He keeps showing up in my head
Like a ghost haunting me
How did we get here?
All I know is that I cannot form it into the treasure it was before
I need to eat it without any fear
Leaving no crumbs behind
Why are the memories showing up now?
I think this year was waiting for this moment to bite me
And break me
Until I showed enough fear
So it would be finally satisfied
Tonight was the first time my tears dropped because of it in a long time
What more can I give?
Yes, I breathe for him but why does it mean so much to you?
Our friendship was less than I wanted it to be
I know that
What else are you trying to teach me?
That love is worthless or are you just enjoying this so that you can watch me drown in my own sadness?
Like I'm your puppet
Or your animal that you put in your own circus
I'll stare fear in the eye if I have to
I'm not going insane for you
I can have life without you
I don't need this twisted tongue tied madness in my head going off like my morning alarm clock
Life went on
So did I
I don't need you screaming in my thin ears everyday or for you to care
I want you to leave and never come back
Because guess what?
I woke up from this beautiful dysfunction dream
After all the pain I went through
And all the hope I tried to convince myself to have
I finally feel lifted

The familiar wrenching in my gut when you speak of love
The acidic burns and aches I keep bottled up
Become a flashflood
Rushing through my veins, poisioned lines constricting and forcing my extremities to spasm
You cast your words fruitlessly into the chasm
The indescribable void that lies before us
My hands scraped and bloodied from tearing down the nails that keep your heart boarded up
I can never break through the barrier you have erected
I leave myself vulnerable to your outlashes, you remain overly protected
Sheltered from the reality that is the extension of my love through every action
Every emotion you stockpile and ration
Maintaining a craving in the depths of my essence
For your ill fated presence
You bask in the symphonies that expel from my eyes gazing
Hear the strings and percussions playing
Without every fully repaying
Any emotional debt you may have accumulated over time
Fingers dancing along every line
I have written vast and true as the moon above
Yet I feel the familiar wrenching in my gut when you speak of love...

Sleep eludes me in the presence of these sheets
No matter how I force myself to forget your scent, they keep reminding me
As the table reminisces of the conversations that accompanied our every meal
The brass door knobs always tell me how they miss the way your soft hands would feel
As your eager fingers twisted them quick upon your arrival home
The wooden floors creak and moan
Forever mentioning the lightness of your step
The pillows talk about the warmth of your breath
Even the switches speak of how you would turn out the lights
Before you tucked into those very sheets and kissed me goodnight
Laying still, alone in an empty room
I gave everything away because it would remind me of you...

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout

Soaring high.
The reds,
the blues,
nothing could ever be more different than those two colors right now.
It's beautiful and so are you,
my lovely friend.

Down came the rain and washed the spider out

Feeling low.
The headaches,
and the sleepless nights,
nothing can ever bring me back to where I was before.
My horse has a name and he is loyal,
he is my friend.

Out came the sun and dried up all the rain

Thirsty.
The sun,
combined with the noise burns me,
how long was I asleep for?
My enemy will put up a fierce fight,
but not for long.
I can fight this.

The itsy bitsy spider climber up the spout again*

The chain is addiction
and the links are euphoria.
One end is a bent steel pole.
Me.
On the other is a needle.
My lovely horse.

Why hello there, Young Miss,
You look lovely today!
How about a small kiss?
And a walk by the bay?

Where the waves touch our toes,
Under the cold sand,
As a warm breeze blows,
I will reach for your hand.

I'll adore your cute smile,
And hold you quite tight,
For as long as a mile,
Or until it is night.

It's up to you, Beauty.
I swear I don't bite!
Answer me, cutie.
Are you sure you're alright?