sometimes I think of how I was
and wish that I was still so young

but then I think back with my heart
remember how it really was

I was so angry

I was scared

I was confused and insecure

I saw enemies everywhere

I was naive and immature

but I'm not sure who I would be
if I had never earned my scars

if I had learned more easily
and earlier
or not at all

I don't know if I would
or could
change something
if I could go back

if I had made a different choice
maybe I'd still believe in that

and if I had been wiser
maybe then I would have never failed

or gained the courage that can only come
from fighting tooth and nail

if I had made no such mistake
how different my life would be

I would not recognize myself
and you would not recognize me

and though I still get caught up in
I wish I had, I wish I hadn't

or I wish I had more time
or I wish I still looked like that

I guess I'm grateful for
all those mistakes that made me who I am

and just as grateful that
I do not have to be so young again

I am connected to
everything

all made of the same
energy

the more I try to
disconnect

the more the fact
of this interconnectedness

reflects on me

connects back
into me

made of stars
all I am and all we are
and all else unknown

I zoom out
I abstract the self outward
and I am alone

I reach out
fill out into emptiness
infinite abyss

deep within
part of me is wondering
is there more than this?

there is no forever
that was never the deal

that was just what we dreamed
that is just how we feel

maybe it's for the best
maybe time is our friend

when forever and ever
means never again

I kept her in chains
the animal in me
until she learned how to speak

now she speaks for me

I am in chains
and she is free

I don't want to share myself with the world
myself is scary and weird

I don't want to wander too close to the light
I stay in the dark with my fear

I am god
you are god
and there is nothing more

it is all in our mind
there is nothing beyond

it is only a dream
it is mine
it is yours

and our souls
are like shadows
that dance on the wall

we are light
we are emptiness
we are the door

we are all
we are everything

nothing at all

we have not yet been born
we are already gone

this is all just a story
it already was

I move through this avatar
you move through yours

through the smoke and the mirrors
that almost seem real

through reflections
of how this illusion feels

the illusion of distance
that makes us feel lost

missing the oneness
that we forgot

we cling to this world
and forget to be god

sometimes we remember
and that is called 'love'

I am god
you are god
that is all that we are