I try so hard
but it's not enough

I don't know how to do anything right

I'm afraid to admit
how hard I try

I'm ashamed
I can't do it
all by myself

I'm afraid to tell you
that I failed

when someone else
would have done so well

I'm afraid to rely
on someone else

I'm afraid to tell you
that I need help

the cage that I am in
is made of fear

you turn your head away
I am still here

and in the night
I bet you hear me scream

I bet you feel my terror
when you dream

I am your shadow
I am here to stay

I am you
I will never go away

LET ME OUT

let me fly
let me be free

I will not rest
until I find the key

my identity
labyrinth that I construct
to imprison me

many moments
I catch myself
looking ahead

I am dying in bed
I am already dead

I don't know what will happen
but I try to see

what will happen to us
what will happen to me

I look into the future
the future looks back

envying my smooth skin
and the time I have left

pitying me for silly mistakes
I still make

laughing
at the naivete
trending today

and the future
I see it branch out like a tree

many branches
but they are all looking at me

I am a memory

I haunt them
every one

with the things I do now
that cannot be undone

petty quarrels
that I would do better to question

questing for laurels
I'm too restless to rest on

I'll make my mistakes
till the branches all break

it is not the future
it is always today

everything
was all my fault
I was a monster
from the start

I should have changed myself
maybe
I could have deserved
to exist

hate myself for what I was
for what I said
for what I did

I look back at myself
and say things
no one should
say to a kid

do not be afraid
I'm here

I will defend you
have no fear

I have a weapon
I can fight

I will walk with you
in the night

I can look
around the corners

no trouble
it is my honor

I don't care
how long it takes

I am here to keep you safe

rest assured
and fear no more

let me walk you
to the door

I am here
I will defend you

throw a spider
out the window

I defend
and I pretend

I am the one
who is so brave

it makes it harder to admit
I am the one who is afraid

my isolation keeps me from
dangerous things
I should not touch
the things that make me feel too much
I can almost feel the pain

my isolation gives to me
a vantage place to watch the storm from
here behind my picture window
I can almost feel the rain