Blood
streaming down my face
I feel them
it touches my toungue
there's a mettalic taste
I wipe it off my cheek
the red is on my hands
I look around
no one's here
I feel the blood
flowing
now there's a salty taste
I know what it is from
it's from my liquid pain
fury
the turrents flowing out with the blood
they're mixed
my tears and blood
I reach my hands up
but I don't hide
I just wipe them off
but not completely
never completely
and I feel the mixture
I bring my hands in front of me
and mix the blood and tears
between my fingers
with *******
I make war stripes on my cheeks
I look ahead
at my battle ground
I stalk forward
an evil smile playing on my lips
I throw my head back
open my mouth
and let out a growl
that ended with a barking laugh
I look ahead
I keep going
out into the world
to show my scars
seen and unseen
I hold my head up
open the door
and walk out into the darkness
that unforgiving
untouchable
unseeing yet ever seeing
darkness

I'm gonna leave
this world I'm giving up on
there's too much crap
to much pain
to much.......
what is left
what can there be
what can become
why am I asking
there's nothing I can do
nothing I can see
nothing......
I'm done
people all around
trying to be real
when they are so fake
it's unreal
.....like I said
so fake.......
I can't do this anymore
can't live like this anymore
I'm grabbing the glinting metal
I run my thumb over the edge
I smile as the blood trickles down
that metallic red
so thick and beautiful
it runs from the shallow valley
I gasp as I press the edge into my palm
just a quick pain
then nothing
a beautiful thing
the most wondrous loss
I've ever felt
I run my fingers through the gush
it is my paint
I can place it on the page
and make a beautiful disaster
because it is
*it's my beautiful disaster

Well, I'm still here
still breathing
still yearning
I can't stand it anymore
I want to scream
want to run
Idk where
Idk when
I just know I need to
that I need someone in my life
maybe he's here?
maybe he's gone?
well, I tried
I keep trying
I'm hard to see
I'm invisible
only when I'm good
but will I want to be bad?
just to be seen?
Idk....
and it's back to this
I can't always express myself freely
though people fear me
thinking that I'm terrible
but what cause do I give for them to fear me?
to hate me as they do?
I know I hate myself
because I'm not me.....
no.....
how can I be?
i still don't know me
I STILL DON'T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!
*so who am i?

Another day
Another time
Another 'special time'
Another 'special day'
Why can't I have someone?
The one that I need tht needs me?
I may have found him
The one like me.....
But idk...
I feel lost
Shunned
Saddened.....

happy valentines day......I guess

I'm lonely
I'm alone
I guess this is my curse
My bad luck to deal with
I thought today would be good
That today could be special
I'm not superstitious
like many around me
but I just want something good to come out of this
this day meant to be bad
Idk the origin of today
but it's really wearing on me
this day meant to be cursed
which I don't understand why
because it should be another day
well.....
except today being February Friday 13
Today I have to smile......
It's my brother's birthday
He's annoyed when teachers know it
cuz he doesn't like to be sung to...
So today's his day
So I say what I need to on here
so I can be happy for him......
I'm depressed and don't know why
I'm alone
I'm lonely
*and no one knows my truths....

well idk
but heres my best try
im not certain of myself
im shy
some say i have a certain....
masculinity about me....
idk what they mean
but i do know i can hurt others
physically to easily....
i try not to though
i dont like pain
dont like to give it
cuz i know how it feels
to recieve pain from those you thought you knew
but do we ever truly know someone
i know i get off track
but that's just me, i guess
i still dont fully know myself
but i also dont know anyone that does
if you do
then good for you
and could you help me
to know myself....
idk who i am
what i am
where im at
or anything really about myself
i know a bit of what im told i am
that im weird
im a ******
im different
im nothing
im nobody
and you know what
most of this came from females. :/
oh well
their loss
cuz sooner or later
ill be gone
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
but theyll be sorry for how they treated me
maybe
idk
i guess thats my answer for most things
IDK
it makes me want to laugh
if you got in my head
would you scream?
would you run?
hmmmmmmm
*Who I am........no.......Who am I?

i am alone
i am broken
i am unafraid
why should i be
why am i alive
where am i going next
where am i
why cant i be afraid
why am i still here
why cant i leave
i have so many ******* questions it's just i cant see them all

I find that things happen for a reason
don't know what the reason is
but it's there.....
though not always noticeable....
for those of you who know me
and even for those who don't
you may see I'm different
I know I am
not always in a good way
not always in a bad way
sometimes I'm just neutral
well, I'm 16
and I don't have many revenues
to let out my feelings
hellopoetry is really all I have
to let my pain out
to show my joy
which I'm not supposed to show
in too great of amounts
or else I'm yelled at.....
for those who thinks that is stupid
I agree with you
but it's what I'm supposed to do
or rather, not supposed to do.....
I'm an expressive person
I end up always showing my heart on my sleeve
which just hurts me more in the long run
but I can't seem to help it......
it just goes that way
with no plan
no forethought
it just happens
and to see me
no one knows what to expect
what to think......
what to feel about me
I'm not emotional
but I am empathetic
which just hurts me more
cuz like I said
my heart is on my sleeve
on display for anyone to see......
I love people for them
I just need someone that will love me back
anyone can say that "God loves" me
and I know that.....
I just want, no, NEED someone to love me on Earth
someone that will see me truthfully
and like what they see
I'm no girly-girl
I'm more rough than that
I'm more a tom-girl....
and proud to be so. :)

I dont have a clue
I dont know what to do
with you
I've never been able to try
Never had the cahnce
so take it slow
with me, please?
I cant go on and let you
do that to me
because I've told this several times
Here's one more
My confession
im a ******
please dont laugh
at my uncertainty
you see me blushing
Im just shy right now
you think Im joking?
this isnt a game to me
if it is to you
then leave
because Im waiting
to give myself up
Im not letting you have me
just because you think Im pretty
just because you like me
just because your nice to me
Im waiting
if you dont want to
then fine
but you can leave
because my mind is made up
and Im letting this be known
so goodbye
this is my confession
*im a ******

Love me all my life
show me the way
give me someone to hold onto
let it be you and me

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

I wanted to stay
I need you here
you're my reason to breathe
I live on your love

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

I'll be your lover
I'll forever be yours
all I ask is for you to be mine
we'll love each other till the end

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

Time for life is short
love in life is long
I'll give all of me
just let us be together

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

You are my world
please be mine
I love you and I always will
I will always stay with you

Is love the way
help me through
love me, love me
love me the way I love you
I love you, you, you
I love you

why is it
when you think you know someone
they change
I keep the one i love close
he's with me
he hasn't changed
I'm still in love and euphoria
I still dont want it to end
I just wish we could really know someone
maybe not everything we think
or everything we feel
But to be able to love who we want to love
and know them better
we all need privacy, yeah
but it'd be nice to KNOWa person
for better or worse
I love people for them
I don't like to be judged
so I try not to judge
not always the best at it
but who is?
I try to be the best I can
but what if it's not good enough???
what then?
am I wasting my life?
I don't know
I don't think I'll ever truly know......
anything or anyone, that is.....

A beautiful night
Rain pouring down
Running
Laughing
With my love
Open land
Fun
Flowers
My beautiful place
Kindness
Love
I am loved
Happiness
Fairy tale
Nightmares gone
Dark but brightly
Loving
Spirit
Freedom
*can it be?

Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one
But you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at
You see you're making me laugh out
When you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not fooling anyone
When you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool,
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? (yeah, yeah)
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no