it's easy to stand up
to people who hate us

the only thing holding us back
is our fear

but it's harder to stand up
to people who love us

who are not aware
of their toxic behavior

and likely would cry
if they knew how they hurt us

now that is a real ******* balancing act

I might look like
I'm standing still
but I am fighting
tooth and nail

Wish you could see
how hard I try
so you'd forgive me
when I fail

I wish I more than seemed
to rest
Feels like the day
is never done

I wish you could
put on my shoes
and find out how it feels
to run

I smile
so I don't have to lie

I seem
so I don't have to be

I drink
so I don't have to think

I write
so I don't have to scream

take a chance
take a guess
take over the world
take away people's money
so they can't survive

sometimes you have fire
machetes and knives
sometimes tell the truth
and sometimes you can lie

solve a maze
solve a riddle
remember the code

stay in the middle
stay on the road

sometimes you defend
sometimes you attack
sometimes you live once
and sometimes you come back

go alone
or with friends

make a move
make a plan

make a knight
or a queen
when you get to the end

save the ship
save the girl
save the score
save the world

all the same game
but there's more than one way to win

I remember
when I found out

what
not who but what
god is

it hit me like a ton of bricks
when I felt it

not He
but it

and that was so surreal
to feel

to realize
that god is real

no name
no face
no soul
only control

god does not know

god is
.

it hurts my soul
to be so alone
in the cold for so long
out here all on my own

set myself up for failure
chasing the Moon
that's how it feels
when I reach out to you

if I could let somebody
get close to me
how can I even know
just how good it could be?

I don't know how it feels
but I want that for me
I don't know if I can
but I want to believe

I'm not so good
at letting go
and when I care
I let it show

it takes so much more
mental effort
just to say
"OK whatever"

than to plan and scheme and work
and dream of ways
to make you smile

I promise I'll let go of you
but it will take me
quite some while