Time after time,
my first instinct is right.
"This winter break is going to  be hell."
~Two Days Later~
"This isn't so bad...Maybe i was wrong..."
~Two Hours Later~
Step Mom ******, Screaming...
"Jesus, I'm a *******."
Time after time,  
I should have learned by now.
"You're the pastors daughter, why do you look so depressed?"
"What's wrong with you? Why do you always have a bad look on your face?"

*I don't know, what is wrong with me...?

P- ain
L- ingers
E- verlastingly.
A- lways
S- uffering
E- ternally.
H- ell
E- ffaces
L- ove
P- ermanently.

Something is very wrong,
Have i been like this all along?
Now that all the drama and pain has gone away...
I still feel all the pain.

Something is very wrong,
I feel that i've sensed it all along.
First i was cutting,
then i stopped eating.
Now i overeat.
When will these disgusting cycles end.

Something is very wrong,
My mother doesn't love me,
My father expects something i cannot deliver.
My sister looks up to me.

Something is very wrong,
I have felt this way all along...
When was my smile real?

I have picked up this diary,
And I look inside.
So much has changed,
In so little time.
August to December,
So much to remember.
August to December,
So much has dismembered.

Drowning,
I am Drowning.
As water fill my lungs,
There is a pounding.
As my life comes into perspective,
and i FINALLY understand.
Stupidly, my last thought is:
"Oh, I am finally dying."