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Jul 2019 · 362
Who Are You?
Claire Ellen Jul 2019
She asked me, Who are you?
I responded, What do you mean?
My headed and thoughts thickened and clouded over;
Who am I?
Have I lost touch of all the wonderful blocks that build me
    to me?
Have I lost the emotions and roots that created me
    to be me?
I know I have found her before,
once or  twice when alone and happy and free,
but now I've morphed into, just me.
Then I think, all these things I think are me,
are they me?
Or are they what others see in me?
Have I morphed into a "What you see me"?
People say I am warm and bright,
but all I can ask is who are you?
Are you changing? Are you sliding by?
Who do you want to be vs. who were you?
I'm Claire.
I'm unfiltered,
I'm easy going,
I'm nervous but adventurous,
I'm authentic and open with everyone,
When I love you, I LOVE you
    and when I hate you, I just don't care about you anymore.
I'm so open I hurt deeply,
I'm selfish
   but I think everyone should be in some ways.
I always see another side,
I'm dramatic but I shy from frienship and relationship drama
I don't belong to one mold, I'm always changing and shifting
I'm an imaginer and not much of a do-er,
I'm a listener,
God respecter.
I find it funny, my whole life my parents said,
"You're unique", but never said why or how to use this "uniqueness".
I just grew up thinking, "I'm unique" but I still don't know why.
I'm pretty much like everyone else I think,
I feel, I love, I see, I react.
I change so much in a day its hard to focus on who I'm being in one moment.
I don't know who I am,
I really don't even know who I want to be,
I just want to be better than I am now.
May 2017 · 252
Vows II.
Claire Ellen May 2017
Wild. Our love is wild at heart.
Your passion inspires my happiness,
and my happiness seeks to find you.
Your adventurous spirit guides my wild soul into an oblivion we call our own.
You found me while I was unprepared and unready;
soon to find that you would prepare me to be ready for sparking moments.
I fell into you needing to be caught;
soon to find you swept me off my feet.
Our love is completely indescribable to some,
but to others, like the ones here today, they know.
They can see the love that shines from my eyes and comes from your heart.
They can sense an area of untouched happiness that both of us explore more with each other.
We will hold and we will cherish;
but we will also live fully letting the other grow and become better.
You light the fire under my wild soul, so I can fan the flame of your adventurous spirit,
and we fall into the grasp of each others waiting and ready-for-anything- arms.
Wild. Your love is wild at heart.
Her passion inspires his happiness,
and his happiness seeks to find her.
His adventurous spirit guides her wild soul into an oblivion they can call home.
He found her unprepared and unready;
soon to find that he was preparing her to be ready for sparking moments.
She fell into him needing to be caught;
soon to find she was swept off her feet.
Your love is completely indescribable to some,
but to other, like the ones here today, we know.
We can see the love that shines from her eyes and into his heart.
We can sense an area of untouched happiness that both of them explore together.
They will hold and they will cherish;
but they also love fully letting the other grow and become better.
As he lights the fire under her wild soul, she can fan the flame of his adventurous spirit,
they can freely fall into the grasp of each others waiting and ready-for-anything- arms.
May 2017 · 224
Claire Ellen May 2017
We loved.
We loved getting new barbies, and new guns.
We loved new toys and the thought of growing older.
We loved the outdoors, exploring and imagining.
We grew older and lost touch with that old tender love.
Then we found each other.
At that moment we found we loved each other.
We loved each other in the wild.
We loved seeing each other's hearts catch fire with passion.
We loved to explore things we didn't know we loved.
We loved each other.
Now we've grown to a new love.
A love the bible calls "unconventional"
A love that poets call "unwavering"
A love I once asked God to bring me too,
And a love you were searching for when you found me.
We take a step towards this love,
fully and head on.
Because our love will be better.
Our love will carry on, and never end;
We will pass it on to strangers and to our family.
We have a special love that only some can find.
A love I call, you call and we all call wild and free.
Mar 2017 · 285
Claire Ellen Mar 2017
All that has come from my body,
all that this body has made,
is waste.
It makes look and tissue that sluf off.
It makes **** thats pushed out,
and it makes *** thats squeezed out.
On the occasional night of to much drinking,
maybe ***** that is forced from the stomach.
This body has had no accomplishments,
no miracles.
This body was created to create,
but has not yet found its purpose.
Claire Ellen Mar 2017
My body is warmed from the shower,
everything is clean, my outside looks normal.
But as the water soaks into my skin
every droplet like an old memory
drying me up.
My insides are hurting
they are sagging and depressed.
"I want to be a mother," I whisper in my deepest being.
"I'm not even trying." my surface level responds.
"What if I can't?", my soul and heart cry in unison.
Mar 2017 · 202
Your skin and I
Claire Ellen Mar 2017
Everytim I think of touching your skin,
My body lets out a little peep.
Its nothing more than a sound of wanting
a touch not finding.
Your very skin keeps me lying awake at night...
just thinking.
But whats different is I'm not tossing and turning from stress,
I'm cool and good with our crazy future.
Who knows what will happen and when
I want to explore the unpredicted wild of life with you
and the touch of your skin.
Mar 2017 · 188
Claire Ellen Mar 2017
A year of "to-do" lists,
writing themselves out in my mind.
"I'm not crazy," I repeat to myself,
"Just prepared."
But I wasn't prepared to break up,
I want prepared to go on a life changing mission.
Not ready to meet the love of my life.
My to-do list didn't say, "Don't get accepted to school"
To-do list help day to day life,
They don't improve 20/20 future vision.
Jan 2017 · 207
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
You, I've dreamed of you
but your more than man of my dreams,
your truth.
I've thought of you before,
because I've thought of who my husband might be.
You make me forget:
   The pain of my life,
   The pain I've caused.
    The past I'm leaving behind.
Completely free to be with you
   AND find myself??
That's how I've always wanted to imagine,
Jan 2017 · 302
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
There is something so primal about our naked skin,
touching, rubbing, skimming, soaking, together.
You are wonderful to behold and intimate to the touch.
Our bodies awaken, in an unspoken deep way,
and soon become one.
Never will I stop believing that you will fight for me,
and never will I stop believing you'll make it to me.
You're my Tarzan, your my hunter and you're 100% all man.
As if I were Jane:
You long for adventure,
as I do.
Instead of adventure "out there" we
    explore each others bodies as wildernesses of their own;
    follow instinct to each others hearts,
    and chase at the outdoors with our souls touching-
yet searching for more in each other.
I will always be brave and driven;
    No damsel in distress.
But a damsel wanting to be seen and sought...
Fight for me?
While I fight right next to you, for you.
You are mind and earths to hunt.
Chasing, hunting, fighting, for, with and toward one another,
is the feeling that lets me know you're meant for me.
Jan 2017 · 200
The Love.
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
You chose me
You saw and pursued me.
you wanted and held on and got me.
You didn't catch my eye with nice cars,
   nor showing off your muscles.
You didn't force me or pressure me.
You simply gained my trust.
You swooped down and showed me my truest self.
You accepted and stood for me.
    Although, you didn't fight MY battles,
    But gave me strength and courage.
Jan 2017 · 176
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
My eyes drop with the sleepiness the day has left me with.
My mind is as wake as the full bright moon.
Running and turning and reviewing empty thoughts.
I'm not stressed, nor confused, nor anxious,
I'm just simply awake.
Please, little eyes, close.
Busy brain, please, rest.
Beating heart, slow, please.
All I want is to just let go.
Jan 2017 · 177
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
My memory is coming back
the muscles are weary but still strong and memorized.
Nothing has changed really...
Accept, everything.
I love with happiness and trust.
I want  with longing and fulfillment.
I see with clarity and depth.
Writing poetry from my inner-self
     with no fear of what may come out,
those are the weary but strong muscles,
and you are the loved wanted and seen thing,
myself won't stop thing about.
Jan 2017 · 244
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
It is a strange thing when
I feel I want to be your biggest strength.
I'd love to be the smile on your face
and the warm glow on your skin
because I also want to be your greatest weakness.
I want to bring you to your knee,
I'd love to be the thing that distracts you at work
and most of all I'd want nothing less than to be yours.
Jan 2017 · 228
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
The LORD made many things
they all make me stand in awe.
His creation created a mystery,
of who my future would be.
He gave me strength to make it through the struggles.
He gave you guidance to find me.
The LORD created the seasons, to give time for love.
Only GOD can paint the aspens yellow,
and only HE can think up the color in your eyes.
Jan 2017 · 257
Claire Ellen Jan 2017
Absolute completeness with you.
I find myself questioning how you found me...
My heart buried deep in shame and sorrow,
you pulled me up and bruised me off.
You said, "you don't have to think like that".
Calloused soft hands yearned me towards you.
You said, "I know that I love you".
A large bound towards my now known future.
Full satisfaction with you.
Your heart moves mine,
dancing across a spotlight stage,
no bumps or trips, to tricks or hidden secretes.
Everytime I lay down with you
my heart sinks into trust and is covered in your love.
You said, "You're all I need".
My thoughts continually turn to rich, wet, dark memories.
Your whole being lures me into a love that you make with me.
Body on body, heart on heart,
our own rhythm creates new ripples in this love lake.
You support, emphasize, stir up, undo, strip down, weaken, strengthen, cherish, all of me.
You accept the good, bad and ugly.
I will never understand how vast your love is,
but I will spend the rest of my time
finding you.
Oct 2016 · 243
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
My world was crumbling
until I stood and stood against the pain.
At first just peering through the curtain of my next chapter
I was scared and I didn't know... but I also did.
I found my way and step at a time, I came to you.
You lead me through
saved me from so many lonely nights.
You chose me and thats the biggest gain.
Country Boy falls for Hippie
    the title to our love is perfect.
I once thought I could be happy again
but I never imagined "love".
I once dreamed of a knight in armor,
but I never imagined southern drawl.
I once thought "he" would protect me,
but I never imagined a Military Man.
I'm damaged but repaired.
Your damaged and trying.
I was hurt but you helped mend.
You were hurt; let me mend.
Us women are not all what you think.
One step at a time we'll work towards the future we want.
Oct 2016 · 198
The 1st Step.
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
I was running,
I wated the wings of the wind to come on me.
But, not to lift me,
  Instead give the push I needed to break.
Not to break in or to break out,
just to break into my inner emotional being
And... I did. And I was there.
So were my disconnected thoughts
   and inner hidden beings.
When I looked at "them" it was different.
They were all happy.
Not deep and buried.
Slowly, it got easier and easier to break to them.
They, the inner beings, rose
to my skins surface.
They they broke. Broke every pore,
   and seaped and oued, to ever sad part of my life.
Oct 2016 · 159
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
There's a big hole, it goes right through my soul,
It shines a light right onto yours,
Some day I'll find you, right now I'll pray for you.
Dear future, Please treat me right,
   don't play tricks.
   don't fight unless its with a passion and reason.
   don't do the round about way.
I hope someday soon,
I'll see you and know
and you'll know too.
Oct 2016 · 158
Now Rather than Later.
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
"When you know, you know"
     But I didn't know.
I did know that the way the past treated me wasn't right.
And I knew that those boys would never be men.
And, I knew I wanted more.
But now, I know.
I know your everything I need
     and more than I expected.
I know that your a gift from heaven.
I know I love you.
I could never want more,
    because you and yourself
     is just enough.
Oct 2016 · 188
Late Truths.
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
On this overshadowed roof top, I'm untouchable.
In this fortress darling, I'm Princessed.
Covered by this treetop canopy, I'm levitated.
A truth unerased, Ill never be shamed of our love.
The sky above, the sea below both know,
   the smile you give me, can't be bought.
The country kick can't be beat.
Oct 2016 · 169
Yellow Room Thoughts.
Claire Ellen Oct 2016
You're my favorite favorite thing,
treated like a lady.
You're my best friend.
Past the stars, I'm back in your arms,
hold tight, I didn't think you'd jump.
Jump with me, deeper in this
This thing, surpasses bf and gf
it goes beyond forever,
it lights me up and spins me round,
it swings high and low.
You and me we make round about days --> full.
Fill me, pour me, in your morning coffee,
I'll be your daybreak sunbeam,
bring me along, follow me there,
as long as its your hand in mine,
its captivating.
Aug 2016 · 233
Futch Rd.
Claire Ellen Aug 2016
Dear Southern boy,
Please excuse my past behavior.
Please accept my western ways.
Dear southern boy,
You love me right,
move my body in deep slow ways.
You hold my face in your hands
gentle and big.
Dear Southern boy,
just one look at your fingers gives me chills
it sends a tickle down my spine
every time you skim your lips over mine.
You guid me through back countries,
and take me for a ride.
Dear Southern boy,
the way you treat me is so unreal.
your hands-off-love approach does me just right.
Dear Southern boy,
never forget.
Your, Colorado Hippie.
Aug 2016 · 290
Claire Ellen Aug 2016
I am a Chaco hiker
Country listener
Colorado native
who paints.
I am a careless experimenter
Reader of books
Wyoming liver
who loves to love.
I am a sleepless lover
Wake up early riser
Coffee drinker
who breathes.
Jun 2016 · 303
Gone Country.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Kisses tasting like jerky,
summers feeling like country.
Music turned up, your hand on my leg,
I know I'm getting myself into a good time.
I can't tell if we are dancing or kissing
when you spin me round and round this fishing hole.
Straight from Georgia, Straight from Colorado,
we meet in this crazy Wyoming world.
You've saved me from so many reminiscent lonely nights.
I've gone country,
from my cowboy boots,
to my hard Cash roots.
Jun 2016 · 262
Casa de la Esperanza.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
One Sunday I was praying that I wasn't pregnant;
The next I was saying goodbye to orphan kids,
   praying to help me change.
Now, to guilty to pick up a Bible,
To guilty to pray a prayer,
I am asking that I am not pregnant again.
This world will toss and turn you,
it will hurt and bruise you.
I have learned the only refuge is God,
The only forgiveness that is pure is Jesus' blood,
and the only way to talk to them sometimes is through the holy spirit groans.
I loved who I was, I love who I have become.
But the guilt inside from the past few months...
its eating me alive.
I don't want to be worried about pregnancy from randoms;
Nor do I want to waste my time thinking of guys anymore;
I'm done with the outfit of a really fun girl,
its time to grow up,
its time to move on.
I know what I want in life, I just need to strive.
I know who I want in life, I just need to stop messing around.
When you travel to a place that changes your life,
it first changes your skin:
   You get tan and work hard, you learn what it is to want for food, and long for God.
It then changes your muscles:
     You grow a little tougher when the boy was taken from your arms and given back to his abusive father.
It sinks into your bones:
   You start to realize the life you are living is worth nothing if you don't start to change something.
Then it creeps, slowly to your heart:
    You feel guilty and half of you wants to change, but your brain is still stuck on the "fun" you are having.
Life is simple, love and be loved,
but honey, when you live the life I live,
Love takes on a new meaning, its tougher than what you'd think.
Its more complicated than the four letters that make it up.
But, its still here, waiting for me to open my ribs, and absorb it all.
Jun 2016 · 254
Military Man.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
What are you doing? What am I doing?
My mind on repeat, sometimes giddy with joy or full of disappointment.
"I'm sleeping with a southern",
or "I'm going out just for one drink", I respond.
No excuses besides, "I just turned 21! Its fun!"
I often lie awake thinking of someone else
... He's far off in Montana.
He's forgotten about me.
My life style right now is not what I'm used too,
but everything I expected.
Slowly, I take hold of the realization that,
I don't miss my last love, because I've missed being me.
I'm gripping toward an old self I lost with him.
and quickly I find, my youth, my full spirit,
and mostly my inner wild.
Adventure is out there, go! Seize it!
My heart pounds loudly, so loudly
I can't tell if I've skipped some beats or not.
My content-ness and comfortability is long gone,
but my wonder is in full restore.
Jun 2016 · 230
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Look down on my dangerously, Orions Belt.
My heart is roaming wild and free.
My body is wanting late and wet.
Life starts to spin wildly out of control
I realize how steady you kept me,
   how cool and collected.
I miss your scent, I miss you holding me when my legs were weak.
But I've missed this rebel inside of me.
This careless, cool, collected mess.
And so, I turn up the music,
   so my thoughts are quieted, but one.
I wake up early to open my eyes and still my body.
I run, I run and I run to pound the pavement
and to lose all the sadness of not missing you.
Because I finally realize, I am missing someone,
and its not you, Riley.
I miss him. I miss his hands of home.
But I think he's gone from me, I think its to late.
The lonely whispers, "Yes, its to late."
  as the wind blows through.
But, the sun shines, "Yes! Tell him!" as it causes my skin to glow.
Jun 2016 · 215
I Missed Me.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Chopping my hair gave me the wild back,
coming to Casa gave me the passion back,
sleeping with a southern man gave me the want back,
spoon feeding an orphan gave me the love back,
talking to Brad about everything gave me lightness,
living alone gave me my courage back,
and leaving you, I'll never be looking back.
Jun 2016 · 635
To: Ronnie Zimmerman.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Be careful who you tell empty promises too.
I'm afraid I've heard one to many from you
and from him and from him before that.
These lost words of living up to your word
day by day.
Hit me up if you'd like, but don't tell me you will
when you know you won't.
I'd love to love you, I'd love to hold your hand.
Thats a promise I'd love to keep,
   if you'd ever let me.
I just wanted a friend. I just wanted to spend some time with you.
So, Mr. Starbux-Colorado-Patagonia man,
I'd love to live up to my promises
if you'd ever live up to yours.
Jun 2016 · 216
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Night out on the town,
turns into night out of my clothes,
and into a strange foreign place in my mind.
Its damp, dark and lonely here;
  ****, warm and snuggly too.
But, here, most importantly, its empty
and ready to be used
by whoever "you" might be.
Jun 2016 · 232
Riled Up.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Running, running away.
Away from the unwanted of self and by others,
away from the tired holding me back,
away from the pain of yesterday.
I won't have you ruin another day for me,
you've ruined my confidence,
you taken my beauty,
you've destroyed enough days.
I'm not jealous of the morning that wake you.
I'm not upset if your happy with out me.
And I don't care what you are doing today
   or how many times you've seen the number 22.
I hope you have passion,
I hope you do good,
but don't come sulking back in my mind,
brining this blow-y, snowy evening down.
Jun 2016 · 294
My Man.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Must be a leader, a go getter, a finisher,
must have wifi...
Enjoy coffee and tea
   more or as much as me!
The outdoors, adventure and explorative nature
    are mandatory.
Never curses or calls me names.
Must be fatherly material, with a wild side of child.
Must love God and Jesus.
Also have 3 passions besides me.
My future man shall support me and his dreams.
I'm really not asking for much, the "musts"
are top of the list!
The last wasn't all bad,
this list was created from his mistakes.
Jun 2016 · 219
Old Notes.
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
To caffeinated to sleep,
to stressed to eat
to worried to work
and to sad to smile.
My life flipped upside down.
I'm getting used to this turned sideways view.
And for now... it'll have to do.
But once I'm passed and over you
I will regain my joy
and find a way to smile again.
Jun 2016 · 168
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
After much deliberation
after lost of prayers and tears
after losing myself completely...
I'm finally who I am...
I'm finally who I'm meant to be.
Thanks to you, I'm free.
I'm sure your happy and doing well.
I want you to know, I am too.
The stress has left
I'm cool and relaxed.
Jun 2016 · 252
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Single... a breath after 3 years.
My whole being says, "Come on old ****, lets have fun!"
but my control says, "No! lets rest..."
No one to impress, no one to text.
No one to worry over, no one to pick a fight with.
No one to watch my every move,
No one control.
I'm single and my wings are streatching.
It hurts and I'm scared to fly again.
Surely its like riding a bike?
I remember the feeling of having pure fun
No joy to hide.
Just me, myself and I.
even in the dark of night
I have an inner fire that rages.
Even at the break of day
I have a subtle but lifting smile.
My spirit is high and ready for take off.
My body is urging every cell forward.
And my mind, steady yet lit.
Yearning to learn, laugh, and adventure.
My new single life begins, here.
Jun 2016 · 574
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Teddy bear your my ride or die
you've seen me laugh, hear my cry
you've been squeezed and thrown
      loved and forgotten.
How could something so inaminent bring joy an life?
When I was small I picked you up
the snowflake on your sweater was just enough.
Holding my hand, going on road trips,
you've been everywhere with me.
You are my ride or die.
Jun 2016 · 418
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
Words like backpack, espresso, and morning
they make me want to thrive.
Ideas of the pas, the now and the future
they make me want to run and let go.
Bed, sleep, snuggle
I want to fall in love again.
Adventure, summer, single
make me warm and wanting inside.
My whole being has missed this freeing feeling,
No current control, no connections to have,
Now, finally, its I and my sweet lost soul.
Jun 2016 · 218
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
I will wait patiently.
No mistakes this time.
All of our surroundings want us together,
and my heart leaps towards you, always.
"Jealous of your won hands intertwined"
What a lovely hard thought.
My joy never ceases around you, but only grows.
Thats what I want,
   Your unconditional, faithful, love.
You and I together, it just seems right.
I won't stop chasing you, I won't stop seeking.
My love down grow weary,
I will find my way to you, once again,
more permanent this time.
Jun 2016 · 188
Claire Ellen Jun 2016
I'm running wild! and it feels so good.
Freedom at las, from my once controlling past.
My religion is growing, my smiles are too,
I've forgotten about one and moved on to two...
I know he thinks of me often,
but there is another more frontal on his mind.
Its okay, I'll be here running wild.
My whole body feels lighter
my hair bounces naturally with each step
Step by step i'm walking out on you,
Part of me feels sorry, but part of me feels...
My legs have been like strong roots
     holding me down through the weather by you.
My arms have been accepting
     no matter the weather there was a place for you.
My body a masterpiece
     continuously speculated, grabbed, and used by you.
What a wonderful relationship you must have had!
My perspective was so different.
The fun times usually caused stress because I had said something wrong,
       or wore something to short.
Not this time. Not next time. Not ever again!
This jewel will not be chained down any longer.
I am happier and less stressed with you gone.
That may be harsh, but darling its true.
So with out further ado,
Good bye.
Mar 2016 · 632
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
Decision, decisions, decisions,
their running me weary,
my legs say "stop" and my heart beats "no",
my brain is detecting fear.
When did my future and I become so low?
Harmony and peace and happiness are so far from me,
Out of reach, my hands grasps but no climbing is made.
I keep thinking, at the top I'll see!
but branch by branch my view fades.
Climbing but coming to no end
running but no gain.
My whole world is spinning and blending.
All that is coming out is pain.
Its time to change, to grasp my happiness again.
Its time to start myself on the path of amends
This time all I need is God at my aid.
I will keep climbing, no matter my tire, I want to see
what this mass world has for me, to help me grow.
Everyone near me, be on your toes.
For soon I will be transformed to my most pure self,
happiness again.
Mar 2016 · 330
Claire Bare.
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
As I lay open, wanting and flushed
my skin crawls with hot heavy feelings
I am open and wet and ready
   My mind is open and imaginative
I am wanting to fulfill this drive inside
  My body curling at every wanted touch
I am flushed writing rawly
My body and cheeks flush at deep thoughts
Feeling this way feels good
and I know it can feel better...
but I decide to leave that life long ago
Every now and again though, it calls me
and I fall to my own deep dark desires.
Wet and sensitive I feel the known path through the dark.
Mar 2016 · 282
Own it.
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
You's ma boo, you are my love,
My bae, my babe, my baby,
You are my sweet sweet honey,
You're my rock, You are my number one hugger,
You're my giver too, and my supporter of,
You are whatever you want to call yourself,
Above all, your mine.
Mar 2016 · 632
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
I am light.
I am bright.
My purpose is to be happy.
I am more than a conqueror.
I have more than beauty in me
My destiny is life after death.
I have dreams that will play out
I have fears that will fade out.
My love is spread to others around me
I am encouraged by others.
I am loved by many
I am already the greatest news.
My hope is in a secure belief.
I hold a future and a straight path.
I hold a more admirable trait than all.
I won't be proud in my own doings.
I won't distribute fake love.
My teachings come from holy words.
I will not fall, for He is in me.  
I will create options when others fail.
I will not be brought down by a down world.
I will not step aside for darkness.
My worth is more than words.
My wisdom grows each day.
I am in the making.
Mar 2016 · 304
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
The air is gone
The motivation is gone
The courage is gone
The want is gone
The happiness is gone
I've been stripped of everything valuble
even the tears are gone.
And I can't go on..
I'm not good enough
  Smart enough
  Or wanted enough.
I can't create or learn.
I have no beauty or power.
I have no skills.
My body is just a body that no longer has air.
I can't hold a steady happy relationship
I dont do well in school,
I have no artist in me trying to paint her way out.
I'm alone in a world I built,
and the world I'm building, it doesn't even fit.
Take my items, take my love, take my all,
but you'll wind up with nothing.
Because I don't have anything.
Mar 2016 · 238
30 Hours.
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
30 hours ago I saw you.
30 hours ago all you could say was negative
30 hours ago I cared more, I believed more
but more than what you think can change in 30 hours.
You had your chance, your chance to try...
Not even commit, but try.
All you've shown me is your lack of commitment
and your lack of strength.
I guess this is goodbye.
I guess you chose money and yourself and comfort over me.
I guess I choose a full life and God over you.
I know you won't tell your family, why.
You won't say, because she loves God and I don't.
I don't want to lose Jerrik and Reid
   Or Lisa. Or Paisley. Or Rhalna. Or Branson.
But this is the path God chooses for me I'll follow.
Riley, I'm sorry.
  I'm sorry I wasted your time.
  I'm sorry I tried to change you.
  I'm sorry. I won't happen again.
Mar 2016 · 236
Chapter 2.
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
When the walls move closer with every breath,
when the stress makes your hear ache and pop
when everything is not working or fitting
find a hand to hold.
Hold on and enjoy the struggle upon you.
A new chapter in this year
I will not start off on a bad cold foot.
Conquering is something I've never done before
and it's time for a change.
No defeats only advances.
My future, my plans, my hands.
Snow keep blowing,
  Nights keep falling,
    But daybreaks don't stop showing.
Every morning, a chance to advance more.
The advantage of happiness, finally obtained,
and my dear I'm not letting go.
Mar 2016 · 220
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
You're everywhere I go
You're in every thought I think
every action I complete.
Everything in my immediate surrounding world speaks your name.
Hello in the morning, goodbye at night
though I'm to hurt by my own self
to dare express how I feel of you.
No words can tell the ways I regret
No drawing can reach the depth of your eyes-
   in that very moment in which I knew:
      I knew I'd lost you for good.
Now look at me; I'm practically crawling on my knees,
Wanting to chase, when I knew you've had it.
Yes I know you're done with me now.
If you don't want me back
then please,
leave my thoughts alone.
Mar 2016 · 172
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
Dear boy whom I fell in love with in my childhood
I still love yo. I always have and always will.
If you wanted me I'd be with you
I hope you go so far in architecture.
Dear young musician whom I loved for many years,
I've never met you, but one day I will.
I think of you often, and you hold the key to my liberal side
I now cry when I hear a violin play.
Dear anti-manly-man who stole my virginity,
Your not worth the next few lines
Dear man who ran with my heart,
I love you in so many deep and mysterious ways,
keep chasing me, I'll be here waiting for you,
No matter how long it takes.
Don't worry about these past loves
They hold my past, but you hold something far more precious...
my future.
Mar 2016 · 239
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
I feel so distant from who I was.
Distant from my first love, first kiss, first time
I was so gullible and weak then.
Now I'm embarrassing women hood
I'm accepting life as it comes
Facing fears in an all conquering type of way.
I've become gentler, and more competitive.
Thanks to one man and 1 billion new experiences.
Mar 2016 · 351
Last Night.
Claire Ellen Mar 2016
I'm nothing. I will forever be nothing.
How could He?
Why would He send me here to feel doubt and lack of self worth?
I have no purpose, I have no emotion.
Just raw me.
Just skin, salt-water and tears.
Just a stumpy body with no brain
trying to prove something to someone who's not even paying attention.
Self worth out the window- starting from scratch.
How would I like my life to go?
That idea- its far away out of reach
where I cannot grasp it.
I'm not tall enough or smart enough
I'm not good enough;
I'll never reach the moon or fall among the stars,
I'm just falling constantly falling and failing
everyone around me...
Everyone knows I'm not good enough,
but they don't want to say it.
I've disappointed, let down, and lost loves
Don't pay attention to this small breeze blowing by
I am but a mist.
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