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653 · Jun 2016
To: Ronnie Zimmerman.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Be careful who you tell empty promises too.
I'm afraid I've heard one to many from you
and from him and from him before that.
These lost words of living up to your word
decay
day by day.
Hit me up if you'd like, but don't tell me you will
when you know you won't.
I'd love to love you, I'd love to hold your hand.
Thats a promise I'd love to keep,
   if you'd ever let me.
I just wanted a friend. I just wanted to spend some time with you.
So, Mr. Starbux-Colorado-Patagonia man,
I'd love to live up to my promises
if you'd ever live up to yours.
647 · Sep 2013
Road Runner.
Claire Ellen Sep 2013
I hope this ol' train breaks down,
So I can see,
The inside of your mind sweetie,
Its opening up, one crack at a time.
One family member closer,
one 7 month closer.
Your mind, will forever be a maze,
And I will forever explore,
each word you spoke.
To much love for one world,
our love bleeds onto others.
These corners of your heart,
is just enough room for my findings.
Hold me closer, pin me down.
And never forever longer frown.
You have me, and you have my hands,
hold them, rub them, ring them left,
because you will have been a theft,
of my ever curious mind.
Mrs. CC, Baby Claire, and Coyote,
the names I never thought I'd hear,
from those nights in a red Corvette
to the days we spent,
much to far apart. Separate hearts,
Can make one love
with to many unworthy words,
and to much unwasted time,
and to many memories:
Baby I could spend a life time,
Folding away these late night memories,
into my deep rolling brain waves.
My dreams are lucky to be holding you.
645 · Jun 2013
Names Cross My Mind.
Claire Ellen Jun 2013
Once, I heard them say
I am the night,
you are the day.
The midnight controlled.
Our bodies network together,
Spiderwebs are inspired through us.
no one can have, what we achieved.
So short on time,
but all those days,
I dressed for you.
The night hides the secrets
you have trusted with only me.
the day proves we are stronger
than any earthly force.
Religion Families, or Fear
they build us up, they tear us down.
But these egale feathers
that grow under our skin,
someday with show,
and lift us far from
the life we live, and
bring us too the life we choose.
Dress Nice,
Dance *****,
my baby please dont leave me.
I've lost you once I cant go again.
Abraham and Issac,
one control one fear,
funny with us it always,
goes goes goes to the bible.
take the fear
that holds us back,
put it in a cage, and throw it to the stars,
make your wish
as it flies by,
the planets moon.
I hold onto you
Neptune, Big and Blue
like my still beating heart.
634 · Sep 2013
Alveoli.
Claire Ellen Sep 2013
Stop. your taking my breath away.
Things about you memorize me,
and I'm stuck thinking about you all day,
I still hope, your the one, holding the key
Unlock my heart, and open up yours.
All these nights away from you,
Could be opening new discoverable doors,
But with you, I feel like I can do,
anything.
Feeling light and free,
You may never realize,
You helped me.
610 · Nov 2013
Ziggy Stardust.
Claire Ellen Nov 2013
Can my tears
clear your eyes,
like
Rapunzle?
Will your found
shoe fit my
tiny
feet?
What about the
dwarves carried in
my
past?
Is there room
for them in
your
castle?
Baby just look,
see that really
your not as
bad as
me.
I'm no princess,
Not since I
was a  very
little girl. Running
in
Dresses.
Flashing, bright colors
little did I
know.
My prince would
later come, to
help
me.
602 · Sep 2013
Grandma.
Claire Ellen Sep 2013
8 milimeter camera
8 milimeter memory.
sneaking a finger,
maybe two,
with my sister
in the same tent.
Hope no one walks in
to ruin this I love you
moment.
Apartments, house, kids
easy as 1,2,3.
But more expensive than a New York Flat.
596 · Jun 2016
Curly.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Teddy bear your my ride or die
you've seen me laugh, hear my cry
you've been squeezed and thrown
      loved and forgotten.
How could something so inaminent bring joy an life?
When I was small I picked you up
the snowflake on your sweater was just enough.
Holding my hand, going on road trips,
you've been everywhere with me.
You are my ride or die.
588 · Mar 2015
Paths.
Claire Ellen Mar 2015
Lungs collapsing.
Full with cold.
Tears or sweat;
Mix on my face.
How often I question
my tired bones.
Please dont fail me now.
Structures build up
to benefit me,
but all I see,
is the change and regret.
Pouring from within,
Oh my dear, Dont go...
I only want some time for me
to think clearly.
I dont want to lose you,
But cant you see??
Sometimes the runaway,
just might be me.
584 · Oct 2013
Darkness, Your Ally.
Claire Ellen Oct 2013
I have stopped looking for you,
because I won't hear you come in,
but I will hear you when you sleep.
Long distances don't mean a thing.
I have been torn from your side,
and replaced with a drive,
for adventure, and life to the full.
Truth is I'm jealous.
Your life is free and flowing,
you come and go when you please.
An application, a job always calling your name,
some state, some town.
Yet, I know someday,
You will thieve me,
"Away" can be our destination,
and night can cover our tracks.
584 · Jun 2013
LaMont Studios.
Claire Ellen Jun 2013
Summer, wind, earth, body,
words that sweep me off my feet.
fourteener, lakes, sunsets,
things that catch my breath.
car crashes, deaths, movies,
things that make me cry.
jokes, messy hair, tripping,
things that make me laugh.
holy cow, you.
you swept me off my feet,
you made me cry,
but you came back,
and you made me happy.
"your almost perfect,
and i'm a ***".
you said.
but i said,
you take the wheel, and take me away.
lets run,
run away?
run toward,
run for
something.
584 · Mar 2013
La Luna.
Claire Ellen Mar 2013
I'm falling,
hotter and hotter,
I'm falling,
with the stars,
Freer and freer.
I'm throwing,
harder and harder,
I'm throwing
my anchor to the moon,
steadier and steadier.
I'm not going down yet,
staying and staying,
I'm watching from up here,
the snow falling heavier each year,
lighter and lighter.
The snow on the trees,
it always helps me see,
clearer and clearer.
Have you heard,
when the snow falls,
the sounds are soaked,
into each crystal
on the flake.
creating an image
stronger and stronger
than words.
The stars they fall,
The moon it catches,
The snow flakes show,
all the steps to love.
Closer and Closer.
565 · Mar 2016
1-10
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
I used to be a violin-loving liberal.
Now I'm a MMA independent.
Some day I will be a mother of four.
But for now, I'm happy and wild.
558 · Jun 2013
Jack London.
Claire Ellen Jun 2013
Nightmares,
filled with shock and surprise.
****** from the heart and
Flung into the heart
of all things primordial.
This sun-kissed life
with nothing to do,
neither peace,
nor rest, or safety.
All, every moment of life,
for these dogs, "men"
they were savages,
the law of club and fang.
So, She was buried,
screaming with agony,
beneath the bristling mass
of "bodies" women, before.
Wrote this from words off a page in the book Call Of the Wild, By Jack London.
531 · Nov 2013
500☆☆'s
Claire Ellen Nov 2013
I'm diving for pearls,
and I keep hitting a cement floor.
I'm looking for wild life,
and I find I left the lense cap on.
I'm spring cleaning.
And thrift shopping after.
All this dreaming is starting to
become reality, and flash flash flash,
before my eyes.
The cameras collecting dust on the shelf.
Stare at me through their lens capped eyes.
They peer and ask, "Our turn?"
These pictures on the wall were to inspire to decorate.
Its always in focus, but life,
is so cast we need an
unfocused, wide lens, with zoom.
These old film charts are negatives,
showing all the positives of my old,
seen, unexplored world.
Come to me vinons of insight,
enlighten me master of seeking.
These simple views of life,
always complicate things till you settle in.
526 · Feb 2013
Needle and Thread.
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
I listened with heart fit to break.
How do you stop thinking,
about something thats been with you
for the past couple of months?
Go from my mind,
Leave from my soul,
You are no longer my ultimate goal.
I absolutely refuse to forget.
But, sometimes I do fret,
the tears come to my eyelids
when I realize what I did
all the wrongs i committed,
But everything just felt... fitted.
People may judge me for what I've done,
but who said it was my choice?
when will they give me the voice?
Once you open your mouth,
and choose certain words to say,
people stop listening,-
views getting distorted,
sometimes I question, if I regret,
but then I remember how you just left.
of how I was standing in the rain,
completely open, and full of pain.
and you dumped-words on me,
and left me still open
you didnt even leave,
a needle and thread so i could start,
to help my self become one full part.
524 · Jan 2013
Houses
Claire Ellen Jan 2013
the walls,
the walls and rooms becoming
harsh cold rocky caves.
warm living rooms
hopeless and empty.
not time to relax and
sit back. Always a constant
nagging- this is wrong,
redo this, fix this,
your late for curfew,
the opposite of egotistcal,
instead a self conscious.
It comes in, and settles deep
deep within the burrow of
my wandering mind with
legs of its own. I can
never let this go...
constant question in my head.
replay and rewinding flipping
and poking fun at my,
every move.
the walls,
the walls. No longer my
safe comforting room,
instead a musty dark jail.
Holding me captive I stay,
with no choice I stay,
with no choice I come back.
Hope is gone from my
starved ribs. The house is
quiet but I'm awake.
House is equal to a sacred
jail, bad locked on the inside,
and good hidden visibly
on the front lawn.
Nothing is wrong here...
except everything, and nothing
to be said.
The walls,
the walls, suffocating
closing, increasingly closer
i will break out and
when i do, no choice for you,
but to watch. I may get hurt-
i can always try. Strike!
Strike in,
Strike me down,
but don't hear me go.
Its okay for you, but
not for me? I laugh at good, and
grimace at evil, it can chase
and sometimes catch
me, who just wanted to be
Alone. In,
The walls,
The walls, covered in writing
of my words gone,
and unnoticed.
523 · Aug 2013
Futures.
Claire Ellen Aug 2013
Summer days consist of
you and adventures.
Summer nights consist of
reminiscing over those days.
Someday I will spend with you,
and some summer night,
I will reminisce with you.
513 · Aug 2013
The Prayer Room.
Claire Ellen Aug 2013
The vines grow inside my body,
up from the ground, into my thighs,
down from the sky into my eyes.
It overcomes into my mind
warping and wraping until I find
my heart turned violent
inside of my chest.
The only thing untouched in this mess.
The vine it spreads
it goes and it heads
curving down going around,
my lungs look like overgrown gates.
Closed for the winder, and closed from hate.
The vine it reaches,
for my inmost being ceases
the part of my know one cares
the part of me I dare not share.
Calm, Cool, Collected me.
The people who watch
they think i am a statue.
Letting this vine,
make crime,
in my life. I guess they're right,
I dont want to nor do I fight.
The vine sprouts
up from the ground,
my warped mind, can't seem to decide,
Does the vine belong?
or should I bring it down.
Claire Ellen Jul 2013
So rachet
So messy
Dont tap me
I'm shady.
You tap out
I'm crazy
I'm in
I'm covered
Dont steady me
I'll cheat you
I'll eat you
Don't doubt me
I'll prove you
I'm on you,
Your in me
Dont leave me
I'll find you
I'm bestest
I'm with you
I'm lady
I'm ******
Dont test me,
I'll fill you,
With my fist *****.
497 · Feb 2013
My 6th grade crush
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
love can fill your
heart
but it can never be
apart
from who is for
you
when you believe they are
true
rust turns
pure
hate turns
clear
and all
before
turns to something
more
and when he
knelt
all you
felt
undescribed.
490 · Jan 2014
showers.
Claire Ellen Jan 2014
Late night texts
=
Late night ***.
Early morning regrets
=
Breakfast in bed.
Mid-day breaks
=
Mid-day surprise.
Evening calls
=
Our conversational recalls.
Late night nightmares
=
Everyday dreams.
Oh the life I'll hold with you.
490 · Dec 2013
Giant 22.
Claire Ellen Dec 2013
Do I make me happy?
Yes.
Do I think I am somewhat pretty?
Yes.
Is that egotistical of me?
No.
Why does it all matter.
Everyone is different.
How much more diverse would we be,
If all the girls took off their makeup?
How much more silly would we be,
If all the guys stopped hiding behind their muscle?
If you don't like me now,
You wont like me then.
Cant you wake up and see???
Your making foes in your imagination,
that never existed.
Wake up and see, that just because you dont like it,
doesnt mean its wrong.
And just because I like it,
doesnt mean its trivial.
I read your books,
I say yes and no when it is appropriate.
But if you had really known me before,
You would know,
I cant be tamed,
I cant be reigned.
And yes I will change for you,
But you have to accept me,
with my flaws and my foes,
you have to love me,
when I'm clumsy and I fall.
I love you
weather your wrong or right,
weather you dance all night,
or stand by the wall.
You make me happy and you keep my mind working.
Keep your head sane, and your eyes up.
Keep your mouth talking, and your ears hearing.
Marry me, whisk me away, and never ever say,
It wasnt meant to be.
486 · Apr 2015
Shopping.
Claire Ellen Apr 2015
I could watch you sleep all night.
When the coffee wears,
and the moon is bright and shinning,
the drive home is short but dreaded,
I never wanted tonight to end.
Smiling, Laughing,Living, like never before,
My heart has grown three times four.
I will never be happy with you gone
And I hope never will that happen for long.
Raindrops through my roof,
It makes me feel *****,
and with you by my side, theres no stopping,
Be my hunter, I will be the foxes,
No one can contain our love in boxes.
You keep catching me just by a hair,
but soon, to swift, and I'll let you have my every care.
Till next time my love,
I'll dream, breath, and think,
of my sweet.
485 · Dec 2013
Covered.
Claire Ellen Dec 2013
Oh, I'm so sorry,
I like giving gifts to you.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes I drive to fast.
I'm so sorry,
that sometimes your jokes are to harsh.
I'm so sorry,
that I make you mad
by going to concerts.
I'm so sorry
that you don't like my over carring-ness.
I'm so sorry
I love you with all my heart.
I'm so sorry,
I dont wear make-up
I'm so sorry
I am different than you,
I wasn't raised like you,
I wasn't taught like you,
I'm not quick like you,
But if I was you,
I would love me,
Just how I was.
And I would,
Keep my dreams big,
and my worries small.
And sometimes I would even make
important things seem important, and fun.
I wouldn't ruin my good days,
and I would hold you when you cried,
instead of telling you to stop.
485 · Apr 2013
Bed Sheets.
Claire Ellen Apr 2013
I wake up,
in a sweat,
in a rush,
bile at my throat,
and you on my mind.
dreams or nightmares
who knows, who cares?
when you enter my dream,
whether it be our first kiss,
under the sheets,
over the sheets,
in my pants,
in your pants
tossing and turning,
WAKE ME UP!
i dont want to remember,
nights where we tried dominos
but you kept knocking them over.
nights where we watched a scary movie,
got frozen ice cream,
and made love to each other,
in ways that seemed they would last forever.
but, i should have noticed.
you never said forever,
you said this line,
i will always question,
"No spark from the beginning."
if there wasnt for you,
then what made you think
you could own me,
and try to show me,
what love...
doesnt mean.
love is give and take,
love is rain on a date.
but we wont get into what love means,
since you never said
it to me anyways.
484 · Feb 2014
Scream and Drive.
Claire Ellen Feb 2014
Drive angry?
I will.
I finally understand screamo music,
I have all of these emotion draining out of me,
and I have issues that nobody understands.
"he's a ******?"
You never complained as much as me?
You need a ****** reality check sister.
Your now husband, you were going to leave him
but then he popped the question.
You can blame my issues on anything yiu want.
Some blame it on the church,
some blame it on my work,
some blame it on my sister,
my parents or my boyfriend.
Or people could just realize I got myself
here in this drepressing pit.
So keep blamin what you want
Someday you'll be here,
in my shoes.
And you'll realize what its like
having no one to blame but yourself.
483 · Mar 2013
My Insides.
Claire Ellen Mar 2013
Doctor, Doctor, I need help,
The movie stars tears,
They aren't real.
Doctor, Doctor, I need help,
My heart is aching,
And I think I felt,
It dropped to the Pits,
And it won't get out.
Doctor, Doctor, help!
I can't wait much longer,
I'm confused, and I wander,
Into the dark alone,
I dont wanna go home.
Doctor, Doctor,
I'm all out of breath,
I have been running and running,
from death.
You will have to listen
Listen to my heart.
But I asure you,
Every beat will say,
Doctor Doctor....
Help.
469 · May 2013
Futures.
Claire Ellen May 2013
Summer days consist of
you and adventures.
Summer night consist of
reminiscing over those days.
Some day I will spend with you,
and some summer night,
I will reminisce with you.
466 · Jul 2019
Who Are You?
Claire Ellen Jul 2019
She asked me, Who are you?
I responded, What do you mean?
My headed and thoughts thickened and clouded over;
Who am I?
Have I lost touch of all the wonderful blocks that build me
    to me?
Have I lost the emotions and roots that created me
    to be me?
I know I have found her before,
once or  twice when alone and happy and free,
but now I've morphed into, just me.
Then I think, all these things I think are me,
are they me?
Or are they what others see in me?
Have I morphed into a "What you see me"?
People say I am warm and bright,
but all I can ask is who are you?
Are you changing? Are you sliding by?
Who do you want to be vs. who were you?
I'm Claire.
I'm unfiltered,
I'm easy going,
I'm nervous but adventurous,
I'm authentic and open with everyone,
When I love you, I LOVE you
    and when I hate you, I just don't care about you anymore.
I'm so open I hurt deeply,
I'm selfish
   but I think everyone should be in some ways.
I always see another side,
I'm dramatic but I shy from frienship and relationship drama
I don't belong to one mold, I'm always changing and shifting
I'm an imaginer and not much of a do-er,
I'm a listener,
God respecter.
I find it funny, my whole life my parents said,
"You're unique", but never said why or how to use this "uniqueness".
I just grew up thinking, "I'm unique" but I still don't know why.
I'm pretty much like everyone else I think,
I feel, I love, I see, I react.
I change so much in a day its hard to focus on who I'm being in one moment.
I don't know who I am,
I really don't even know who I want to be,
I just want to be better than I am now.
454 · Oct 2013
Ex-Lover.
Claire Ellen Oct 2013
I'm sorry,
but I heard you were talking about me,
at some party?
I thought when you left me,
for another girl,
you said you were basically
gone for good. Oh, ex-honey,
Don't ever talk about me.
Especially,
If your not courageous enough to tell,
How you left me, so heartlessly.
If they knew, what you did,
You wouldn't have anyone to tell about me.
452 · Dec 2013
Bad Day #1.
Claire Ellen Dec 2013
Dont make me change to much baby,
or else I wont be me.
I'll be like some model,
looking from a billboard
with a face that says,
"Am I pretty yet?"
Baby, yes you are,
you are wonderful and handsome to me.
You make me happy, you make me sad.
You fix me when I fall, and you never drop me.
You are already right for me,
you don't have to change.
Well, maybe a couple things,
here and there.
And I change too,
just for you.
Because I fit perfectly with your body,
I want to fit perfectly to your style too.
But like I said,
Dont change me too much,
Or else I'll be someone new.
Someone who you didn't know
to begin with.
Dont change me to much,
or else, I'll fit so perfectly with you,
you wont feel me anymore.
451 · Feb 2013
Chliche.
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
I lick my lips,
They taste so sweet,
From my Starbucks drink.
I look outside,
The trees seem to hide,
Behind the thick gray rain.
It seems to wash away my pain.
How cliche,
Am I to think
About the heavy rain
Clink, clink,
The gutters are full,
Everything is just so dull.
This Tuesday afternoon,
Is dragging its feet,
Through this,  already long week.
451 · Jun 2013
Grandma.
Claire Ellen Jun 2013
The tears blur my vision,
but I like it better this way,
I don't see this world,
for what it really is.
451 · Jan 2014
Tuesday Night.
Claire Ellen Jan 2014
Noises in the night time,
banging and booming,
Coyotes howling to the moon.
Cows mooing in their pins,
Foxes fight in the street like ladies screaming.
And us.
A new noise in the night time.
But certainly a liked sound by me,
and certainly a sound only two have ever heard:
you and me.
the skin, the bones,
and sometimes the shower
I wonder if I will ever get tired of your skin
on mine?
Of your shoulders tattooed and never going back?
Of your whispers in my ear?
And then I think,
Sick of that?
Never.
These star reflections of carved glass cups,
encasing our love.
Only two people have heard,
the noises in the night time.
Claire Ellen Oct 2013
I finally find myself,
at the lowest of lows.
No litterally...
In the basement,
Sitting in the bottom of the shower.
I keep thinking about colors,
fall colors, hair colors,
I keep asking myself,
why did I change myself.
I was perfect the way I was,
and now its going to take,
a long while to get back
to how I was.
My nose ring feels fake,
My newly died hair feels fake,
and my insides are starting to turn to plastic.
Take it all back!
Take back the die, the pierce,
But that is just one thing about
Lady Time.
She cant be taken back.
She can only move forward,
even if it means,
depression.
441 · Mar 2015
No More Tears to Cry.
Claire Ellen Mar 2015
My outside is fake, hard, plastic.
My insides dying to come out! express.
No Barbie could ever see through this mess.
Fighting for a relationship is worth it,
until the fighting is done,
and still not gain has been made.
Still not solving solved.
How happy I was a year ago,
How happy I was in the shower,
And it is always your fault.
You are a selfish manipulator,
that always gets your way.
***.... For church?
I stand for my religion
and you knock out my feet.
I stand for my God,
and you knock out my knees.
I am an astronaut painting,
Painting my own universe,
slowly shattering and being painted over
by your own self,
How can you be so stone cold,
How can you not trust?
After all this my trust, is still away,
So no more slowing down.
I am done.
Not more convincing or holding back
I have got the reigns with no slack.
Manipulate all you want, you'll never get your way.
Because finally I realize it should never be this way.
Something you cant find
Take me back to the shower,
how happy I was!
and now, I've lost it...
Who knows when it will return.
Butterflies cant be kept in a box.
not matter how beautiful
they suffocate slowly and die,
when their job is to bring new life.
440 · Jun 2016
Live.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Words like backpack, espresso, and morning
they make me want to thrive.
Ideas of the pas, the now and the future
they make me want to run and let go.
Bed, sleep, snuggle
I want to fall in love again.
Adventure, summer, single
make me warm and wanting inside.
My whole being has missed this freeing feeling,
No current control, no connections to have,
Now, finally, its I and my sweet lost soul.
437 · Oct 2013
Darkness, Your Alley. #2
Claire Ellen Oct 2013
I have stopped looking for you,
because I know I wont hear you come in,
but I know I'll hear you when you sleep.
And I guess you can say, I am tired.
But I'll never be to tired to love you.
The fear in me, can always be relieved,
and in my heart you'll always be recieved.
I guess you can't be too far away,
when I'm thinking about you all night and day.
I wish you'd stop moving from place to place,
So that maybe you could see my face,
and how sad it is when you go,
even for just a week or so.
I can't stop thinking about work tomorrow,
and now I will try to fill it with anything but sorrow.
But oh, the places you'll go,
and the stories you'll tell.
I always love you no matter the distance,
I'll keep myself destracted,
my hear won't be too fractured.
You have inspired me to adventure, myself,
I will have my fill of own desire,
and when you get back,
I'll be the teller.
Tell me which one you like better!! 1 or 2. Or maybe neither. Then don't tell me.
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
Last night I went to a concert,
and just to be crazy, I wore a short skirt.
I also drank a lot, because i know you hate it,
last night I danced past my limit,
I washed the thought of you away
as I swayed, swayed, swayed.
So I let the music take over,
become the beating of my heart,
leaving all regrets behind.
Tonight I went out to dance again,
and I danced until not thought of you remained.
then I came home, yes I was alone,
but it felt good having the bed to my own.
not having to worry to please you all night,
I could just lay down and not have to fight,
how tired I really was,
now I am dreaming, something i haven't done,
in a long long long time.
432 · Feb 2013
Apt to Fit.
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
I'm trying to fit in my bed,
when did i become so giant?
I'm trying to fit in my skin,
when did it become so small?
I'm trying to fit in my life,
when did it become so vast?
I'm trying to fit with you,
since when do you like her?
I'm trying to fit in places not for me.
Its time to dance right out of here,
Its time for me to leave.
429 · Feb 2013
drifting
Claire Ellen Feb 2013
drifting, drifting,
in the open shores,
i hope i can get lost
looking out at sea.
My mind is gone, gone,
my body is present
from where i stand
physically stable,
mentally insecure.
Blank pages fluttering
waiting for color and me
paint my life,
with color and light.
wheels turning, turning,
like the Kansas highway
and I'm leaving, leaving,
my past behind.
421 · Jul 2013
The Hope.
Claire Ellen Jul 2013
These Knights of shame
fell off their horses
at the beginning of war.
These nights of shame
at the point where her body is exposed.
These Knights of shame
whom rode through battle in fear of death,
instead of conquring death itself.
These nights of shame
when the drinks became to much.
These words are how I life my head,
in moments of the worlds shame.
This is my personal worship
when it's the Father and I.
These moutains are made of mere large grains
These bits of love are made form small acts.
These Knights of shame
are the guys I have fallen for before
these nights of shame
are something of my past.
I believe in a lot of things that might wind up
false.
But I can say that I have
Hope.
If you dont stand for anything
You are bound to fall for anything.
418 · Dec 2013
Family Dinner.
Claire Ellen Dec 2013
It was that kind of night,
when your nose froze to your face
when you stepped outside.
But we didn't care anyways,
our kisses were warm
and our hearts were close.
418 · May 2015
Covenant.
Claire Ellen May 2015
Rainy days, don't go away,
Stay here and give me comfort.
I long to go, to places unknown.
I want to live and be free,
But I also want babes.
My heart would shatter to leave him,
but I am unhappy with him.
"The Lord will prevail"
I keep repeating in my head,
"But only one of us believes"
says my body.
Two lovers tangled. In more than just sheets.
Our love grows deeper each week.
Making it harder to leave.
Two lovers tangled in change.
Your love for me is pure
but mine is shattered and murky.
The thing I want most right in front of me
but I am not reaching.
"Maybe it will pass" I think,
"Maybe it will last" I speak.
"Maybe it will pass" I think,
"Maybe it will last" I speak.
416 · Jan 2013
secretes.
Claire Ellen Jan 2013
I told the roses
what you said
when you said you first loved me.
I hope you dont mind,
I told the roses.
I told every snowflake
what you did
when you did that thing called kiss me.
I hope you dont mind
I told the snow flakes.
I told the trees
what we did
when we did it in your bed.
I hope you dont mind
I told the trees.
the walls heard me
when you left
when you left me on the steps.
that time I didn't have to tell,
they heard me crying in my cell.
after awhile, the roses
of my heart, withered away.
soon the snowflakes
they melted to my tears.
the trees
they planted my feet and
they built some walls around me.
the walls they
protect my heart
still to this day.
408 · Mar 2013
Voices, Vices, and Visions.
Claire Ellen Mar 2013
I have lived through 3 suicides,
and limitless unexpected deaths.
I have been in courts,
that only end with "guilty".
I have shared deep convicting connections,
that can never be repeated with others.
What has my body become?
My flesh is smothered with boys oils,
My heart has been replaced by mechanics,
stuck on one same beat,
My kisses have become wasted,
no longer special to me or others.
Thats only the physical.
LOVE.
How do I believe in you anymore?
Speaking of which,
when did love become approval?
When Love did you become a law?
Dry your tears child,
life is to short for so much sorrow.
How do you climb out of this depressing pit?
Laughter, God, Music.
And possibly in that order.
408 · Mar 2014
All Boiled Down.
Claire Ellen Mar 2014
On three peices of paper,
I wrote with a heavy heart
three things I would rather not loose.
One. You.
Two. My heart.
Three. My Desire.
    Count, one.
You. If I lost you weather it be
You left,
You died,
You disappeared on me.
My heart would be lost too.
My heart goes with you.
My heart would forever leave from my body,
My poor wretched heart would never heal.
Oh dear,
My desire!
My desire would follow my heart,
drop out of this world.
My desire would burn out like a winter fire.
My desire would forever fade until it was finally gone.
404 · May 2013
Another Stog?
Claire Ellen May 2013
I'm in my room
and all alone.
I'm wearing your old flannel
the one with character.
Its pouring rain.
The most depressing thing,
of those facts above,
is not one of them says,
I'm dancing in the rain.
402 · Mar 2013
Ballrooms and Wine.
Claire Ellen Mar 2013
Here I was,
waiting, wishing, hoping,
for the songs to start,
for you to sweep me,
right off my feet.
But the music,
it has been playing,
all night.
Here we were,
waiting, wishing, hoping,
for each other.
399 · Feb 2014
Rage Cycles.
Claire Ellen Feb 2014
Up high in this tower,
I cant see anything from this window!
and all these panes are blocking my view.
not seeing clearly,
and like an elephant suspended
by birds, I feel heavy as ever.
I like the sounds in music,
and you like the beats.
*******. Love? Thats a word
over used and misunderstood.
I'm starting over.
No really, all the way back to
Genesis. And I'm ending over again.
Revelation. A Revealing of,
Spirit. Heart. Mind. and Body.
Dont stop me!
I'm no bird tied down by string.
I'm as free and dusty and an empty cage.
The belt of Orion,
is on my waist now.
Dream what you will, I for once,
am at peace with... "Situations".
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