It was a chance encounter after my exam.
While we made small talk something he said struck me
like the smell of meat in a butchers:
''she has the weight of the world on her shoulders''.

Something so simple provoked my thoughts,
Revisiting memories I had put in a box.
The day you came home, and lay on the couch
You cried silently like a terrified child.

What had happened I couldn't have known,
I didn't understand your troubles.

I know you're different, more fragile than most.
But somehow I forget, while I get caught in my own life.
The baggy under-eyes, the pure exhaustion,
It somehow becomes commonplace and I think nothing of it.

But of course I should.

The wilted rose, so beautiful even after it's withered,
So too is your face as you worry, about us, about everything.
Is it rude of me to think you shouldn't care?
That we're old enough to look after ourselves.

I wish I could show you more how much I love you.
How much I want to take the weight of the world off your shoulders.

There was a box of Cheerios today.
All I could think of was you,
Of being so enraptured,
So close.

But now we are miles apart.

You were always so sweet,
So caring and loving.
Your smile lit me up inside
Your kiss had me in a daze.

I saw the other woman,
Guess I can't complain.
But that doesn't make it any less hurtful,
I'll always feel that pain.
The crushing revelation
Of your deceitful flirtation.

We talked about this summer
But now it cannot be,
You have made your choice
And it doesn't involve me.

Why should I still be so taken with you?
You're only a man.
A man with flaws and weaknesses,
Those I always saw.

I saw because you showed me.
I thought you were honest.
Now I question everything.
Was it love? Or just my young naivety
That someone could love me so passionately?

The questions race through my head
Like water in a bath's drain.
I write pages upon pages.

Not seeing you makes it easier
Yet not talking to you hurts,
Hurts deep and no-one can see.

I used to cry I missed you that much
All I yearned for was to feel your touch.

The smell from your jumper has faded.
Faded like our love?
I long for just one sniff,
To remind me of what was.

The Cheerios will be finished,
The milk drained from the bowl,
Like it was that wondrous night
That is now forever destroyed.

I over-analyse words you send
Sometimes I think we're just good friends
You're just like a brother,
Is that what we are?

Drunken messages.
Sleepy messages.
Happy messages.
Meaningful messages.

When I see you I secretly wonder
What is this feeling that consumes me;
Your arms so comforting
Your smile filled with delight
You lift your drink with your left hand
That somehow makes me grin.

You are such a wonderful person
I don't want to lose your friendship
So instead I'll just keep quiet
Try to calm my swirling head.