What upset you?
That He chose Her over You?

                          No.

What upset you      is
That He will never have to chose between Her and You
Because
You
  are
   so
    Ugly
     Stupid
      Repulsive
       Annoying
        Pointless
         Worthless
          Unwanted
           Unnecessary
            Space waster
             Good for nothing
               Disgrace of humanity
That no one would every chose you
Especially not when given an option
  as amazing as Her
        
        And no one half as brilliant as
     He is would ever look at you
        twice


Him being nice to you means nothing - he is a kind person
You being there for Him means nothing - you were the only one online
Her being with Him means everything - he really likes her


So what upset you?
The fact that you're not worth so much as knowing your name,
   let alone choosing over someone
   else.

you're going to cry yourself to sleep tonight
               That is what they tell me
                                    what I tell me
I know.
                     I reply to them
                                       to me
why will you cry?
  because you're alone?
    because you're lonely?
      because you're pathetic?
        because you're worthless?
          because you're not enough?
            because* no one wants you?
They taunt
                   ask
                         mock
                                   I taunt
                                               ask
                                                      mock

10 regrets
9 new cuts
8 hours of fear
7 hours of sleep
6 tears cried
5 feelings I cannot express
4 thoughts I can't share
3 words I struggle to say
2 emotions I can actually feel
1 more breath
0 more f**ks to give

Goodbye

I think that I have so much to say
But all my thoughts lead my feelings astray.

I feel so many different things
But I can't quite understand my emotions, like I can't hear when a foreign person sings.

This is just a stupid attempt to have a good piece that rhymes
Oppose to the rambling ranting ******* you read of mine all those other times.

The sky was not a pitch black
But an inviting charcoal glow
Illuminated by only the full moon and twenty seven stars We sighted.

With the hard ground beneath us
And the cold all around us
After the silent goodnight
All boundaries dissolved into the bitter chill.

I savored the look of his peaceful sleeping face, so close to mine
And the sound of his deep breathing when he drifted off to sleep.
But most of all, I cherished the warmth of him near me
And he did the same
But I will never forget how wonderful it felt to have that slight contact with Him
And the feeling that I make things more pleasant for Him

I was amazing.
Genuinely happy.
I was confident, comfortable and enjoying myself.
I was incontrol
I was valued
I was needed
And I was with my family.
I felt safe with Him. With Them. And with everyone else.
It was fabulous.
It was cold.
It was tiring.
And it did not consist of much sleep
But I was happy and comfortable and I got to know Them more.
But it was fun and enjoyable.

But now
With Him gone.
Without Them.
It returns to normal.
It returns to that which I hate.
It is the routine that you cannot seem to break out of.
It is that constant drone of information,
Beig criticized,
And noise.
It is bed, eat, school, sport, homework, eat, sleep, repeat. And it is only music that can get me through. As D said.
But without Him or Them ,
Those who I feel are my family
I am alone.
Because my school friends don't feel like friends at all anymore.
And I can no longer find the motivation to breathe.

I don't know why I crash so badly after beig high,
But I can't take the bad with the good when the good is no longer sweet.
So I turn to my blade,
My only friend to keep.