EDNA: Please sit down, William. How are you today?
WILLIAM: Fine thank you, Edna. How are you? I read that you were having trouble with your piles.
EDNA: Mind your own ******* business. I'm doing the interviewing here.
WILLIAM: Sorry, Edna.
EDNA: Right, now I hear you are a wife-swapper. How did that start?
WILLIAM: Well, Edna, after I had been married a few years, I got fed up with ******* the same **** and so I started wandering a bit. And my ******* wife found out and broke my leg with a sledge hammer.
EDNA: That must have hurt.
WILLIAM: Of course it ******* well hurt. Not only that, it made ******* impossible for months.
EDNA: [laughing sympathetically] And then?
WILLIAM: Well, once the leg mended, since I still fancied a bit of spare nookie, I suggested to my lady wife, we try some wife-swapping.
EDNA: How did she react to your mentioning swinging?
WILLIAM: Swinging? You mean life my wife's fat *******?
EDNA: I'll ignore that. Get on with the story for Christ's sake. You'll bore my readers' **** off.
WILLIAM: As I was saying, she was quite keen on it. In fact she said 'As long as the geezers involved have a bigger **** than yours, I'm up for it'.
EDNA: Yes, I heard your **** was small, William.
WILLIAM: Anyway, we joined the Maidstone Wife-Swappers Club the next week and have been swapping ever since.
EDNA: Ever since? How long ago was that, then?
WILLIAM: About five years ago, Edna. The MWSC meets once a month, there's usually quite a few couples there and we go most times, especially if we've heard there's some new members, if you get my meaning.
EDNA: Members? Members? That's a good one. You should be on the stand-up circuit with material like that, William.
[Edna and William laugh gaily]
EDNA: Tell me, do you swap with only one couple at these swingers parties? Or do you mingle, so to speak? Roughly many couples have you swapped with, then?
WILLIAM: As a result of our participation in at the Maidstone Wife-Swappers meetings, I have shagged 84 women and Eileen, my dear wife, has been ****** by 245 men.
EDNA: You can go now.
WILLIAM: Pardon me?
EDNA: *******.
*[Interview terminated at this point.]