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1.8k · Feb 2014
Chaos
Clovina Feb 2014
I always despised Them.
Despise not Fear.
I always hated Them.
Hate not Dislike

They bring Chaos.
Chaos not Insanity.
They are Pandemonium.
Pandemonium not Confusion.

They are Feared,
By many whom are ruled.
They are the Rulers,
That proclaims Sanctuary.

Now?

They found Me...
Through my Disdain.
They Found me...
Through my Hatred.

I am Now,
One of Them...

I was Feared.
I am Feared.
I Fear Myself.
I am Fear.

They needed one last One
They needed Four.
I am Four.
I am Death.

I help bring Chaos.
I am part of Chaos.
I am Chaos.
It drives Me Insane.

I bring Pandemonium.
I am part of the Pandemonium.
I am The Pandemonium.
My Identity Confuses Me.

Now?

I am Starting,
To Enjoy this Fear.
I am Adoring,
The Chaos.

I am Loving...
The Insanity.
The Pandemonium.
The Chaos.

I am Embracing It...
You should too.
You cannot Hide from Us...
We Will Find You.

Through Disgust.
Through Hatred.
Through Dislike.
Through Fear.

Through Chaos.
Through Pandemonium.
Through Insanity.
Through Confusion.

There is no Sanctuary.
None for You.
It is all a Lie.
Embrace It.

Do Not Run.
There is nowhere to hide.
We Will find You...
Even when Both of Us are *Dead.
1.3k · Jan 2014
Sworned Secrecy
Clovina Jan 2014
Pssst
I have a secret...
Promise you won't tell?
If you break our promise you may die...

Was that a threat?
I cannot tell...
A little girl in front if me...
Something is amiss-not well...

If I tell you the secret...
Can I trust that you'll keep it that way?

Those words-no-
her* word echoed...
Trust a strong word indeed...
Can she trust me?

I trust you,
So let's keep it that way~


What way?
What secret?
What trust?
Words I want to say...

Hush, I know what you want to say...
But first let me tell you this:

History is repeating...
It has been renewed.
Your life is now nothing...
You are your own dying art piece of a dark ****** hue.

People can't keep promises...
That's why trust is so hard to make.
People leave each other...
That's why relationships are usually fake.


Stop!
I don't want to know!
I want my eyes closed!
This pain is unnecessary,
Leave the truth Untold!


But this ****** little girl continues,
As if I never Spoke...
I cried for her to stop,
Covering my ears as she spoke.

But her words penetrate...
Deep...Deep...DEEP...
Into my Mind...
Into my Soul.

Unfairness has been breached...
By the inhumanness of this world.
War is just there,
To bring down our walls...

Speaking out your mind!
You are silence for all!
People think you're crazy!
Many will watch you fall!

If you think me insane,
Think of this now!
You are the crazy one!
Believing these lies,
THAT WILL BEFALL US ALL!

OPEN YOUR EYES YOU NÏAVE LITTLE *****!
DO YOU BELIEVE ALL THESE LIES THAT HOLDS DEATH'S STENCH?

Of all the things...
You wish to not do...
YOU CHOSE NOT TO OPEN YOUR EYES,
TO THE PAIN OF THE TRUTH!


I run to her.
I covered her mouth.
I have to silence her,
Or Death will befall us both.

**Hush child,
All is well,
I Know these Secrets,
And I know none of them is well...

But speak no more...
Child of Sight...
For the world forbids us...
To open our eyes...

Keep these a secret...
Until the time is right...
Fore Darkness will crush...
Every force of Light...
1.2k · Jan 2014
Can You Clarify...
Clovina Jan 2014
What is your melody?
Your harmonic symphony?
What is your ecstasy?
Your mind of immortality?

Where is your honesty?
Your trustful reliability?
Where is your sanity?
Your clear answers of clarity?

Can you clarify my sanity?
My mad mind of  immortality?
Can you clarify my melody?
My lost mind of honesty?
1.1k · Jun 2014
Mask
Clovina Jun 2014
"Cry!!"
You scream at me...

I stand here numb
Staring at you
Not too far away.

"Scream!!"
You cry to me...

I stand there...
Looking at you...
With nothing to say.

But then you ASK me...
"Why hide?"

And in that moment...
I Shatter...
Only to put on a new Facade...

And in my head?

My, my...
Another mask...
Shattered...

You shattered...
My mask...
You have some nerve...

They are hard to replace you know....


I think with dry sarcasm.

I can Feel Sarcasm...
You Idiot but...
You'll never know...
You are not Worthy to see my feelings...



"What do you hide from?"
You ask me.

I Hide from nothing...
But I can feel fear...
Where is this Fear coming from?


"What do you hide from me?"
"Why do you hide from me?"
You stand there questioning me.
1.1k · Dec 2013
Clarify My Uncertainty
Clovina Dec 2013
Can you ever tell me what you wish to be?
What do you plan to be?
Will you tell me?
Or will I need to wait for an Eternity?

What would you do if Faith and Trust were never meant to be?
Would Chaos rule  with Insanity?
Minds of Ecstasy?
Or will the answers be Uncertainty?

Would the World of Madness come to be?
What would it even mean?
Are we all equally Free?
Why are there hidden forms of Slavery?

Can you ever tell me if I'm losing Sanity?
A Mad Mind that you may see?
Hidden Secrets that are never meant to be?
Shared with the hidden walls of Maddening Unclarity...
1.0k · Oct 2013
Inside Those Eyes...
Clovina Oct 2013
I stare at those Eyes,
Watching them Die,
Stare at them Helplessly,
Watching them Cry.

I look Deeper,
Behind those Dark Eyes,
To see a Story,
Covered by a smiling Lie.

I walk through the Memories,
That feels less like a Dream,
I walk through the Nightmares,
That is her Reality.

I see a Girl,
In her Mother's Lap.

Sitting in the Dark,
Afraid of what'll come next.


Another memory,
Replacing the last,
Seeing a Girl,
Trying to out run her Past.

Scars on her Wrist,
Bruises on her Back.

Heart of Stone,
With Ice Cold Blood.

Crying in the Corner,
Alone in the Dark.

A Bitter Corpse,
Created by Heart.


I stare at those Eyes,
Watching them Slowly Die,
Stare at them Helplessly,
Watching them Cry.

I look Deeper.
Into those Blue Eyes,
To feel an Ocean,
Of a Melancholy Life.

Waves of Fear,
Ice of Guilt.

Thunder of Tears,
Tides of Sorrow.

Seas of Anger,
Storms of Pain.

Sighs of Lost Trust,
A Girl in Vain.


I stare at those Eyes,
Watching them Cry.
I seize a Moment,
To Close My Eyes.

I Grab Hold of Her,
And Hold her Tight,
Feeling her body shake from the Chaos,
That is Tormenting her Inside...
970 · Nov 2013
Listen
Clovina Nov 2013
You listen to her
But not to me,
No matter how much
I beg and plea.

What's so different
About her and me?
Go ahead,
And tell Me.

It'll Just be
Between us...
You see?

You Listen to Her
But not to me,
Tell me the reason
And I'll let you be.

Is it that you
Cannot Trust in me?
Due to my mind
Of Ecstasy?

Or is it a secret between you two
That I...
Cannot See

You listen to him
But not to me,
No matter how much
I beg and plea.

Is it because of
Our different Sanities?
Go ahead,
And tell Me.

It'll Just be
Between us.
You'll See.

You Listen to Him
But not to me,
Tell me the reason
And I'll let you be.

What's the Cause
That made you Lose
Your faith in me?
Was it my mind of Insanity?

Or is it a secret between you two
That I...
Cannot see.
924 · Oct 2013
Can I Ever Say "I'm Sorry"
Clovina Oct 2013
She left me,
She killed me,
My trust,
Has faded,
She killed it.
Did she not?
Or was it me?
Was I becoming distant?
Did I trust her too easily?
Was it me that killed her?
Did I leave her...

It's my fault,
I left her,
And now,
Both of us are dead.

Sitting here I'm thinking in a mind full of vain,
Replaying the risky game,

I should have stayed,
I should have stayed...
Why didn't I stay?

A friend I stopped being long ago,
I left with a reason that is still unknown...
The plot goes in a twisted way,
A story has been wavering in its place.

She speaks bad of someone we know,
However I trusted her so and so.
Two months go by and it gets worse,
I soon start noticing someone is using her.

I try to tell her,
My warnings went unheard;
However her cries of mercy surely will.
She now asks me for some help,
But I no longer know what I should tell her about.

Anger I feel every now and then,
Is normal for me yet I still pretend.
Friends come and go, that I see,
Yet I'm asking myself what's wrong with me.  

I get hurt, I get blamed,
I've been playing a dangerous game.
Anger and loneliness I've been feeling for a while,
Is no longer here,
So why am I still full of Guilt and Sorrow...

If she's still alive can I ever tell her I'm sorry?*

I'm sorry till the bitter end....
912 · Oct 2013
Smothered
Clovina Oct 2013
I'm breathing...
I'm breathing...

Sitting there,
I try to convince myself I'm breathing.

I'm breathing,
I'm alright...
I'm alright,
Am I not?

Slowly,
My breath diminishes,
They die out...

Slowly,
My tears cry...
My feelings overflow.

Smothered

It's a feeling that can't be explained.
It feels like you're Buried,
Buried beyond Deep,
And yet...
Your physical being is still there...
Trembling*
But it's beyond that.

It's pressure within your Mind,
Pressure within your Emotions
Pressure within your Voice....
You Tremble from that Pressure
But it's beyond that.

It Silences you.
It Breaks you.
It Burdens you.
You Lose.
You Start to Die
And then you Die.
But it's beyond that...
Because it Kills you.

*But it's beyond that...
Way beyond that...
905 · Nov 2013
I Use To Wake Up
Clovina Nov 2013
I use to wake up,
To the sound of the woods.
I use to wake up,
To the song of the trees.
I use to wake up,
To the whisper of the leaves.
But now I wake up,
To the sound of breaking bones.

I use to wake up,
To the dance of the sun.
I use to wake up,
To the running of the wind.
I use to wake up,
To the prancing of the rain.
Now, I wake up,
To the sound of whispering names.

I use to wake up,
To the dreams of laughter.
I use to wake up,
To the voices of the birds.
I use to wake up,
To a beautiful peace.
Now I wake up to the Death of Silence.
899 · Oct 2013
The Truth You'll Never Know
Clovina Oct 2013
I hated you...
Your smile,
Your laugh,
Your cheerfulness,
It all makes me sick.
And yet we've became friends....

Slowly...
You coax me,
Into caring for you,
We've became friends...
But soon,
That all changed...

I saw a good you...
One who was nice,
One who cared,
One who was always there,
But then you left...
Where were you when I needed you the most?

I cried,
And cried.
My tears unseen.
I cry,
My cries.
Never to be heard.

I protected you,
I cared for you,
But your naiveness
Always take away your reason....

You get hurt,
But I pick you back up....
Why would I pick you back up?
I thought I hated you...

I was deceived...
You get broken,
I pick up the broken pieces,
Again and again.

You take the pieces back,
And still...
broken...
And still like a fool
I pick them up,
Trying to fix them.

I cared too much...
I *hated
you and yet I was there....
And so I left...

Tired of picking you up
Tired of fixing your broken you
Just to be broken again and again by your naiveness
Tired of being jealous of you
Tired of hating you
Tired of caring for you
Tired of being a fool
And most of all...
Tired of being a bad friend....
This is why I left you....
And yet I don't know why I wrote this...
You'll never see it.....
Because you never knew...
I lost my trust because of you...
837 · Apr 2014
Cursed
Clovina Apr 2014
Bound I Am...
What can I do?
Unable to Roam Free...
Listening to the Maddening Despairs of Prelude...

Bringing
Misfortune;
A
Cursed Charm, I am...
Bad Luck to Spare;
Come Closer, You're
******.

Darkened Melodies
Of Evil Harmony,
If You come Near Me...
You'll lose your Symphony,

So Take Head!
And Leave Me Be!
Or *Forget
and Lose...
Your Own *Identity...
784 · Apr 2014
What Am I?
Clovina Apr 2014
I Am Nothing...
Nothing But..
Your...Second Choice...

Why...

You Say...
You Feel Secure;
Near Me...

Am I a Thing...

In Your Eyes...
I Feel Inhumane...
And...I wonder Why...

What am I...

To You...
What do I...
Mean...

*In your Eyes...
709 · Sep 2015
Do Not Speak
Clovina Sep 2015
Do not speak to Me...
With the words you never Seek...
With the ideas from the Weak...
You hold no Key...


Do not speak to Me...
If you do not wish to be a Freak...
With the words that you Shriek...
You beg and you Plea...

Take an arrow to the Knee!
Your existence is too Bleak!
Hide under your Shadow!
In the oblique dark Sea...

I do not Care...
About your Uncertainty...
Until you can Develop...
Your own *Maturity...
680 · Dec 2013
Sorry
Clovina Dec 2013
I'm...
Sorry...

I truly am...
Sorry...

I'm Sorry...
That I was ever there...

I'm Sorry...
That I was never there...

I'm Sorry...
That I didn't try to understand...

I'm Sorry...
That I didn't understand...

I'm Sorry...
That we drifted...

I'm Sorry...
That we grew apart...

I'm Sorry...
I truly am...
656 · Oct 2013
Scar
Clovina Oct 2013
Something that was really New.
Something that came out of the Blue.
A Scar that's made by words that's True.
Loosing my Faith and Trust in You.

A Scar that made its place too Deep.
A Scar that I do not wish to Keep.
I ask for it to go Away,
But what should've been Heard has Yet to Say.

Cry me a River of Tearless Pain,
Full of Woe and Suffering pouring down like Rain.
Stabbing me in the back with Knives of Shame,
Playing my feelings like a Game.

Can I Say I no longer feel Insane?
I've been Living in a Mind of Vain.
A Fatal mistake I have made,
This Scar I have May Never Fade.
642 · Jan 2014
Goodbye
Clovina Jan 2014
I remember seeing Her.
She was so full of Life.
Little did I know...
She's starting to use to a Knife...

I've known she was Fighting.
Fighting an Internal Battle.
Why did I just stood there and watch?

I now see Her....
She is slipping Away.
Away from the World...
Back into her Darker ways...

I'm just standing Here...
Observing her pain.
Why can't I intervene?

Together we look at each other...
Our fears as one...
We drift away...
Gone we are...
Fading as Day...
Knowing we'll never see each other again...

This...is my Definition...of Goodbye...
606 · Sep 2013
Something...
Clovina Sep 2013
Something we can't see,
Something we all need,
Something we can feel,
Yet can't believe.

A Scar within our Soul,
A Nightmare within our Mind,
A feeling that can't be Ignored,
Gnawing you away.

The Tears I can Feel,
The Anger Burning Deep,
Blood streaming Down,
What's Wrong with Me?

A Smile I Fake,
A Laughter I Hear,
Darkness Inside,
Light I See.

Shoot me with your Words,
Cut me with your Eyes,
**** me with your Hatefulness,
But still like Air I'll Rise.
595 · Mar 2014
Zoey
Clovina Mar 2014
I See A Youthful Girl...
Looking at Me.
I See A Spirited Girl...
Staring at Me.

I See a Friend...
Whose Eyes that Seek,
A Playful Mate...
That Brings Sanctuary.

I See a Pal...
One that is Great,
I See a Gal...
That's a Great Mate.

This Friend I See...
The Last It'll Be...
My Happy Sanctuary...
Lost at Sea...

Farewell...
My Dear Lil Zoey.
I Hope You Find...
A *Great Sanctuary
Dedicated to my dearest pup Zoey.
585 · Dec 2013
Wait
Clovina Dec 2013
If you ask for an answer
How long do you have to wait?

A second?
A few minutes?
An hour?
A day?
How about weeks?
A month?
Years?

If I wait for my answer how long will it take?

A year?
A month?
A few weeks?
A couple of days?
A few hours?
Some minutes?
Or the next second?

Our times of waiting...
Feels like...
*Eternity...
573 · Apr 2014
Scroll
Clovina Apr 2014
One day,
I'll be there,
With the rest.

Just sitting there,
Waiting
Amongst the rest.

Fading and forgotten,
Near a cleft.

Sitting Amidst,
A Thieving Quest.

One day,
I'll be there,
With the rest.

Just sitting there,
Waiting
Amongst the rest.

But now,
Inscribed
By your Flesh.

I am Alive,
But Dispossessed.

One day,
I'll be there,
With the rest.

Fading and forgotten,
Amongst the rest.

Just sitting there,
Waiting
Near a cleft.

Knowing my existence,
Is none the less;

A meaningless scroll,
For those who are blessed.
566 · Apr 2014
Alright
Clovina Apr 2014
What are You?

In What Disguise...

How Do You Mean?

Are You...

**Alright...
556 · Feb 2014
Memories
Clovina Feb 2014
Let Me be...*
Memories I do not to see.
Locked away, it holds no Key.
Have them Fade from History.

Things, I often see.
Creations of Forbidden Keys.
Awakening Ancient Memories.
Reliving Illusional History...
Nightmares Leave me be...
Dreams you are now History!
Locks which (now) hold no Keys!
Forsaken Memories, Leave!


http://hellopoetry.com/poem/676258/memory/
525 · Sep 2013
Speak
Clovina Sep 2013
What does it take to feel ok,
Just so I can cry a river of tearless pain.
How long will it be before I can trust,
Before my feelings turn to dust.
Of all the things I could have said,
Why does it it have to be the feelings we've bled.
If anything I could have said,
It would be my fears and dread.
521 · Jan 2015
Hue
Clovina Jan 2015
Hue
Mmmmm...

There was once a little girl...
Who lived in a world of gray...
And in that word of grey...
There were adults...
Painting it...
Darker and Darker each day...

So,
One day the little girl decides:
She will paint the world in Colors!!

Years go by...
And the little girl grew.
She  paints the world...
In colorful hues.

Soon...
People would thank her,
And know her as the Girl of Muse.

One day a person comes by...
And asks:
Why
*Do you paint the world?

And the girl answers:
To make the world more lively.

Days go by...
And soon more and more people began asking the girl
Why?
And each time her answer is the same....

Until she begins to doubt herself...
And her answers change to...
"I don't know..."


One day as she was wondering...
Why...
Do I..
Paint the world...
In Hues...

Her mind brakes...
And she loses...
All her Sanity.

She did not know...
That the person,
Who first asked her The Question...
Planted a seed of gray in her...

She did not know...
Her mind was breaking...

Little by Little...

Each Day...

She becomes Obsessed...
With the Colors...
And the more obsessed she is...
The more The Grey consumes her...

She begins to paint...
Not in Hues...
But in Grey...

And within that Grey Chaos...  
Her mind grew...

Darker and Darker...

And those who "knew" her...
Or thought who knew her...
Begins wondering:
Who is this woman...
What is she doing...

But they never asked...

Because within that Grey World...

That World...




Grows Darker and Darker...




Each...





And Every...




Day..




And each day...
Everyone becomes more...






*Secluded.
515 · Jun 2014
Fake
Clovina Jun 2014
How could I Tell You,
My Problems and Worries...
When all you Care about,
Are my "Perfect" Qualities...

Did you ever Notice,
The Helpless Demon;
Standing in Front of You,
Crying Angelically?

How do You expect Me,
To Let Things Be;
When I'm being fed,
With Negative Energy...

Do You Know...
That this "Thing"...
Is Created,
By Your Insanity?
512 · Feb 2014
Broken Persona
Clovina Feb 2014
My Mind of Ecstasy is Broken...
Awakening into Insanity-I Am-My Reality...
Fear Has found Me...

They Left  Me...
My Fear...
They're gone...
My Fear found Me...


I feel...
Broken...
I feel...
Empty...

I have now...
Forgotten...
My Memories...

They took It...
Took it and Destroyed It...
I'll never get it back...
It's locked...

They were my Family...
They kept me Going...
They were my Sanctuary...
My Happy Family...
508 · Dec 2013
What If
Clovina Dec 2013
What if I told you...
Dreams aren't real...
Am I considered a dream crusher?

What if I told you...
They never loved you...
Would you call me a liar?

What if I really I am a bad person?
Would you still take me as your friend?
Would you...
Still call me your friend?

Haha, of course we all know that yes  I  may be lying....but...think about it...
500 · Sep 2013
Sea My Feelings
Clovina Sep 2013
Feeling's buried deep, deep, deep.
Something I could never speak.
Pain and Sorrow fill me up,
I weep I crawl till nothings left.
Who am I? I am no longer me.
Cry me a river that flows to the sea.
Wash ashore I am today,
Full of Woe and Sorrow down by the bay.
490 · Oct 2013
Drift
Clovina Oct 2013
Distant distant far away
Night is swallowing our distant days
We grew apart, walking our separate ways
Keeping our secrets right at bay

Hide hide hide from fear
Scared of everything that comes near
Nightmares I do not wish to bare
Trying to live with little care

Lies lies I've been told
There is nothing I can hold
My heart is stone my blood is cold
Dare approach me if you are bold

Days, weeks, years go by
The ocean sings a lullaby
Wind in trees whisper a sigh
Time fades into the dark of night

They would come and they would go
Time and limit is still unknown
Drift and follow the Memory flow
Forget what will soon be shown
481 · Jan 2014
Dream
Clovina Jan 2014
Escape* into something *New.

Breathe in Nothing True.

Let Out all your Rage.

Dream a Nightmare that goes to Waste...

Live Out all your Worries.

Scream out all your Pain.

Forget all your Past Memories.

Let Go and *Dream again...
480 · Apr 2014
Memory
Clovina Apr 2014
Lock away,
Forbidden Memories.
Can't you See,
I hold no Keys.

No matter how much...
You Beg and Plea,
Just Let it Go...
And leave it Be.

Lock away...
Forbidden Keys,
Can't you see...
I hold no Memories.

No matter how much,
You Leave It Be...
Just Let It Go,
Don't Beg and Plea.
479 · Jan 2015
Sensation
Clovina Jan 2015
I can picture It,
In my eyes.

Your body, A canvas,
For me to Inscribe.

Writing Haiku's,
Between your thighs.

Reading your poems,
In my Sight.

I can Hear it,
In my mind.

Your stanza's secrets,
Between each sigh.

Invading your thoughts,
In spaces I find.

Hearing your moans,
Through each written disguise.

I can feel you,
Through my soul.

With every movement,
Comes new control.

Tickling me,
With each of your strokes.

Composing new words,
As you spoke.
Clovina Jun 2014
How could you say...
I'm a "Devils Child"
When all I do...
Is Disobey...

You Tell me Things...
I do not Wish to Hear...
I've Heard it So Many Times...
I No Longer Bear any Pity...

You bring up...
A Lost Child...
You once Knew...
And Compared Us Both...

What A Bore...

Isn't it Hilarious...
I've become such Demon...
That You've Begun to Compare Me...
To me...

Does it ever Occur to You,
What Caused Me to be this Way?
For I am just a Mere Reflection...
Of Effects...

I am...a curse...
You say?
I am the Reason...
That causes Misfortune to go Our way...

And Yet You Test Me,
And Taunt me,
With All You Got...
Letting Us Lose Our Minds...

And When I reach My End...
I Lash back.
But you should know...
That You're the Cause...

Cause I am Just...
"An Effect...An Effect..."
For I Am just a Mere Reflection...
*"Of Effects...Of Effects..."
Are you not just the Effect of a Cause...
A Lost Mind...Is Too Much...(To Bear...)
458 · Jan 2015
Anger
Clovina Jan 2015
She stands alone;
In an empty hall.
Her hands are numbed;
By angered calls.

There she stands;
With nothing to say.
Anger shows her;
A ****** way.

Pain is gone,
It is numbed;
Everyone says,
She is wrong.

To feel, to express,
Becomes lost;
In a mighty fight,
For bitter or love.

"Everything is
Her fault!" They say.
Misleading Faults,
Are Pointed her Way.

"YOU ARE WRONG
TO FEEL THAT WAY!"

She stays Silent,
And falls Insane.

She now stands;  
In an empty hall.
Her hands are numbed;
By Angered calls...
456 · Jul 2014
Change
Clovina Jul 2014
First...
They See...
Your Flaws...

Then...
They Point...
It Out...

Then...
That Flaw...

Becomes...
Your Fault...

And then that Fault...
Becomes...
Part of You...

And Then...
It is Your...
Identity...

It is You...

Sometimes...
We Change Ourselves...
To be the Ideal Ones...
For the Ones We...
"Care"* and "Love"...

But That...
Will Never...
Be Enough...

Because...
They Will...Continue...
To Make You...Change...

"Willingly..."

Until...

You Can't...
Recognize...
Yourself...
*Anymore...
455 · Jun 2015
My Story
Clovina Jun 2015
"Suicide..."
They whisper to me...
"You are out of Time...
Don't you see..."

Have I lost My Sanity?
I've been bullied...
Since grade three...

"Take the Knife..."
They ordered me...
"Slit your throat...
Then you can leave...
From this world,
Eternally..."

"DON'T!"
She calls to me...

But...
She doesn't know...

"Run it through..."
They persuaded me...
"Let it loose,
Set it Free...
Forget about your...
Quandaries..."

They've...
convinced* me...
"We know how you feel...
You are lost...
You are...
Suffering..."


"Run away...
I Sing to me...
"From The Problems...
They've bestowed on me...
Just take the knife...
And let it be...
I don't Need...
This Family..."

"Don't listen to them..."
She pleas...

I look at the girl...In front of me...
Her soul--Empty...
Her eyes--Bleak...
Crying an Endless-Tearless Sea...

Staring back...My reflection speaks...
"I've given up...
Mentally...
My heart is tired...
Emotionally..."

She asks...
"Giving up...
Means They win...
Is this worth their heartless grins?
Think of why...
You've survived their sins..."


They laughed and hissed...
"Don't listen..."

But...
I've survived their sins...
Survived so far...
Because of The Reasons...

They are furious...
"Have you lost your Sanity?
She is Crazy...
Don't you see?"


They drown her out with their screams...
"Take the Knife!
TAKE YOUR LEAVE!
WE DON'T NEED YOUR IDENTITY!"


"Shut Up!"
I cry in angered screams...
"Why should I care?
You mean nothing to me!
You are nothing but Insanity!
Pressure! Depression! Anxiety!"

"Somebody...
Help Me..."

I wanted to live...
To continue to thrive...
Live a life full of fun...
And to say I've survived...

I've wanted to experience...
My future that awaits...
The day I'll make a difference...
And overcome my hate...

But...
I can't...anymore...
I lost my voice...
Since grade four...

My mind is something...
I never Speak...
People are creating...
My Identity...

I suffer from...
Anxiety...
I sometimes believe...
I've lost Sanity...
Depression still Stays with me...

But I'm still here...
And I survived...
I came back stronger
I Revived...

And now I'm Chasing
After My Dream...
Of becoming someone...
That I want to be...
453 · Feb 2014
Maddening Madness
Clovina Feb 2014
I am not Insane.
I am very in Sane.
I am not Mad.
My mind is Ecstatic.

I do not ask.
I question.
I do not Love.
I do not Hate.

I hold no Morals.
Yet I am a Mortal.
I Live Forever.
Forever but not Immortal.

I have not gone Mad.
You have gone Insane.
When I am Mad,
Then you are in Sane.

I can Live Forever.
Forever you Cannot.
You have Morals.
**I do not...
448 · Oct 2013
How...
Clovina Oct 2013
How does it feel...

To be forgotten:

Like a Rare Flower Hidden
During the long Winter Seasons.

Like a Dream
That gets deferred time and time again.

Like a Toy
That used to be played with a lot
But is now in the very dark, dusty corner in the back of the room....


How does one live on...

With something that's Missing:

Like a Child
Whom lost their Trust.

Like a Mother
Whom Lost their Child.

Like a Soldier
Whom lost their Life
Never to return to their loved ones again.


How does One...

Lose their Faith:

Like an Angle
Whom lost their own Wings.

Like a Bird
That can no longer Fly.

Like a Feather
That can no longer Exist
Because of a Fading Dream.



How does one...

Hope and Trust:

*When they Know
The Messages would never be Heard.

The Truth
Would Never be Known.

While trying to learn to Trust
After it gets crumpled...
Like a Piece of Paper...
Never to be the same again.

Unperfected...
443 · Jul 2015
Coma
Clovina Jul 2015
You can hear someone Breathing
But in the dark you can't See...
You can hear the voices Talking
But you can't hear their Plea...

You think you are Dreaming
To escape your Esteem...
You think you feel Nothing
Yet in The Dark World you Scream...

You know you are Bleeding
Your Blood coursing Free...
You know something is Dripping
You see a red Sea...

You believe you are Living
Yet you're trying to Flee...
You know you are Lying
To hide The Key...

However...

You don't know you're Dying
You're taking your Leave...
You don't know you're Falling
Into a world of Grief...

You don't know you're Crying
Since the day you have Passed...
You don't know you're Fading
As each seconds Last...

*Because there is one Thing
That you never Knew...
It's that you fell into a Coma
After those Two...
432 · Jul 2014
Wondering
Clovina Jul 2014
My Daughter...
Sits on My Lap...
While We Watch...
The Sky...

"Daddy...
    Why won't the Sun
         Come Out?"
  She asks Me...

"Because It's Waiting..."

"Daddy...
    Why is it Snowing?
  She Looks at Me...

"Because the Sky is Dreaming..."

"Daddy...
    Why does it Rain?"
  She questions me...

"Because the Clouds are Heavy..."

"Daddy...
    Where's the Moon?"
  She asks Once More...

"It's Still Asleep, Baby..."

         "Oh..."

      ~
Silence*~

"Daddy...
     Is the Sun Waiting
        For the Moon?
     Is this Why the
        Sun Didn't Come Out?
     Because the Moon is
        Sleeping?

Daddy...
    Is this why the Clouds
        Are Crying?
    Not Because the Sun is
        Not Out; But because
              the Sun is Waiting
                   to be with the
                       Moon, and not
                            With them?

Daddy...
    Is this Why the Sky
        Is Snowing?
    Because the Moon is
       Dreaming?
   Dreaming about
        the Sun?"

My Daddy...
Kisses My Forehead...

"Daddy...
    Will the Sun
        and Moon Meet?"

I Look at My
Baby...

Then We Looked At
The Sky...

Wondering...
421 · Oct 2015
Doll
Clovina Oct 2015
Strong
That’s…
What Everyone…
Sees…

Being
Me?

That’s…
My
Facade…

But no one…
Could ever *S
ee…
Me

But *You
...
I think

And you’d always…
Talk to me...
Speak to me…
And tell me…

That I’m weak…
Very…
Very  Weak...

And you’ll Cry...
And you’ll Plea
You’ll Call...
And you’ll Scream...

That…

Mentally…
I’ve Lost…

Emotionally…
I’m Tired…

Physically…
I’m Broke…

And
I...
Would deny your claim...

W**...
Do you Think...
You Are?

You
Can’t See…
Through my  Facade

...But…

You
May be...
Right  Though

Maybe...

You’ve Once...
Told your  Friends...


That…
If They Look at me…
Closely...


They
Could See Me...
Breaking

From the Pressure?


Emotionally
Literally...

But Baby...
You  Know…
You are  Wrong...


Because...
You've  Forgotte­n…
One  Last Thing...


It's that...
I Am…
But
A Porcelain Doll...
397 · Apr 2014
Break
Clovina Apr 2014
If Water Enters...
Through my Eyes;
Will it Wash Away...
All your Disguise?

To Reveal a Devil...
Laughing Behind,
A Mask Full of...
Unforgiving Lies...
378 · Sep 2015
It's Not You
Clovina Sep 2015
You don't care
Or you don't know
You don't love me
Or it never shows

With all those hate
That you have sowed

How much longer
Could you act so low
Before I take
The final dose

You're not to blame
When I am gone
Just remember
That you were wrong

Don't feel sorry
For it's to late
I've already crossed
The Eternal Gate

You don't care
Or you don't know
You don't love me
Or it never shows...
366 · Feb 2018
This Is Our Legacy
Clovina Feb 2018
Today,
     We have people who live,
Who fight to live
Who fight to die


Today,
     With the eyes that I see
The truth that I see
The more corrupt...
     Is our state of the free...


This,
     Stems from the individual roots of society

You See...
     The Truth Is;
Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls
Hospitals hear more prayers than churches' walls


And Yet...
                         We.
                                                   Still.
                                          ­                                       Fall...


Not As a Group...
     But One by One...
          Consumed by Greed
               With Our Hands on a Knife
With Our Hands by a Gun


"To Be or Not To Be"
     A(n) (In)famous line from Shakespearean Poetry...
**** or be FREED...
     From the torment within our society....

With our hands on the trigger
     The noose, the pills

With our final words spoken,
     Written in wills...

Media's Influence,
     Over Suicidal Kills,

Where Nameless Graves End Up
     Over Endless Hills...

This is the Legacy
     Our future generations will see...


We say,
    "Give our children a better future!"
"Give our children a better world!"
"It's our responsibility to teach the drills!"

WHY DON'T WE JUST HAND THEM THE DEBTS, THE BILLS!?

Because as far as I see...
     There's no need for you or me...

Have you ever
Looked at our hands
From each broken vein
To the ****** sands

Have you ever
Looked at our hands
Soaked to the bones
Drenched in demands

Have you ever
Looked at their hands
So small and delicate
Still TRYING to Understand

Could you ever
Look at their hands
TWISTED from the torment
*We will force them to withstand...
360 · Mar 2014
Blame You?
Clovina Mar 2014
If they ask Why am I Insane?
Can I Blame it on You?
For it was You Whom Drove me Insane...

In and Out I Go
Have Pain Awaken Me
I'm Lost in Frustration
Keep Me In Reality
For it was You whom Drove me into Insanity...

I can't Remember what You've Done...
Again, It's because you drove me Insane...
Can I Blame it On You?
For it was You whom Drove me this Way...
327 · May 2014
Let Us
Clovina May 2014
Let's give us a little time to figure this out.
Let's play a game to turn things around.
Let's play hide and seek to keep our minds about.
Let's dream a fantasy to feel more...safe and sound.

Let's run away from all our doubts.
Let's fly away from the despair we're bound.
Let's scream and shout to burn it out.
Let's let our frustration be forgotten...never found.
Clovina Mar 2014
You Told me Once...
You Said Okay Twice...
You Said Yes Three Times...
Your Excuses No Longer Suffice.

You'd Lie to Me...
In A Lot of Ways...
You'd Say Sorry...
The Very Next Day.

Listen To Me,
Tell Me This,
Don't Tell Me Lies,
Like It's Bliss.

Are You Still,
The Friend I Know...
Can I Still Trust You?
My Mind Says No.

Bound I Am...
Unwillingly to You...
I Act Like I Do...
If Only You Knew...

Tell Me Now...
Ruby Red...
Don't Lie to Me...
For I have Bled...

Are You Still,
The Friend I Know...
Can I Still Trust You?
For my Mind says No.

We have talked about this Once.
We have joked about this Twice.
We have worried about this Three Times.
We Need to Roll the Dice.

I Am Starting to Slip Away...
Through My Memories of Decay.
Chained to You Everyday...
Loosing New Suns Down the Bay.

But tell Me Now...
Ruby Red...
Don't Lie to Me...
For I have Bled...

Are You Still,
The Friend I Know...
Can I Still Trust You?
Cause my Mind says No....
302 · Oct 2013
See
Clovina Oct 2013
See
How many times will it take for you to finally
Understand…
How many tries should I try just for you to know what's
True…

How long do I have before I
Go Away
To the point we have
Nothing to Say...

Part we will
Our Separate Ways,
Nevertheless till the
End of our Days.

What would it take for you to
Understand,
Whom this person really is from
*Within.
293 · Jun 2014
Cry
Clovina Jun 2014
Cry
"Cry!!"
I scream at her.

A Girl...
No...
An Object,
Just stares back at me.

She has the figure of a human being.
She acts like a human being.
But she's an inhuman machine.

She has the Ability:

To Cry.

To Laugh.

To Scream.

To Shout.

To Play.


But she does nothing but stand there.

"Why do you hide?
What do you hide?
Why do you hide from me?"

I stand there...
Asking...
Staring into her eyes
Reflecting "Something"...
There must be something in there...
Only to get Silence as my answer in return...
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