if I ever chose to die
I would never explain why

instead of let my friends
my mother
blame themselves
the world
each other

I would leave no trace
no note
an accident
that's all she wrote

I feel that I can tell you this
because I have chosen
to live

it is not a poem
the way you make me feel

it is something stranger
much more sinister
more real

written far beneath the mind
far too deep to be heard

in a dark and secret place
where there are no words

  primal  
feral            
powerful              
passion stripped of prose

we are naked animals
underneath our clothes

no meter or pentameter
no semblance of control

not a poem

but obscene graffiti
scrawled across my soul

nothing means nothing
it never has been
and some people say
there is no such thing

nothing means nothing
for there are no words
to spell out a sound
that no one has heard

nothing means nothing
the threads are so thin
a hurricane spins
on a butterfly's wing

like sparrows that fall
we all are so small
but nothing means nothing
nothing at all

Who are we now?

Still as we once were
Older and wiser
Are we the same?

Who are we now?

Are we together
Was it forever
Or just a game?

Who are we now?

Born of the ashes
Sing in the darkness
Dance in the flames

Who are we now?

Echoes of laughter
Hope you remember
More than my name

most of the things
that I have heard
are made of nothing more than words
and then with you
the trouble is
there are not any words for this

Are there still days if there are no more stars?
Eternal night unbroken by the dawn
The darkness was here long before the light
And will be long after the light is gone

this is not worthy of my shame
it's not worth crying for

love is not a numbers game

I won't play
anymore

one day I will bloom
like the Moon

Bright goddess
O! We reach out and touch you
With our ****** hands

deep within the mindless unknown
wilderness of dark and cold
        brave                      oasis      
bright warm place
of tenderness
of hope

I think there is something missing
in my head
the way I think
and it makes it hard to obey
even those who wield much power

I think I'm still much the same way
although I have learned to cope
I find ways into submission
lead myself through
proper channels

as a small child I thought this was
why no one could ever love me
and instead of learn to obey
I learned to lose hope

now that I am older
and I have seen the true face of power
I have learned
obedience
is the world's cruelest joke

if I am objective
I have dodged a bullet

and somebody else
can be chained to a liar

if I am objective
this was a step forward

but it was a step
into torture and fire

if I were objective
then I could look further

and see possibilities
come into view

you objectified me
and if I'd been objective

I would have objected
and said no to you

sometimes it is
almost obscene
how clearly I
say what I mean

sometimes my words
are so oblique
I might as well
not even speak

and when I give
the truth away
then that is all
I have to say

but where my mind
seems undefined
there's truth in why
I blur the lines

I dream about
the future
but I'm
only a wave
in an ocean of time

we do not know
the sky but
we are
one island in
an ocean of stars

Made us real
Warm
Alive
Mother Ocean
Father Sky

Write our letters
In the sand
Hold the ocean
In our hand

World our home
Turn and turn
On we grow
On we learn

We return
By and by
To the Ocean
To the Sky

I did OK
just OK

that was good enough today

a raindrop falls
a flower blooms

and soon

a forest on the Moon

today we know
only one home

one in forever
once in the blue

no one in the airport chapel
which god?
no one there to ask
reading
and eating an apple
all alone without a mask

not quite the intended purpose
not on the surface at least
while I found no One to worship
still
I found myself at peace

I used to believe

one day

I will meet my soulmate
and we will love each other
just the way we are

one day

I don't believe that anymore

but it's okay

When I was young my belief was strong
But one day I thought I had been told wrong
And I decided I had been deceived
That was the day I no longer believed

And for a while I tried to look
I found lots of gods in holy books
It seemed these gods were all the same
One light
Many shadows
Many names

And though I studied, though I tried
I found that I could not decide
I thought these books must all be wrong
So I did not believe in God

But I kept looking year by year
I even prayed
God, are you here?
If you give me a sign I'll see
Tell me your name
And I'll believe

Until one day I had a thought
What if it's not that kind of god?
What if it rules but not by fear?
What if it moves but does not hear?

I don't believe God thinks like us
But something has created us
Unbreakable, we call it law
So powerful: can this be God?

It does not know the ones it rules
It is not merciful or cruel
It is not good, nor is it bad
It does not smile, does not get mad

It made the Moon, it made the stars
It made us just the way we are
It made the tree, it made the dove
It is below, it is above

And though perhaps mistakes were made
I don’t believe I was deceived
I find I have always obeyed
I find I have always believed

And I have questions all the same
How many gods, how many names?
Shadows enough to fill the night
Ten thousand shadows and
One Light

every time you turn away from me
into my waiting hands falls one more stone

I carry them no matter where I go
now I have almost more than I can hold

and when one day it is too much to bear
I throw every last stone down in the sand

but when you give a sign to show you care
I walk right back to you

with empty hands

I know you do not like it
when your friends become assertive

And start to set more boundaries
and to say what we mean

You really didn't like it
when the pawn became the knight

Best turn your head away
before I turn into a queen

one step
toward the middle
and you will see

how your side
treats people
who disagree

how strange
to see
that we are them

a lot of change
for just
one step

There is an ocean deep and dark and vast
Upon our sunny island grows one tree
As each new branch emerges from the last
The song of life becomes a symphony

We gaze out longingly across the deep
But there is only so far we can go
What secrets might that dark horizon keep
Our island is the only home we know

We look out on the waves along the shore
Our messengers sail out into the sea
And although we have found islands galore
We still have yet to find another tree

We wonder as we sing into the dark
If we will find an answering chorus
And if beyond the sea when we embark
We will find not one tree but a forest

sometimes I spend too much time
online
it feels so strange
to go outside
and be myself
in front of everyone else
it's hard to forget
that the world has eyes

online I can be anyone
but outside I am one person
exactly one
no avatar and no veneer
not everywhere or nowhere
exactly here

and when I am here
really here
I feel my feelings
hope and fear
love and desire
when I am not numbed by a screen
I am on fire

sometimes it is
too much to feel
too visceral
too bright
too real

and so I spend my time online
afraid to be a human
afraid to be alive

It's scary
I already have my doubts
that I could ever really be enough

I am afraid of losing what I am
of never again being what I was

afraid to face you without this armor
I freeze within my fear like a coward

how can I come to you as only me
what would I be to you without my power

They say only the good die young
but I think we have got it switched
the longer you live
the more sins you commit
I think we should learn to forgive

I don't know why
till I look at the sky
I cry and I cry and I cry
only the Moon
only the Moon
drawing my pain like a tide

only the time
only the time
and in time I will forget
until I see
the same Moon again
shining one sign to the left

we are always
falling             toward
the                               Sun
but               ☉                we
  never                            get
   any                   closer
to the light

within  
chaos  *so    
logical   +   neat    
ordered    &    regular    
obsessive    -    compulsive  
knock   5             times
2795 0 2884 19 716
0%       chaos
within

there are trillions of suns
and diamonds are just carbon
ordinary things can shine so bright
and so can ordinary people

everybody has an other
every other one
everyone pretends to wonder
what their other's done

every other does the things
that you would never do
when you are not yourself at all
the other one
is you

every other day I wonder
which way I should go
but when I become the other
I already know

all the million little things
that we would never do
not knowing that
the other me
has seen
the other you

I wonder at this underworld
the demons and the ******
how long before I wake up
and remember who I am

but as I think of all I've done
the darkness in between
I wonder if this other one
is who I've always been

I used to look at others
wishing that I could
be more like them

not knowing that
inside their minds
they also stood apart

I used to ask the others
for permission
to accept myself

not knowing that
I was the rightful ruler
of my heart

Other star
Bathes me in her eerie light
Casting strange shadows

there  ✧  is  ✧  a  ✧  star
will sleep until             it is destroyed
what we are                          and spills out life
       where our essence                                    into the void       
      become a part of the sky                   and what wise hand      
      you and I                                                             may­ fabricate      
moons and planets                                           the many things  
melting out into the night                                     that it creates  
      incandescent searing light                          moons and planets        
till the Sun begins to turn                                stone and metal  
burn whatever they can burn                           running water  
until only monsters remain                            flower petals  
     and up the chain                                       moving round      
  on and on                                   by their own power    
      to eat the bees                                    little bees          
       little birds                 to eat the flowers        
singing sweetly in the trees

we do not love war
for war does not love

we bear our own life
we share our own blood

our power runs deep
deeper than your sword

silence is our violence
we do not need yours

made of stars
all I am and all we are
and all else unknown

I zoom out
I abstract the self outward
and I am alone

I reach out
fill out into emptiness
infinite abyss

deep within
part of me is wondering
is there more than this?

Cassiopeia seems to melt
from the sky
to the ink black sea

radiant luminescent beams
a fiery crown for a dark Queen

but that pale fire is strange and green
and nothing like what I have seen

all the way from the horizon
to above my airplane window
this unearthly apparition
shows the shape of one dark wing

glowing
hovering and growing
moving like a living thing

in my mind and to my eye

alien
aware
alive

a strange and bright and haunting sight
a hundred miles
above the sea

The brilliant Sun above our heads
It lights you up in green and red
Flow with the water, with the air
You are so precious but not rare
In our hearts, in our skies,
In our oceans, in our eyes,
You are the one for which we yearn
But O! How bright your halo burns.

silver Moon
swimming in the dark river
sparkling in the rain

Looking up at the same stars
Some are near and some are far
One green star in their constellations
Beyond their wildest imaginations

Whole worlds spiral in its wake
Following the path it takes
Through the coldest darkest places
Trails a frail pale blue oasis

Here is water, here is air
Do they know what else is there?
Here is lightning, here is thunder
How I wonder how they wonder

Imaging us with precision
Watching us on television
All these living moving beings
Do they know what they are seeing?

Crows and cranes and lions and lizards
Bulls and bears and wolves and wizards
Phoenixes, foxes, and pharaohs
Swans and eagles, harps and arrows

Soaring, singing in the night
Bright blue bird of paradise
Ever under one green star
Do they wonder what we are?