy, you'd be doing him a favour.
So Save your breath
Save his grace."

But I didn't, I stood and watched and felt
nothing

While his mother pounded on my fathers back
Screaming words like "God" and "Please" and "Son."
As if there are such things


As I, in this empty house
Carve my wrists
And paint ****** pictures on
white hairless canvases
and think about that little boy

That my father saved

I look through my telescope.
Try to aim
steadily.
But all I see
and focus on
is blue-gray nothing.

I admire the stars
and I look for the moon
but I'm sad to admit
my telescope lacks zoom.

Maybe the world's moving too fast
and I'm not quick enough.

Maybe it's just that my patience didn't last
Don't think I've got the stuff.--
to make this the night
I envisioned it to be.
The fire the dogs the telescope and me.

Well the flames at least
are still here to see.

on the outside, nobody'd ever known he was unhappy.
he had his mother's eyes, soft and blue,
reminded me of babies for some reason.
he used to pop in every now and then to give me the news,
gossip he'd heard at school that day,
the what-not.
i was real sick at the time, mama had to keep me hidden away sometimes,
ya know, i think she was a little ashamed seeing how it was a little her fault.
i didn't blame her for nothin' though.
anyways, he came and went as he pleased, nice boy he was.
used to wrap me up in a blanket and wheel me onto the porch so we could watch
the cars and the rich folk with dogs jog right on by, like they ain't never seen a girl with no hair
and a boy as handsome as he was.
we was a regular spectacle, a bonafide freak show,
and them people they always gonna talk, but he told me that the only people that listen are
the ones doin' the talkin', and that ain't us, so we ain't listenin'.
i didn't find out about his daddy until about a month after it happened,
for some reason people have a hard time telling someone who's dying that somebody died,
can you believe that?
he stopped comin' around so much after that, figured it was 'cause a his mama (with the eyes)
needin' extra help round the house.
weeks, maybe even a month went by 'fore i saw him again,
but he wasn't the same boy, and i sure as hell wasn't the same girl.
he looked at me, with them eyes, as if he'd just lost the lottery.
ya know, he sat me down and told me that he couldn't be around me no more,
seeing as how i was dyin' and all. ( i thought that was pretty dumb, i may be dyin' but i ain't dead yet)
he held my hand in his, his was a little clammy, i think 'cause he was so sad and all.
we sat there for a few minutes, hand in hand, thinkin' bout life and death, and the johnny carson show.
now, he never said nothin', but i think he loved me. i never got to find out the truth though.
he disappeared after that day, nobody heard from him, his mama was all outta sorts.
i think he left town, couldn't stand seein' people lookin' at him and me all the time,
the bonafide freakshow,
couldn't stand bein' round his broken mama.
doesn't really matter where he went off to, he was gone just the same.
some days, when im sittin' on the porch, wrapped up in a blanket, waiting to die,
i feel his clammy hand holdin' mine.
you see, when you don't have much left to live for,
it's people like him that save you.

I remember that summer by the lake
How you were surprisingly quiet that day
and nice to everyone which was weird
no sarcastic remarks
or swearing

so unlike you

your wit had died down
if we hadn't known better
we would of said you were distracted
But grateful for the change in your
demeanour
and teaching me to skip stones
If only you had taught me how to place my heart in my palm
and throw that away
instead

You weren't one for smiles
but you didn't like dramatic send offs either
that's why I was surprised when we found your cold body on the floor
bathed in the afternoon sun
In your fathers cabin
by that god forsaken lake
Under that red sky that turned everything the shade of your blood

Cassie slipped and fell and screamed
But I didn't hear her I was too busy focusing on you
willing myself to see a chest rising and falling
but all there was, was static
somewhere beyond Cassies screams

And Luke rushed to somehow clasp your wounds shut
The reflexes of a Doctor's child
But he didn't see that there was no more blood left to flow
and you were blue and cold
but you seemed unburdened of whatever
was eating
you

I remember feeling relief
I stood there
numb

We laughed at your funeral
At the irony of it all
and when your aunt got up and said you were the most
kind, generous young man
we almost died of laughter then

you were the most cold sarcastic ******we ever met

but still loved you

Jake elbowed me and said "What would he do if he was here right now?"
I smiled  "He'd jump out that ******* coffin and give his mother a heart attack"
Because it was you after all
You did love dramatic endings

"Mane, that girl's so fine,
I think
I might **** her," Heck laughs.

I don't know how the conversation
dawdled
to this.

I don't know where we came from.

But it's here now.

The bones are loose,
the mind is loose,
the lips are loose.

And we end up saying things
without knowing
that we're saying them.

We here ourselves talk,
and the hurt
is numb.

My virginity
a security blanket,
I keep at the foot of my bed.

It doesn’t shield me from loneliness,
It’s purely for show.

I imagine limbs tangled in that blanket.
Our breathes mingling to create dream clouds.

Legs combining like tree roots.
A tentative hand and trembling lips,
The tangible reality of my nerves.

Sooth me with my favorite line from Jane Austen,
Darling I just might love you.

Hips grind against hips

We’re two halves of a love poem.
You, the undying love
Me, the inevitable disappointment.