when I wander in your world
black       and       white
but mostly gray

sometimes I forget the way
and I stay more than a day

somewhere far
outside your sphere
there is fire on my horizon

light that cannot find me here

where I go to disappear

this same pain
keeps coming back
all throughout my life

you're not the one
who cut me deep

you are

only the knife

I say
if we had never met
how happy I would be

but for real
somebody else would hold
their own cold steel
to me

this is not worthy of my shame
it's not worth crying for

love is not a numbers game

I won't play
anymore

I loved you

true

but it was wrong


and I learn now

how

to be strong

love and hate
pushing the heart back and forth
like a pendulum

I am the one
to close the door

I did not feel this way
before

my way is full of
mystery

no stars
to light the stormy sea

don't know what I want
don't know what's real and
my mind is reeling
too many feelings

paint a smile
on every mask
for all my friends
pretend
I'm dealing

but deep inside
I want to hide
I want to scream
burn down everything

and yet instead
I keep the fire in my head
and I smile through the flames

so they can't feel my pain