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Ciel Noir Jan 2019
Somewhere beneath the smooth façade
Lies someone rough and raw and flawed
She makes me want to **** and fight
She scratches at me in the night

Tense and lethal as a crossbow
As she crosses o'er my shadow
In the dark she wakes and laughs
I have become the shadow half
Ciel Noir Aug 2018
.             . ☆ .   2  cascade                
             .            1 a glittering           . ☆ . 3 of galaxies    
             .          4 spilling                           . ☆  .     5  through
            .           6  immeasurable                               8 dark      
          ☆                                7 heaven   . ☆  .        9  hollows  
               ☆                                    ­                      10 and hidden
             ☆                                . ☆ . 11 sanctuaries  
                                          . ☆ .    7               x                  7                 . ☆ .
             7                           ­          x                  7                   . ☆ .
Ciel Noir Jul 2022
all the rage I could engage
has never made me strong

and all the shame at being strange
has not made me belong

all my fear of bombardiers
has not resolved their quarrels

and all the guilt that I have felt
has not made me more moral

what was the point of all that pain?
it didn't fix a thing

I can't take back the past
but now I can take back the reins

time to stop spiraling
self sabotaging
second guessing

after years of cruel punishment
I've finally learned my lesson
Ciel Noir Jul 2018
If you want to throw it all away
Why not wait for one more day?
One more night before you sleep
Lethe shall run just as deep
Down where that dark river flows
Where the wild nepenthes grow
Wait day by day for that surcease
And welcome it at last in peace
Ciel Noir Aug 2018
Let it alone
Let it through
This one isn't
Up to you

Let it alone
Let it be
It's alright to be at
Peace
Ciel Noir Feb 21
I know that you
don't understand
why I'm still mad
after all this time

so maybe I should tell the truth
so you don't have to
be confused

I know you went
behind my back
and lied
and tried to have me fired!

I felt so afraid
I felt so betrayed
and you never said sorry
so I never forgave you

and now you think you made it right
cause you found someone else to fight

you think it's water under the bridge
hell no
it's not over
it's the whole **** river

and you can deliver
those same old lines
about how everyone you bully
somehow started the problem

and you can try to be my friend

but I'll never trust you
ever again
Ciel Noir Feb 2023
I'm not so good
at letting go
and when I care
I let it show

it takes so much more
mental effort
just to say
"OK whatever"

than to plan and scheme and work
and dream of ways
to make you smile

I promise I'll let go of you
but it will take me
quite some while
Ciel Noir Jun 2019
I hope for
thousands of living planets
life is beautiful
Ciel Noir Jun 2018
Life has claws
Life has teeth
Life is a conqueror
Life is a thief

Life is blood
Life is joy
Life is wild
Nothing is free
Ciel Noir Mar 2019
Some people think life is
a game that you can play
a ladder you can climb

Some people think it is
a series of tests
an amusement park ride

Some people think it is
just a chemical reaction
they're probably right

I think that life is
a mostly true story
we all get to write
Ciel Noir Feb 2022
she cannot speak
except to growl
to howl
to moan
to shriek

her words
her world
are meat and bone
eyes and thighs and teeth

she races like a wolf
through her sleep
she chases dreams
schemes
pieces of memories
like sheep

I reach out
with my words

does she understand me?

I feel her snarl
across my teeth

life runs deep
and talk is cheap
Ciel Noir Jul 2018
If the Moon were always bright
On the side which faces Earth
It never would cast any light
On the rest of the Universe

But if the Moon should face the Sun
And shine its light back to the void
Then we would only see it when
Its shadow falls upon the world
Ciel Noir Jun 2018
Patterns in the sand
Patterns in the water
Stars in our eyes
Light of the father

One foot in the water
One foot in the sand
Light of the daughter
Stars in our hand
Ciel Noir Feb 2021
you bring fire
and you bring fear
love that turns my heart to steel

there is so much more out here
so much more
that I can feel

I still wander
the same streets
the same path
through the same night

but without you
this same sky
is suddenly

so full of light
Ciel Noir Nov 2018
The Moon and stars
They shine so bright
Deep in the night
I keep their light
How beautiful they seem to me
I wish that everyone could see
Ciel Noir May 2018
Some people look for thunderstorms
Some people for sunshine
No matter what you're looking for
Seek and ye shall find

Some people look for aliens
Some people look for God
And even through the deepest storm
Lightning finds its rod
Ciel Noir Mar 2019
All these lights
Shining different colors bright
Cast the same shadow
Ciel Noir Nov 2019
What if you could see the good
in yourself
like a friend would?

What if you could treat yourself
like you would treat someone else?
Ciel Noir Aug 2020
I am just like everybody
I will also fall

to find my way around that
I'd do anything at all

including telling this big lie
if only to myself

"I am different than the others"

just like everybody else
Ciel Noir May 2018
You are beautiful
Just the way you are

You do not need
To gild yourself

You are already
Infinitely
Valuable
Ciel Noir Sep 2018
Lily bright
Sparkle with exotic spice
Sweeten the twilight
Ciel Noir Nov 2021
the poems here are
really interesting
they come back to me later
like words from a song

whether a dramatic odyssey
or a page
ripped out of your diary

these silent lines really speak to me
out loud in my head
as I read along
Ciel Noir Jun 2019
we all think
we are somehow different
that's what unites us

everyone
needs to be reminded that
humans are humans

comparing
and drawing lines in the sand
to divide ourselves

time and tide
dissolve our dividing lines
redrawn somewhere else
Ciel Noir Apr 2019
Compared to other animals
I think that humans are quite strange
Whenever we look at the world
We think about what we can change

We live in snow and build houses
We shave our fur and wear fur coats
We feed our babies formula
And drink the milk of cows and goats

I wonder how our life would be
If there were someone else like us
Who could not live in harmony
And used their tools to alter us

I wonder what we would become
In the hands of the powerful
We who have turned to dogs and cats
The children of lions and wolves
Ciel Noir Aug 2020
love is not a thing
it is a living creature
fang and claw and wing
always listening
though it knows no words
it stirs deep in the night
to sing
Ciel Noir Jun 2019
little fish
who thinks that its shallow pond
covers the whole world
Ciel Noir Sep 2020
no one can unlock my heart
at least nobody else but me
it's been so long
I don't even remember
where I hid the key

the lock is there
because of fear
but I don't know of whom or what
it must be something
much more frightening
than these one thousand cuts
Ciel Noir Jul 2024
everything
was all my fault
I was a monster
from the start

I should have changed myself
maybe
I could have deserved
to exist

hate myself for what I was
for what I said
for what I did

I look back at myself
and say things
no one should
say to a kid
Ciel Noir Jun 2018
Life does not create the threads
It weaves them like a loom
Lightning strikes the fertile Earth
And causes her to bloom
One raindrop falls into the sea
Swells into a monsoon
We rise and ride upon the tide
Still howling at the Moon
Ciel Noir Nov 2018
I know how much you love the stars
How much you love the light
I know that you are always searching
Reaching for the sky

Safe in your arms I feel your hope
I feel your peace inside
You make me feel just like a bird
Like someone who can fly
Ciel Noir Jul 2020
I want to be loved
really truly
for me

If you love me for something else
what does that mean?

Do you love the illusion
you are thinking of?
That is not who I am.

Who do you love?
Ciel Noir Nov 2021
I see what love does
it scares me

I tried to find a way around love

but that hurt more
than the other
kind of
pain

I have to love
it is part of my brain

maybe I can find a way

around the fear
Ciel Noir Mar 2024
do not love me for my face
love me for my ways
my grace

do not love me for my looks
love me for my art
my books

do not love me because I'm young
love me for what I've said and done

love me for something deep
love me
love me for something I can keep
Ciel Noir Aug 2020
who were the gods
who spun the wheel
and landed on your star
how many numbers did they draw
to make you who you are
who threw the dice
ten thousand times
to roll your run of sevens
to bring you
bright and lightning struck
what luck
and from what heaven
Ciel Noir Jun 2019
today
my head is full
of the sound
of machines
they are everywhere I go
in the world
my home
and my   dreams
MAD
Ciel Noir Feb 2022
MAD
I know we want
to get revenge
but wouldn't we
be just like them

get back at them
talk smack at them
react
and turn our backs on them

this is how everybody thinks
this is how everybody sinks

there is no balancing
the scales

this is how everybody fails
Ciel Noir Jul 2020
no sunlight falls
on this path I have chosen
my heart is not broken at all
it is frozen

I wander the darkness
in search of your light
you are the shadow
and I am the night

I love and I hate you
with all of my heart
and when I think about you
I am torn apart

once more at the crossroads
the lines seem to vanish
but it doesn't matter
all roads lead to madness
Ciel Noir May 2019
I think about the things we see
What we know of reality
How different they are

Forces and fields and particles
Quarks and atoms and molecules
But we see trees and stars

We wrap ourselves in this cartoon
And paint the walls of our cocoon
Like Michelangelo

But if we turned to face the door
Which casts these shadows on the floor
What madness would we know?
Ciel Noir Oct 2019
look in my eyes
you think you see through
mirrors not windows
you only see you

smooth as a well
I smile and I nod
but I am a maelstrom
beneath this façade
Ciel Noir Mar 2019
Dark twisted branches
Reach up to the sky
Carrying beauty and hope
Like sacred fire
Ciel Noir May 2018
Magpie
Chattering
Mimicking
Other birds
Steal their
Shiny
Shiny
Words
Fly away home
Weave them in your own
Glittering and complicated
Nest
Until your
Shiny
Shiny
Nest
Covers the whole world
Make everybody learn
Your
Shiny
Shiny
Stolen
Woven
Words
Ciel Noir Jan 2021
don't know what I want
don't know what's real and
my mind is reeling
too many feelings

paint a smile
on every mask
for all my friends
pretend
I'm dealing

but deep inside
I want to hide
I want to scream
burn down everything

and yet instead
I keep the fire in my head
and I smile through the flames

so they can't feel my pain
Ciel Noir Oct 2019
I don’t understand your mask
Only the darkness underneath
I don’t understand your smile
I only understand your teeth
Ciel Noir Jun 1
I've been masking for so long
that I forget
that's what I'm doing

sometimes I can play a role

but mostly I just mask as
'human'

I pretend that I am swimming
no one wants to see me drowning

no one wants to hear about
how hard it is to be around them

I find out what they can handle
of my real identity

show that much personality
so masking takes less energy

but sometimes I still find me hoping
I could lay my soul wide open

maybe you can be the place
where it is safe to have a face
me
Ciel Noir Dec 2020
me
what am I made of?

words and expressions?
matter and energy?
things and possessions?

am I my ideas
and what I have felt?

am I a hand
that has already been dealt?

what am I made of?

force and attraction?
the sum of my equal opposite reactions?

does this all add up
to an identity?

the soul casts no shadow

I am only

me
Ciel Noir Mar 2019
A word gains new meaning
Every time it is shared
Until it becomes
A poem unto itself
Ciel Noir Jun 2018
You shall find if you shall seek
A million different ways to speak
Our tongue is not the only tongue
For we are not the only ones

In love and loss, in fight and flight
A thousand voices fill the sky
Still echoing across the land
I wish that I could understand

Sometimes I wonder about ants
Their tiny little alphabets
The verbal dances of the bees
Six nine and zero, eight and three

I wonder too about the whales
Who roam the ocean without sails
And sing their deep and haunting tunes
A million miles below the Moon

I wish that I could understand
The speech of creatures on the land
They bark and growl, whistle and hiss
What is the meaning of all this?

But we are not the only ones
And ours is not the only Sun
Who do I most wonder about?
One day I hope that we'll find out.
Ciel Noir May 2018
This is why you're not good enough
That's something I've heard people say
I used to get angry or cry
Now I just laugh and walk away

Because I know that same mean voice
Has all those same mean things to say
Even when they are all alone
And there is no one else to hate

The things that people say to others
Are what they say to themselves
The things that people criticize
Are what they hate about themselves

So I walk on because I can
Not everybody has that choice
They'll only hurt me once but they
Can't walk away from their own voice
Ciel Noir Dec 2018
when you measure yourself

against another
remember

that

Everyone has secrets
Ciel Noir Jan 2022
slim silhouettes
of onyx trees
the sky is like
a silver sea

light fills the clouds
and overflows
like angels' wings

our brightest stone
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