I've fallen out of love
and now I don't have much to say
I think a little writer's block
is better than that pain

the pareidolia transforms
into another pattern
and signs that used to point to you
now do not seem to matter

though this is not to say
it's always so easy to cope
I really feel the cold
without the false heat of false hope

but now my eyes are open
to the way I truly feel
and I can put my hope into
a search for something real

.                 boring                                               organized         .
  ******                                               elegant
     rude                                              funny
capriciou­s                                           exciting
  slutty                                        ****
  d­angerous                                    powerful
           fascist      Χ               6     obedient  
  scary     Ξ         6     cool
  wild     Σ  6    alive
  in truth we are
    human as you
    our demons are
    our   angels   too

how long
until I pull myself together
and rise up

how many years
until I realize

I deserve the same respect
the same compassion

as any other being
on the face of the Earth

all I need to do
is open my hand

how long will it take
to find the strength
to do that

no one has my heart
no one colors my art
no one lights up my soul
like a million stars

no one knows me like that
no one loves me that way
when I get in my head
no one knows what to say

no one sees me clear
and still holds me dear
I reach out in darkness
no one is here

no one seems to me
the way the one should be
truthfully
maybe no one
is the one for me

what is courage?
I know how it feels:
like my spine is made of steel
is it a tool of the mind
or fire that comes down from the sky?
or that determined voice inside:
"I will not let the fear decide"
maybe I will never know
but I feel courage in my soul

a river flows
where no one goes

this is a place
where no one stays

one day I will lose everything

one day
or day by day by day

and time will be
the end of me

and I will be
a memory

and all who still
remember me

the river will
wash them away

I am lost in it
the storm fills my whole world
and I forget the Sun

a beautiful rainbow fills my sky
I am shining in its light

closing my eyes against the rain