the worlds spilled forth from my fountain of a mouth,
and i wished to drink them back down.
the look in his eyes said it down.
tell my lungs to breathe, in out. in out. in out.

the heat swallows me whole, claiming Did you not want fire?
We must be careful what we wish for, to break ice.
I was left upon the countertop to thaw.
tell my lungs to breathe, in out. in out. in out.

ice packs for my back, sweat forming into beads that can't make necklaces.
alone in the look you had that tells me you mean the opposite.
and then i will not be saved in his keeping grace.
tell my lungs to breathe, in out. in out. in out.

When I was younger, I read something that said
If you’re going to bail, bail early
And it made sense, so I became a quitter who gave up easily;
When my dad finally left my mom, I told him that
If you’re going to bail, you should have bailed earlier.

Years later, when I met a boy,
I hated myself a lot. And I warned him.
He did not seem to mind loving a broken girl,
Even someone who decided to quit so often.
I decided to not give this up.
And on my darkest nights, I told him,
If you’re going to bail, then bail.

I guess it wasn’t fair of me, to make him promise to stay.
So everyone so often, I’d tell him:
If you’re going to bail, then bail.
But he refused to, he wouldn’t bail.
Yet he gave up in every other way,
That every time I said it to him,
I was actually begging him
If you’re going to bail, then please just bail.

And 3 years later, I felt weak and still broken.
I had learned that love can’t fix your soul,
But even still weak, I felt strong enough
To tell myself it was okay, that
If you’re going to bail, it is okay to bail.

6 months later, I still wish I could tell him
It was right for me to bail
And all these feelings inside my chest
Are normal. Because I begged him to leave me
So many times and he refused just to
Not love me in the right ways.
And I’ve only told the new boy once,
And he refuses too, but he loves me more
Intensely so that I tell myself
*If you’re going to bail, don’t bail.