[ dih- pen -d uh ns ]
noun
1. the state of relying on or needing someone or something for aid, support, or the like.
2. reliance; confidence; trust: Her complete reliability earned her our dependence.
an object of reliance or trust.
3. the state of being conditional or contingent on something, as through a natural or logical sequence: the dependence of an effect upon a cause.
4. the state of being psychologically or physiologically dependent on a drug after a prolonged period of use.

I depend too much.
I depended on people a lot, and they left.
I depended on my blades, and they got taken away.
I depended on my feelings, and they faded.

I relied on people.
I used a sharpener as my drug of choice.
I used feelings as my anchor.

And now I have a new person I depend on
A new drug
A new feeling

And the problem is that I believe him when he says he will stay,
I believe him when he tells me I'm beautiful,
I believe him when he says "I love you"

But that is what scares me.
When he leaves, I'll crumble.
I'll remember I'll never be anything close to beautiful.
I'll know I'll never be loved and I will struggle even more to love again
Because he has enough of me to break my heart and tear me apart.

I depend on him too much.

As ugly as you think you are.
You are wrong.
You're hideous
Atrocious looking
Horrifying
Scarily unattractive
Disgusting

As mean and awful as you think you are.
You are wrong.
You're disgraceful to the human race
A terrible person
A horrendous representation
A stupid waste of air an space

As messed up a you think you are
You are wrong.
You are so far gone that not even a saint could save you
So ******* up in your mind that you'd give a serial ****** killer nightmares
So doomed that your holiday spot is hell.


Worst of wishes and muh hate
Me.

That is what you call me.
I'm your "dear one".
At first that made me cry
Knowing that I forced you to care
Manipulated you into thinking I am anything worth anything or anyone caring about.

Then I got to know you.
Realize how you saw me.
I bonded with you more and cared for you in return.

Now I almost smile at the mention of me being your "dear one".
Because I am now honored that someone so amazing as you can care for me
And at times, I even think that I'm worth caring about.


So this is for my dear one, becuse I care about you too.
And you are so much more than what you label and limit yourself as.
And even if the breath has left my soulless body, I will always be here for you.

The lonely lamp
Abandoned in the street
With its dim light.

At a glance, you'd think it's just
A street lamp
But everyone and everything has a story.

If you look closer, you'll see the scratches and dents,
The marks people left behind

It's alone and solitary
Abandoned
Deserted.  

It's light will fade, and during the day it becomes pointless
But at night
It can light the way for some lonely souls
But for some damaged people
That lonely
Solitary
Abandoned
Street lamp
Can be a reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel.