Recovery - Hello Poetry

Feb 12

Michael Jones

Sometimes I speak
   with a certainty
   conceived by a pain
   that has all but deserted me.

And some nights there’s shame,
   and deservedly so…
   an unbearable weight,
   unnerving and cold…

And I,
   I’m feel flawed
   (but I know I’m not broken)
   I’m feeling down
   (but determined to rise again)

I’m feeling flawed…

               …but I’m not.

I’m done being careless.
I’m through with the reckless
   decisions I’ve made
   and the victim I’ve played.

I’ll rise
   +from the ashes
       of the bridges I’ve burned.
   +up through rain clouds
       never to return here again.

I’ll let the rain cover my tracks.
If I can’t find my way,
   I can never come back here again.

I’m feeling flawed…

               …but I’m not.

Feb 12

Michael Jones

To Quell The Desire

I’ve spent the day estranged
Wishing for a brighter day
The clouds were lined with silver
And the sun was gleaming over the river
But the moments I skipped over
We’re the chances I left smoldering
And if silence was the captain
Then my tongue was her right hand
And I left us both apart
And blamed the wind for my faulty sails

So without words I sold my soul
I stole a goal just to stay cold
In the heat of this mid-spring afternoon
I spent blaming myself for this lack of you

I dream in shapes, not sounds,
That bleed together to shed the ground
Of any shadows I left around
My mistakes are making waves
But I won’t leave the drag of the undertow

So, today, I made mistakes
And blamed the way the earth could quake.
Instead of seeking out the calm,
I built a storm and blamed the rain.

There are many things that I fall short on
And not getting up seems to be what haunts me.

I am grateful for the sunset
So I can start again anew

#recovery #hope

Feb 12

Michael Jones

The Day The Truth Grew Up

I wake up to the sound
        of empty halls
        ’cause your not here
The phone’s not ringing like it used to.

I know that you’re not coming home.

I found myself
        sitting on your empty bed.
I swear I heard your voice inside my head.

...

Then I felt the darkness come
        and cover my heart…

                                        the day the truth grew up.

I see the things I’ve done
        with a different point of view
        because of you.
And I’m not saying that I’m thankful.
                                        In fact...
        I’m mad as hell
        because you’re not coming home.

I was managing a halfway-house years ago. Three guys that went through the recovery facility snuck out of the house on a Monday morning a little after midnight. They were drinking and had a horrible accident, rolled their van and two did not survive. The one that came in the same day as I did 6 months prior was put on life support with a broken neck. He survived and is paralyzed from the neck down.

These three guys were very dear to me, as we grew together in this new way of life, and I can’t begin to express the storm of emotions I encountered. But I realized that is what this is for me, selfishly. A storm.

From a blog I used to write the day after the accident:

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE BRIGHTER DAYS AFTER THE RAIN WASHES THE PAIN AWAY
02/26/14

Today I woke up and talked with a few clients at the facility before going to work. I genuinely listened to what each person had to say. I saw my fiance and when I looked her in the eyes, I cherished that light in her eyes I fell in love with, My father called me and I didn’t get off the phone until both of us had run out of things to say. I felt more alive today than I have in I don’t know how long.

This has been a tragic shake in my personal world, but it has also been a great eye opener for me. For today, that does not have to be my outcome. I will cling to each moment I am granted as best I can. I am mourning for the families of my brothers. May angels lead them in.

#loss #tragedy #recovery #hope

— The End —