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It’s been a long time
Since I faced this canvas
Maybe it was a lack of time
A vacation with no rest
Actively brain dead, I couldn’t test the ability to conjure rhymes
A failure to excavate and train my mind
Or maybe it was because I had lost my inspiration
A certain spark or connection to my lost art
For someone who once felt complete, this is certainly a lost component of my heart
I ramble and I apologize but this barren realm sometimes requires this
Let me discuss a discovery that I made
Rather something I hadn’t noticed I lost
A longing for love…
To find one and bask in her radiance
And enrich her with the emotions I have since kept latent
I used to believe I was searching for purity
Someone simply made for me,
But experience would soon prove those thoughts foolish
Because sadly life will always inflict the heartache Ashanti described
To those who didn’t know it yet strap yourselves in for a bumpy ride
But the ride will equip you with the knowledge and experience needed to keep growing
Anyhow I digress, see this topic was often something I stressed
But lately, I’ve kept it at bay, admit to myself it was okay
Exposed myself to what the Christians would claim are sins
Stupid morals and standards
At such a young age who the hell was I to judge?
We’re all still learning, don’t you dare ever hold a grudge
I just want someone to hold
A girl with a confidence all her own
But still depends on my love
Her imperfections whatever they may be
Will make her perfect because she is
For me
And when I sleep I will rest easily knowing
She makes me happy
Genuinely content as a take one last look at her in my arms
Until the sun rises above our heads once more
A kiss to her forehead and I whisper,
“Sweet dreams my love,
Sweet dreams”
But until then I’ll keep the faith
And see what paths in life await me
Until I am once more reintroduced to love.
In junior high, there was a kid on my bus
who would always run home as soon as the bus dropped him off.
Some people would laugh at him every day.
They didn't know that he ran
because he wanted to make sure his sister hadn't killed herself
while he was gone at school.
One day, he missed school.
A week after, he was back.
He stopped running
Her eyes were as green as the grass she ran across
as she stepped out of the car and began to sprint up to me
her gait was full of hope,
her smile showed every emotion she'd ever felt
all the pain
all the fear
all the coming to Jesus with a prayer.
But as she saw me standing all alone
and the look on my face telling all,
she new that something was terribly wrong.

I told her the news as best as I could
just trying to keep my own composure
When I was done, I managed to ask if she needed to hang around a while
She just whispered "..no.."
She went back to the car and stepped inside
I never saw her wipe a tear
I was half tempted to tell her flat out that she was coming back home with me
but she said "I need to be alone"

That night i went home and went to sleep
a dream awaited me
It was her in a gorgeous white dress,
her pupils had gone dove white.
she said
"Tell momma and daddy i love them,
they're still trying to save me.
Its hopeless, they just can't see.
All the pills they forced down my throat never did help me,
only the love of the one thats now gone."

"Be a good boy, Play "Beautiful Things" at the funeral.
don't let 'em mourn me too long.
They have better things to do than think of me."
I woke up with a start and got the call from the hospital
Her parents said they needed to see me.
When I got there all i did was say good-bye
and wipe the tears from her mother's eyes.

Story goes that she drove over to the town two hundred miles away
No one knew her beautiful face and the hurt it possessed
Its said that she drank more than she had in her whole life
and grabbed the keys before the bartender could ask if she needed a ride
Cops found the car crashed straight into a tree
they said it must have been going 90.
I guess thats what happens when the girl falls in love with the Marine.
once,
i didn't sleep
for two and a half days.
i counted the hours,
60 of them,
to get through the nights.
i counted the
continually
frightening thoughts,
to get through the days.

and did you know,
after 72 hours
of wakefulness, a person can
count themselves
legally insane?

well i knew i had to sleep before then,
because my already
off-kilter mind
did not need to be
legal.

but i kept myself up
for 60 good hours,
taking little red pills when i felt tired,
until i decided
i'd had enough,
curled up in my bed
and became something
relatively sane
again.
Id like to draw you a soul that fits mine.
The two halves of a small glass shell.
But.
You already lost your soul,

And mine has taken to spending lonely nights,
nestled in the trees
overlooking our stream.

Do you remember?
Do you remember telling me stories
about the owls
who carried the frost on their wings?

Only now do I understand,
the early spring frost wasn't caused
by these silent guardians.

Shoes muddy from soft banks
cool waves of rejection lapping at the shoreline of my soul
the frost tried to warn me,
an icy shield against you,
killing blossoms and decorating my heart
with snowflakes,
telling me softly, that eventually,
the warmth of your jacket would be gone.

The frost chilled me to the bone,
and my soul shivered,
trying to feel its frozen fingertips.
Honest hands cradled clockwork rhythms
and everything was warm.

Young and foolish I mistook this spark for love.
It wasn't you.
The warmth I experienced
on that frozen night
wasn't my love for you,
but my soul falling in love
with the early frosts of spring.

Never before had someone cared enough
to light a fire in my soul,
simply because
the brightest candles were made
to burn.

Unselfishly the cold mist caressed my being,
lighting a fire with the friction
of compassion.

You have long since faded from me life,
like a complex puzzle
left out in the sun.
You took back your jacket,
returned my books,
and left us lonely.

So I write my letters to no one
while my soul sits in our tree, staring hopefully
at the stagnant water
and wishing
for the owls to return.
Bringing with them
the unselfish frost.
Your velvet breath comes
As the morning sky is born
Celebrate and devour peace
The broken timid breeze
Lingers and torn
At your young wild steel heart
That is on your sleeve
A naked prisoner that has no way
Stream through the secret desire
Into the ocean glass up into the free
I float away from love letting it flee
Strolling after summer songs looking for relief
Through the nights of sweet blue birds
Under the daffodils I reside
Where the earth blossoms and hears my cries
We suppress a thousand years of lies
Her shadow sleeping in the wind
Storming over the raw language of love
Moaning with that dark drunk tongue
Always bitter with delirious skin
Torn petals on my flesh
Lick beneath the pink suit
Smooth whispers and the smell of the moon
As crushed flowers weep
Goodness still soars
As our dreams boil frantically together
We are bare yet never recover
The day he found her weeping in her ***** hole,
all twisted up with her backward smile.
The white knight had finally found her-
with the rest, can't you figure out?                                                                                        
But with a cruel joke;
The handsome savior dispearses into the darkness,
Back into that deadly black armor.
Listen close,
Please don't forget;
always remember, sweet dearest Alice.                                                                                                                
A rabbit hole is too far down to fall, with the intent of being caught...
It’s a shame it was all a dream;
My bread and butterflies kisses were yours to feel.



© Victoria
I have this idea of you.
Tattooed and beautiful.
Sarcastic and witty,
with a silver tongue
that tastes better than
the richest chocolate.
You messaged me yesterday.
Snide words about present company
and then wanted to see me. I agreed
because I no longer remembered the
sound of your voice. Those tones
and inflections that make the
ugliest insults sound like a church choir.
Spiritual. Soulful.
Your laugh rang through the car
like it has through the hollows
of my mind every night when
eyes are closed, beds are empty
and I try to remember the sound
of your voice.
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