When the night casts its
shadow
over the sea it's as though it
s k i p s
a beat
The reflection of the moon
                            sinking~
deep into the current,
wraps itself silently over your cold skin
as you fold your arms into your chest
& kick up rain from darkness.
I can see all of the
g o O s E b U m P s
spreading beneath your pale thighs
& a soft grey light seeping
through your shy eyes.

It scares me and comforts me that I cannot
imagine a song or story book that
knows me better than your lips.
Last night I listened to
Amy Hit the Atmosphere
on loop for three hours & didn't wake with
random-
                          red-
                                                gashes//
all over my left forearm.
I can dream of Heathcliff & Catherine
out on the moors without
flooding my cheek bones with salt water

but now we're happily
flooding every crease in our palms
& every bend in our legs
with salt water.

I know come sunset the nature that
cradles us calmly now will wake
w ild ly
and usher us back to shore where
I will lose you to a blinding sun
but for now I need to feel the curve of your ankle
summoning mine.

If we exist as strongly as we can in this moment, the future shouldn't scare us because if we exist at all in this moment, the past didn't break us.

**I'm alive tonight &
I'll float in and out of you as I choose to.

42 since I started to breathe rotting leaves under a November blizzard.
34 since I entered this body that day on the porch.
32 since I understood violence to be an accepted
part of life.

So many years I have carried this burden and I am tired, so tired.

So many sad Novembers.

But it's April now and 29 since I tasted a woman's mouth. 26 since I discovered how it felt to be inside another human, while completely inside myself.

It's April now and I crave the pale round goblets of milky skin these young flowers offer.
New rituals indeed smolder as centuries unfold.

It's only been 12 since I knew I was part of God
and 7 since I started hating us for being so close.

It was last March since I lost faith in you and I haven't stopped breathing shadows.
I am so tired, dearest.
What must I do?
It's April now, the walnut tree is black against the streetlight; the sycamores line the empty boulevard and I can smell the ghosts in the park.

These milky skies and milky thighs burn in
my skull.  January has lost her way
again as everyone forgets about the poets.
It's the poets that get them through a grey December.
We all share the same air, we all breathe
each other.
There is a lone willow tree, in the cradle of the park, bearing your divine name, which can be heard whispered by the ghosts who wander
on this lonely reservoir.

I am pining for dried tea bags and empty dresses as long summer nights bring insects and revelations.
I am your stone gargoyle.

Inching back, wind at my back,
I gave and you advanced.
You asked for a smidgen, a little more lack,
And I stumbled as we danced.

I thought, Just an inch and she'll be satisfied,
And back again I crept,
Ignoring the hollowly howling tide
From over the ledge where the angry sea slept.

I dared not look back, for it frightened me so,
And anyway I could already feel
That a few feet behind lay the edge and below
A searing cold sea of hot steel.

The wind bit at my back and you snarled for a smile
And so my lips complied.
I asked could I maybe just rest for a while?
With cold sweetness you kindly replied:

"But it's only an inch, all I want is an inch!
I need my room to grow.
I can't breathe with you near, all I need is an inch,
It's so selfish of you, you know."

And you dangled the bait- knew I couldn't stand hate-
I folded and fell in my head,
Collapsed like a house of cards, crying, "Wait! Wait!"
Your threats weighing my veins down like lead.

I gave you a foot to repent at your feet,
For my terror of falling was matched
By my heart's crying need for a reason to beat
And my cold soul your sunlight to catch.

And by and by when I rose, weak, on trembling knees
And snatched a glance behind,
I saw not packed earth but a roiling sea-
I was fast running out of time.

I could feel the vast drop with a sense more than sight,
Like cat whiskers ***** in the dark.
I felt every moment the hunger of night,
And the break neck fall thundered my heart.

I said, "Darling, I'm scared and I've come unprepared
For a fall like the one right behind me.
I'm begging you, please, let's go back over there,
Where the sting of the cold cannot find me."

"You're kidding," you said, "Are you out of your head?
Look at all of the damage you've done!
You're selfish and sad, and whatever we had is dead-
I've a mind to just run!"

And then you stepped forth with another demand,
The inch that would make my decision.
But I cowered and crumbled at your biting command
As bitter rain and cold light blurred my vision.

"I'm sorry," I said, as I clutched the edge,
"You'd better be." you then replied.
And a hair's length from plummeting right off the ledge,
You demanded an inch and I cried.

Fingernails clutched the cold stone as I wept,
And I couldn't hold out any longer.
As you blindly demanded another last step,
Drops stung down from the slate grey sky, somber.

Tears mingled with rain, and then, only then,
Did I realize it's never enough.
Never would be or could be or will or has been,
For this is your real goal, my love.

As I peer up into your lovely cold eyes,
I finally know it's not me.
The moment I loved you I was marked to die,
And even when I have gone you won't see

That you backed me, my love, drove me right off a cliff,
Demanding an inch at a time.
And I fought for each one, not a second to miss-
Before I'd lose you and leave life behind.

And now in my moments of choice and of death,
I'm asking you, please, to believe me:
I've given my sanity, life, and last breath
To beseech you, my love, not to leave me.

Forgive me if tiny things mean far too much,
But I'm living in inches, you see.
And they've been eroded and taken and touched
Until this is the only one left me.

Slowly frittered away, inch by inch, day by day,
I have given up all that you gave me.
You have taken it back, please just give me today:
It's all I want, knowing nothing can save me.