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Sep 2019 · 194
Karma
I've made so many mistakes
So much ground to cover
Trying to right my wrongs
Only to uncover another

They say you get what you give
And I know that to be true
Because I'm fighting to repair
I'm struggling to undo

All the years of negativity
Alcoholism and drugs
Making headway out of this pit
That I have quickly dug

Change comes with time
This path of correction I must follow
So much I must repair
For a better tomorrow

A little at a time, I can finally see the sun
Blinded by the brightness, from which I've always run

To stop acting like a boy
To finally become a man
And stop wallowing in my pity
To make my final stand

Against this heavy darkness
I have allowed to take control
I am ready to be better
I will not be swallowed whole.

One day I will look back
On the mess that I have made
The war to right my wrongs
To be worthy of being saved.
Jun 2019 · 186
Monotony
I lay awake, I close my eyes
I try to count those ******' sheep
I toss and turn I can not sleep
All I am.. Anxiety

Paralysis comes, I am encumbered
Forced to see you in between
This reality and the land of dreams
I cannot run I cannot scream

You play these stupid ******* games
And run away the second it rains
Leaving me alone to drown in pain
And every girl is the ******* same.
May 2019 · 185
Depression
Another sun sets
I watch the night creep  
The color is ****** from the world
Vanishing before my very eyes
I crumble to my knees and beg
I wish only to be
Like the trees and houses
That vanish within
The tidal wave of darkness.
May 2019 · 172
Reflections
This reflection in the mirror
Is it really me?
I touch my face, he touches his face
Surely this can't be.

I remember thinking of the future
Of the man I would become
Time flew by so fast it seems
I've completely come undone.

I stare into his eyes
His dark and angry eyes..
Deep inside.. Goosebumps arise
Every tortured, desperate cry..

The past floods me so vividly
Takes the breath right out of me
Denial rears, choke back the tears
The hate pours right out of me.

In a fit of rage I strike him
I can't take this anymore
Covered in blood and void of love
He falls in pieces on the floor

I pull shards from my hands
And the rage it slowly fades
He must be me after all
His eyes share my mistakes.
Sep 2018 · 252
Loop
Why does this always happen?
I am trapped in a loop
I can hear her laughin'

The world has lost its colorful hew
Returned to sender
Nothing new..

People say, its time to move on
But I feel so lost
I feel so wronged

I wait, forever for her to call
In this giant bed
I feel so small

Why does this always happen?
Trapped in this loop
I hear her laughin'
Aug 2018 · 238
Me
Me
Hello, I am me
I love full tilt
Full time
Immensely

You blew into my life
Like a wild fire
Flames soring ever higher
Untamable

I reached through the flames
And I will never forget
Your name
Thank you

My world was cold and dark
Many nights alone
Feeling lost
You thawed my world

Life began to blossom
Feelings I thought extinct
Hit me like a plague
That I would burden always..

It is too soon
For my mouth to speak
The words I wish to..
Desperately..

Not Because I need you
To fix me..
Simply because...
You make me a better

Me..

I love you.
Kaite- chances are you will never never be mine forever. And if thats the way life pans out all i can say is Thank you for reminding me that I am worthy of love. Its funny.. One day if we stay together you'll stumble across this page and say whoa..
Aug 2018 · 241
Kaite-
She will hold my hand in public
Fingers laced, Smile placed
She never backs away
When I offer her my face,

When I look into her eyes
My demons suffocate
Deep pools of baby blue
Her entire being radiates

Every time we touch
Feels like I can get no higher
She's more than a flawless face
For she is a soul on fire.


*I stole the last line from a meme
Apr 2018 · 3.2k
Body Heat
Down by the market, past
The only stop light
We would walk, and talk
Make out all night
Forbidden love
But it felt so right
Go to sleep early
Sneak out all night

The winter was cold
Friction warmed us both
Enough to get naked
Make love in the snow
Until we pocket dialed on
Your old cell phone
2:30 am your mom was home
I wish I could see her face
When she first heard you moan

Havent seen you in years
But this I know
You still smile
Whenever it snows.
If thats true
You're not alone
Because I'm cold as hell
And popping up a bone.
Nov 2017 · 257
Radiance
Look inside
it's quite a view
A radiant light
Emits from you

Take a breath
Hold me close to you
I can always find
The light in you
Oct 2017 · 259
Monster
In the mirror
What do I see?
Just a monster
Staring back at me

It has my face
It has my eyes
Only I see
What hides inside

Just a monster
Oct 2017 · 457
Concrete
I saw your smile and I was lost
Your beauty puzzled me
My hopelessness tossed
It took some time
But soon we were falling
Inside of me
Emotions we're brawling
So fast and so real
I never knew you were frowning
But when we hit loves ocean
You left me there, drowning.
O
Oct 2017 · 236
Tangible Truth
I will never walk away from you
I'd stand in front of death for you
And if you ever doubt my heart is true
I'll cut it out
To show it to you.
Oct 2017 · 286
Costumes
Hundreds of people
In the crowd around me
But I've never felt
More alone

I've spent infinite time
Adrift in solitude
And was forced
To build a home

The storm constantly darkens
Gorging on the light
Inside of me hope
Has given up the fight

I drone through the day
Normal people around me
I paint on a smile
But Inside I'm drowning
Oct 2017 · 322
The view
We have went different ways
A long, long time ago
Many moons have passed over us
Each one seems to slow

The crickets used to chirp
In the damp, and brisk night air
Now soft weeping, deep breathing
Is all there is to hear

Music used to sooth us
We listened tangled on the bed
Now the notes match the rhythm
But the songs are dead

Instruments collect dust
In the corner on their stand
So close is the Tranquility
But peace is a foreign land

We watched the tear drops form..
On the windows of our cell
Now alone with not but brokenness
You left me in this hell.
Depression
Apr 2017 · 1.1k
Hope
I've tried calling
And I've tried texting
I've tried sleeping
No hope of resting

You're on my mind
You're in my dreams
I see the signs but
Don't know what they mean

Am I doomed to love you
When will you ever see
I was meant for you
And you were meant for me.
Apr 2017 · 369
Ride or die bride
Close your eyes and picture this
While love yet exists on our lips
The future ahead, the road behind
Make your choice..
But don't make it blind

So many memories we've left to make
Possible life we may yet create
With so much possible we could do..
You can do it without me..
But it would be hollow without you

So while you ponder your next step
While my palms shake, covered in sweat
As i drop to my knees and ask you this
Would you be the one
Yo fulfill my wish

In this life the next, forever after
Would you complete my life with laughter
Would you be down to ride or die
If so accept this ring
And be my bride.
-Amber
Mar 2017 · 583
Late night whiskey
Last night I was weak
I locked myself away
Confined and secluded

Memories from my past
Began bombarding me
I could not take
Being drug back there

I grabbed a bottle
Started taking shots
Alone in the dark
Angry and hysterical

Not even God
Can save me
From the abuse
I always endure
Mar 2017 · 276
Black
Only I can fix me
But I have given up
Life is ******* everyone
But I have had enough.
Mar 2017 · 280
Winds
Don't cry for me
You left me
I don't need your winds
Of pity
To set sail
On this sea
I propell
Soley on misery.
Mar 2017 · 256
Deep
Every time I close my eyes
Memories like to **** me
My slumber is so dark
Nothing can awake me

Shadows fill the void..
A deep and empty well
And somewhere at the bottom
Rolling is Adele.
Feb 2017 · 1.6k
In the crowd
Somebody help me I can't breathe
I find myself cowering
On my knees

I reach out earnestly begging please
I've never asked for help..
It's foreign to me

You're all marching by too blind to see
I am human too..
******* notice me.
Feb 2017 · 308
Ephipany
She walks through the corridors of my mind
Leaving nothing but longing behind
My god how could I have been so blind
Not to see this woman in front of me..
The entire time.
Feb 2017 · 293
Time machine
Forget the past
To find the present..

Neglect the present
Lose the future

Mistakes in past
Regret in present

And only misery
Is in your future.
Feb 2017 · 406
I promise you..
As dry as the desert
As light as a feather
I will hold you close
In my arms forever
Feb 2017 · 512
Rebirth
She took my breath away
Then she stole me heart
She told me I was everything
Then she tore me apart

Spent days months and years
Putting myself back together
But there's fissures in my confidence
Wounds that last forever

Told me so many lies
I am hidden from the truth
A storm is brewing violently
And I have a leaky roof..

Still again I find myself
Staring deep into her eyes
Still a pawn under her spell
Alive again inside.
Jan 2017 · 362
Please Don't..
When you look at me,
Do you know what you do?
The eruption deep inside of me..
Do you feel it too?
Does lighting streak through you
Bring life to your nerves..
Make you reminisce..
All your perfectly imperfect curves
Drench you in emotion..
Fighting for your breath
Palms start sweating madly
Make you think of more than ***?
So don't flutter your eye lashes
Patronise me with flirts and lies
Because when you look at me
I feel alive again inside.
I will always love you.
Nov 2016 · 335
The Reaper has come
Break me down, watch me burn
Light the fire, make me learn

Ive been bad, I can't fake it
Its gunna hurt, but I can take it

Sew my eyes shut, cut out my tounge
Bind my legs, so I can't run

Heart's still beating, not sure why
Hanging by a thread, why can't I die?

Tunnel vision sets, a white light.. no..
I'm falling through hell
With a long way to go.
Oct 2016 · 637
Truth
Truth

For many months
He listened to her
Sad stories, mistakes she made
He took the time to care
And offer his shoulder
His hand.
She reached for it skeptically
But grabbed it none the less
She locked eyes with him
Smiled and said..
I love you I really do
Not just as a friend but more..
Then months and months go by
Then years and years pass too
A decade before he knew it..
Being too nice is how he blew it
Time can't heal all wounds.
How I feel today
Oct 2016 · 587
Becking call
She calls to me
Not with her voice
Not with her beauty

I gravitate toward her
Absent resistance, conscience..

We connect two bodies
Yet merge one soul
She calls to me..
Tis why I am whole
Oct 2016 · 331
Flies
Lately, I've been down
Lost inside my mind
Probe deep.. dig deeper
I'm sure you will find

Alone and, misguided
Roaming through heart
It looks good, peaceful
But deep inside it falls apart

I know not, where I'm off to
But I know all too well
Ill always, be alone
In my heart's lonesome cell.
Oct 2016 · 326
Comfortably Yours.
It's come down to this..

I do not want to wake
Smothered in my sake
I just wonder..
How much can I take?

Am I destined to roam?
To never reach home
To go to sleep at night alone?

To wake up so lonely
With nobody to hold me
Alone in my shell with no one
To console me..

As I close my eyes
My burning insides
Erupt through my veins
And I can't even cry

I know I more than deserve
To escape this hurt
I know deserve
To be comfortably hers.
Oct 2016 · 528
Sober
We aren't supposed to be together
Because when we are
The whole world spins
I forget my words.. my mind
I say things I don't mean
I act a total fool
I trip over myself
And go head over heals
To the bottom
Of the bottle
.
Oct 2016 · 606
Thats not my name..
Don't tell me you don't like it
When I pull your hair
Don't tell me you don't like it
When I act like I don't care
Your vacant stare shows the truth
You disguise behind your eyes
The ecstacy I give to you
As shallow as your lies.
Oct 2016 · 346
Behind the veil
She takes it
Deep Inside
Raging and throbbing
Biting her lips
Arching her back
You think it's ***
It's really depression
Oct 2016 · 304
The fathers prayer
My father
Who art in new York
Hallowed and most likely drunk
My car broke down
My gas tank empty
In new York as it is at home
Give me this day
My daily ration
Of distaste and dismay
Forgive me for my ignorance
As I forgive those as ignorant as you
Lead me away not in the ways of you
Deliver me from seed
Sep 2016 · 353
Untitled
My blood pressure rises
With each reciprocating motion
Her perfect body makes
As she draws back the bow
To fire the arrow
Of me.
Sep 2016 · 280
Something wicked
Sinister thoughts lurk
Deep within the shadows
Of my mind.
Sep 2016 · 343
Nobody for President
Am I alone? Does anyone see?
What's become of our "democracy"?
Withholding truths.. spewing lies
Sacrificing countless lives
Americans starving in our streets..
But providing enemies with guns and meat..
A handful of people acting as god
Keep society lethargic.. and nothing is flawed
Build it, destroy it.. rinse and repeat
The few count they're money, and refuse to retreat
Political scandals.. crash of the dollar
They yank the leash, we wear the collar
You do as your told, blind by the bliss
But if you took five minutes if you could resist..
The fast cars and money, the ridiculous media
The star struck obsession the news like to feed ya
Just put down your cell phone and open your eyes
Our country is collapsing.. and society's blind..
Your vote doesn't matter they know the selection
Dead people voted!!! When bush won election
I guess with all this **** running through my head..
As this election nears I am filled with dread..
Mischievous candidates.. propaganda overloaded
Tell me who'd be the President?
If nobody voted?
Our. Country. Is. Doomed.
Sep 2016 · 271
Denial
What happened to that fire in your eyes
And the wall you hide behind?

Was it easy to decide?
Do you wake with peace of mind?

when you close your eyes
Do you travel back in time?

Cold sweats in the night
And remember..
What my love was like..
Sep 2016 · 258
Wayward
Can you
Feel me
Inside the darkness
In you?
Sep 2016 · 355
Time keeper
Time goes by they say
It will heal my wounds
  But I've been counting moons
And I still feel so blue..
Amber
Aug 2016 · 420
Crabs
He who fishes
In his neighbors well
Only catches *****.
Aug 2016 · 414
Ember
Smoldering in the dark
Decaying crevices in my heart
A once proudly raging spark
Threatens to disembark

What once was warm is cold
Even my bones feel old
Peaceful memories wilt and mold
Sanity will soon unfold

No way to reignite
This fire in my life
No tranquility awaits me
When I turn out the lights.
Aug 2016 · 792
Faith-1
**** in one hand
Hope in the other
See which one
Fills up quicker
Aug 2016 · 271
She said..
She said don't trust me
And if this must be..
Keep hope a little rusty

Because she's fussy
Been treated roughly
Her hearts a little dusty

But it's worth trying
And she wasn't lying
Now I feel like dying
Aug 2016 · 409
Always remember..
I will never forget

The way you walked
The way you talked
The peace to my life
You brought

The love you brewed
And even though were through
I will never forget
You.
Aug 2016 · 347
Facts
When life gives you lemons..
Make lemonade..
When life gives you ****..
Fertilize your garden.
Aug 2016 · 374
She loves me not
I used to play the game
She loves me.. she loves me not
Now a pile of rotting pedals
Is all that I have got.
Aug 2016 · 313
Truth
The only thing worse
Than being alone
Is being alone together.

What happened to the time
When love was
Always and forever..
Aug 2016 · 303
Snooze
Seems a different life
Was the last time
We gazed into each others eyes

But in fact
I stare into those
Light brown eyes
Every night.

I just wonder
If I ever cross your mind.
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