little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.

If only I knew how to say
That we are all drowning in terrible pain
But rather than run the other way
We must stay to fight another day
Of all the demons I have to slay
I never feared them though you may
Sometimes it may seem my heart is gray
But it is from many battles, I had to pay
For I am alive more than they
And I never was scared of the fray
For fear is how we truly fall prey
Our hearts become easy to betray
Our souls are lead too far astray
Our weaknesses held out for their display
Our minds too dull to hardly obey
Our eyes too closed for our thoughts to sway
And to our horrible dismay
We just continue to decay
Though we never feel it for all it weighs
We just close your heart and begin to pray
But the only way to hold the fear at bay
Is if we start living now, today
So mold your heart of the softest clay
Mold it into the most beautiful vase
And fill it with love that will always stay
And maybe someday you'll feel okay

The ceiling fan makes a comforting noise
As it whirs gently, with the premonition
That winter is near

She sits up hesitantly, somewhat afraid
That there might be something there
She just woke up from one of those nightmares
She could barely control her breathing
Fear and anxiety painted in her eyes

She's almost used to it, or so she thinks,
Till it happens again
She begins to shake just a bit
Almost subtly
She doesn't want- need- to think
Any more

She switches on another one of those gizmos
Whiles her night away
So she doesn't have to sleep
She doesn't need to go back
To those **** nightmares

A chill runs down her spine
But she turns up the music a little louder
She doesn't dare to cry
Scared of being heard,
Scared of acknowledging
That which lies silent, looming ahead
In the darkness

She doesn't want to because
Once she does, it would be tougher
To tell herself that they
Hardly matter

That they are not premonitions
Of the future

Welcome to a reading of my innermost thoughts.
I call it poetry on most days.
It stings sometimes.

How do I begin this crazy tale?   
Because each time my thought's' reassembled I get pale.
Here is a situation I can't bear with grace
But glory be to God I'm in a quiet place.

When this guy and  I met,
I knew there was no rooms of gossip to let,
He was almost everything I ever wanted in a man,
Still, he can't be compared to my handsome Dan
Who left me gasping for breath with a silly fan.
Life with my neophyte love was great,
An appointment wit him I wouldn't be late.
I could get there and keep smiling like a fool,
He wouldn't know about my nervousness so we'll get through.

Moments quantified in decades rushed in on us,
Yet in reality we were only months old and so rust.
Problems splashed in like a mighty tidal wave,
That our only solitude was our emotional cave.
One night I woke up so tired and sick,
I called him and he wanted a fight to pick.
 I said "Life couldn't be all sleeky and silk",
He said "Yes,  you aint so creamy as milk"
My temper flared and my mouth raced.
He said "Your voice with me should never be raised",
My heart beat quickened, I was so amazed.
And gently and arrogantly, the receiver was replaced.
I held my own receiver in hand, with mouth gaped,
Eyes bulging out as if I would be *****.
Recalling that night, my emotions I thought I faked,
But I made up my mind to show him I was fully baked.

The morning came with dew, yet at me it snarled,
I've got no option so at it too I drawled.
I dabbed my make up on with red on my eye brow,
And to what gave me my sober reflection, a bow.
I stepped out of my house located in a ghetto,
And the only noise heard was from my stiletto,
People passing by thought I was off to a show,
But my pouting lips adorned in red said it was a row.

Got a good cab and off I went.
Reached my destination and hopped out.
The driver expected his money but I aint got honey,
So I looked at him with nose wrinkled and funny.
He hurled abuses at me before he sped off,
I knew better than to waste my time on him.
I reached my guy's room and kicked the door with a rim,
He came out angry as if he wanted to sing a war hymn.

I bounced into d room with ******* galloping,
Checking the room till i found her groping.
She hurriedly dressed up and made for d door.
I stopped her and told her "You are a sorry *****".
The following between us ensued.
Him: For doing this i could get you sued.
Me: oh come on, I'm trying not to be rude.
Him: What just happened tells you I'm a dude.
Me: So that explains seeing a girl in your bed ****?
My temper rose and fell while he squirmed,
My trust and love in my face was tossed.
I told him he was ***** and dingy,
He said my love with him has been very stingy.
My resolve broke and reminded him how we met,

He said " I don't care so go to hell",
I knew i'd see him there ringing the bell.
I pushed him so hard dat lanky him fell.
He managed a subtle laugh as he was burning.
I got scared and eventually tried running.
I knew it was the last episode of our affair,
Even though he hasn't been so very fair.
" I thought you were going to be the  man I'll marry,
but you'll make me go singly to the party.
People said to me our love will indeed tarry,
and now that it has ,i aint so happy".
When he met me months later,it was for vendetta,
but I thought of him as being in a state so mental.
Yet he was ready for a show or drama
But he said "Hey ******! Your son lives with your grandma".
I broke down and wept feeling dizzy,
For I kept that one thing to him a secret.
If I had been open so far, we would have had a purpose,
But Dan's coming to take his child and propose!