Classified

Classified Apr 2014

"Walk away
Barely breathing
As I'm lying on the floor
Take my heart
As you're leaving
I don't need it anymore"

Turn your back on me
And walk away
So you don't have to see
My pain.

Leave me broken and bruised
Scared, scarred and abused.
Turn your back on me so you don't have to feel guilty about leaving my soul marred.

Take my heart
as you're leaving
I don't need it anymore*

Take my heart with you
Because it is yours
It is yours because then, it was only beating for you.
It is yours .
I can't live without you
But I'm already dead inside.
Take your heart
And leave me heartless
Because no one has ever loved me enough
Take your heart of mine
Break it up
Crumble it
Trample it
Crush it
Destroy it
And use the tiny pieces of it to make your heart whole
Because it is your heart
And yours alone
I will never take the pieces back
Because I lost my heart to you from the moment we met
You had me at hello.

So take your heart of mine
Turn your back on me
And walk away.
But before you go
Kiss my lips and steal my breath
So I may die a peaceful death.

Inspired by a Mayday Parade song "The Memory" and I quoted a part of it to open the poem.
And there are a couple of song references in there I think, so yeah. Piece of crap, but I like the last verse.

Classified Apr 2014

Untitled

I wish she knew

I wish I knew what I was thinking.
I wish he knew

She is beautiful

His words are beautiful

Good God she is beautiful.
Rapture

I hate myself for what I have done to him.

I need to get drunk*

I need to bleed myself dry of my thoughts of him

I'll collect my tears

I'll throw away my blood

In a jar the size of my love for myself

I'll chose a blade as sharp as my feelings for him

I'm actually going to try for once

I should have let him go

I'll get roses and a bowl of ice

I'll get my rope, get my knife. I'll get that which I've collected to end my life.

To catch the blood drop for everytime she says no

I should just leave, just go. It's not like he will ever know.

Then I'll take that bowl, put it in front of her, break it and say " well now that we have broken the ice....."

I know I will miss the lips I never got to kiss, but I must go.

Then I'll just break myself , what I am, thinking she would never love me

I will never be good enough for him, I am only robbing him of his happiness and making his life grim.

That's is, I'm calling her now (calls her)

I should say goodbye , but I'll never be able to face the pain. I'll just **** myself now so he can start to benefit and gain (cuts her wrists)

(Your phone rings) don't back out now

(Answers and says "goodbye ")

*I knew it (walks to his drawer, finds his gun and screams "die" and is gone)

Italic parts written by I Wish I Could Cry

Classified Apr 2014

An idea called Love

All people express it differently yet all people need a specific way to accept it and its like a lock and key but you can't use your own key.

People express love differently to the way that they want to receive it and that's kind of where love gets lost in translation

Two different analogies on love. First part written by I Wish I Could Cry

Classified Apr 2014

I can't.

I want to write.
I want to talk.
I want to cry
I want to run away.
I want to die.

But I can't.

I don't know what to put on paper.
I don't know what to say.
I don't know how to cry.
I don't know how to move.
I don't know ******* myself.

So I can't.
But I want to.
And it's the thought that counts.

Classified Mar 2014

A different type of poison.

As the poison ran through her veins
She started to lose control
Couldn't breathe
Couldn't talk
Couldn't move
Couldn't think about anything else.
The worst part is that she poisoned herself.

But she won't die, nor will she be okay.
Because this poison is a different kind.

The poison is hopelessness
Being let down
Negative thinking
This poison is her own creation
Specific to her
And the people she cares about can poison her just as easily as they can breathe.

Now she's sitting
Motionless
Speechless
Thoughtless
Breathless
Because the poison has circulated
And it's reached her heart.

But she won't die, nor will she be okay
Because this poison is a different kind.

She physically feels sick
She wants to die
To **** herself
To cut
Drink
Drown
Hang
Shoot
Break
And cry
But she can't.

Because this poison has paralysed her.

This poinsion has taken away
her will to breathe, not her breath itself.
Her will to move, not her mobility itself.
Her will to talk, not her speech itself.
But it has replaced every thought with that of a blade
Or a rope
Or a gun
Or a bottle
Or a pill
Or a lake
Or a building

This poison has polluted we mind and mingled with her blood. The will to **** is a part of her now and there is nothing she can do to escape that.

Despite wanting to sleep for eternity six foot under
This poison cannot **** her
Only she can
And she is close
And willing
And weak enough to attempt.

She cannot think of anything else
And it's all her fault

She created this
She started it all.
If she had succeeded last year, she wouldn't be around to have created this poison.

So until she has hit rock bottom and has a chance at succeeding
She will try to drown her demons
Suffocate her demons
Bleed herself dry of the poison
Consume enough alcohol to alter the poison

But she won't die, nor will she be okay
Because this is a different kind of poison
And she is already dead inside.

This just happened. Sorry it's a crap piece.

P.S. feelings ****.

Classified Mar 2014

This is not a poem, This is how I get my brain to shut up.

Just because I'm better
Doesn't mean I'm good.

Just because I'm alive
Doesn't mean I'm living.

Just because I'm smiling
Doesn't mean I'm happy.

Just because I'm complying
Doesn't mean I'm not rebellious.

Just because I'm not crying
Doesn't mean I'm not sad.

Just because I'm talking
Doesn't mean I'm friendly.

Just because I'm not alone
Doesn't mean I want your company.

Just because I'm quiet
Doesn't mean I'm not thinking.

Just because I don't disagree
Doesn't mean you're right.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I don't cut
Doesn't mean I don't want to.

Just because I haven't killed myself
Doesn't mean I want to live.

Just because I've cured the symptoms
Doesn't mean I've cured the disease.

Just because I'm writing
Doesn't mean I'm okay.

This is not a poem, This is how I get my brain to shut up.

Just because I haven't cut
Or burned
Or bruised
Or broken
Or sliced
Or injured
Or torn apart
any part of me
for months
Does not mean the thoughts
Ideas
And wishes
Have been dispelled from my mind.
I still dream of suicide
Crave to cut
Wish to burn myself
And pray to hurt.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean that I don't lay in bed
Unable to sleep
And unable to escape the thought
And desire
To carve the names of those who have impacted my life
Played a big part in my story
And carve your names into my lower left thigh
Using my favorite and most used blade.
Because I haven't followed through on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean I have not formulated many plans to **** myself
Hang myself while my family is out
'Accidentally' stumble in front of a car while out for a run
Slice my wrists
Jump off a building
Or my more creative ideas
Just because I have not acted on my thoughts
Yet
Does not mean I have not come up with uncountable amounts of ways to hurt myself
And ways to cover it up.
Methods and excuses.
To grate my knuckles and blame it on art or boxing.
To slice and cross my knees-I fell.
Or the classic "the cat did it"
Or my most used "I scraped it against a wall"

Just because I have cured the symptoms
Does not mean I have cured the disease

Just because I don't talk about my feelings
Doesn't mean they aren't there.

Just because I don't tell you about it
Doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Just because I keep quiet
Doesn't mean I have nothing to say.

Just because I say "it's chilled"
Doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

Just because I cover it up
Doesn't mean it's not there.

Just because I conceal it
Doesn't mean I don't feel it.

Just because I write
Doesn't mean I will talk.

Just because I share
Doesn't mean I'll show you.

Just because I talk
Doesn't mean I'll say something worthwhile.

Just because I think
Doesn't mean I'll do.

Just because I pretend
Doesn't mean it's true.

Just because I breathe
Doesn't mean I want to.

Just because I care about you
Doesn't mean you'll return the feelings.

Just because I notice things about you
Doesn't mean you will do the same to me.

*JUST BECAUSE I HAVE CURED THE SYMPTOMS
DOESN'T MEAN I'VE CURED THE DISEASE.

It's 11:27. This isn't a poem, it's how I get my brain to shut up.
This wasn't intended to be any good or anything, I know it's crap, I know it's dark and I know it's mildly graphic. But hopefully writing will help somewhat.
So now I will try sleep
And I will probably dream of Him again
Or have nightmares again
Or both
Then I will have an awfully lonely day
Clear out my room while home alone
And feel terribly abandoned by my friends and the people I care(d) about that I thought felt the same.
And I will feel like crap.
And I should probably sleep now. Or try at least.

Sorry about all this, it's terribly stupid and no one who reads this (if anyone does) will care about what I'm saying because
I Don't Matter.

Classified Mar 2014

Untitled

You get me high as a kite
Make me wanna dance all night
And that's only when I hear from you.

You bring me down like a bomb
When we can't talk and you're gone
And that's only when I don't hear from you for a week.

You make me think
You make me feel
And I realize this may be real

You make me think
You make me feel
How on earth can this be real

You build me up
You bring me down
But I know it's all in my head
When I'm thinking alone in my bed

I know it's true that you care for me
You've opened up my heart like you had a key.
(I know it's true you care for me)

You made me think
You made me feel
How will I know if this is real?

You make me think
You make me feel
And when I see your eyes I know this is real.

I think this is a biggest load of ******* I have ever written. What the hell...