If I am still what I eat
then today I want to
have hot air balloons
for breakfast and silly
string for lunch, star-
shaped tissue paper
and the center of
Ryan's heart. I only
want to be something
that is worthwhile.

Sometimes I keep my eyes open when we kiss
and you say it’s odd

I'm just trying to memorize the way the back of your eyelids look
until I can see deep shades of pink and blue in my sleep

A week ago you ate in front of me for the first time
And just yesterday you showed me the open hole in your stomach

It was only a picture of course
I have yet to see you fully unclothed and that is okay

I told the sadness I loved it again tonight
but it didn’t say it back this time

We.
In a table together
choked with warm colors
of our skin.
Suspended by the music
my breaths
and your prayers.
Hostages of our desires.
Trapped by life.

I will never stop
searching for you
in other people
and I swear you
are in every quiet
song, in each stitch
of my favorite
sweater, in the rain
puddle outside my
front door, and I
hear your laughter
rolling above in the
thunder. I will
always love you.

i never have liked uppercase i's
i know it's absolutely stupid
but they always make me feel more important than others
like i'm always saying I, I, I.

see even that was weird
way too many eyes
so i spend half my days, proofreading my lines
to make sure that i'm exactly the same size
as everyone else

when i first met you it absolutely blew me away
to find someone else who lowers their eyes
i'm serious, it's amazing to find someone who wastes as much time as yourself
hitting backspace, and
cursing auto-correct for not allowing this behavior

but after a while i noticed you stopped with the i's
maybe it was around the time **** got weird
maybe it was a fad; or i have some absurd superstition
but it's cool
You always were the bigger person, anyway.

Her name is Leigh
And she sleeps inside of me
I've made up lies to tell her
To get her to fall back asleep
She has a tendency to wake up
In the middle of the night
Screaming for me to join her
She's always been afraid
Of monsters under her bed.
I've learned sick lullabies to sing
Her back into hibernation
And now they are telling me
I can't sing anymore
They are trying to rip
Out my vocal chords
And Leigh just sits there
Crying her eyes out
Because she's afraid of the dark
And my skin keeps her away
From the sun
So maybe instead of singing
I will rip open my skin
Like they want to rip out my vocal chords
So she can see the light.

The piercing sound of her cry
Is what keeps me up at night
And I'm tired of losing sleep
So maybe I will try and stop singing
To her those sick little songs
But she has to stop crying
She won't stop.

I can't get her to stop.

Please make her to stop.

I've run out of sleeping pills
And there aren't enough lights
Turned on in my bedroom
To get her to stop screaming.
She's always been afraid of the dark.

She won't stop crying.

I think she has learned that
The darkness she is afraid of
Comes from inside of me.
And the darkness that blooms inside me

Is there because I can't get any sleep.

"I figured it out long ago
The dark is nothing to be afraid of
I want you to join me
So no more sleeping and
No more singing
Just rip open your skin again
Because I want the darkness out
I want you to see what I see
It's not scary.
It's glorious.
I don't want to stop crying."
*-Sincerely, Leigh