No happenstance
No sweetness
Just ashes falling like the greyest snow
Her silent war
Her lavender eyes
Squinting at brightness the sun only knows

If time had no enemies
Would we still fight for one more day?
Or would the compass we've buried
Still point to our dark and desperate ways?

No heartbeat
No breath
Just ashes covering my tired face
Her sequins
Her beauty
Torn from a soul made out of lace

Happiness is not a highway
It's a green exit sign
Failure is not a collision
It's just the yellow lines

Peaceful
That's what I am without you
Like a star-studded chandelier
I am swinging, swaying
Not breaking or betraying
And I will not plead for you

Radiant
That's what I am without you
Like a million fireflies in the dark
I am glowing, gleaming
Not shouting or scheming
And I will not plead for you

It unsettles me that no one
Not my golden-haired mother
Nor piteous father
Not my third grade teacher
Nor any of my flights of fancy
Ever took the time to explain

That when you paint yourself into a corner

All the colors you carry with you
Along the way
From sunburned pink
To sympathetic yellow
To the grayest of blue skies
Aren't the only things that bleed

Light floods dilated pupils
As life scribbles its autograph upon them
White roses fall from the sky like rain
And I know there's no turning back now

Tilt me sideways, so the world is askew
For a minute, for a lifetime
Because I'm seeing everything for the first time
With this pair of brand new eyes

With no vanity, there is no mirror to break
And with no allegiance, there is no fate to disobey
I watch as the colors flee from predators
And I know there's no turning back anymore

This sharp breath that I finally inhale
Destroys me from the inside out
Because I'm seeing everything for the first time
With this pair of brand new eyes

My dreams have all been killed
Stabbed in the back, and bleeding out
Pushed off a ledge onto jagged rocks
Poisoned and strangled til' their final breaths
And buried beneath these grains of sand

But, I alone, am the only suspect

Our bodies overrode
Every last reasonable thought
A ring encircled your finger
But our love could never be bought
I backed you up against the wall
Passion surging as lips collided
I poured my soul into that kiss
The beat of my heart could not be silent
I ascended into the stratosphere
As I descended further into madness
The more my lips tasted your every paintbrush
The more residue adorned my canvas
Months went by in a single blink
Like a million lightning crashes
My hands explored your every inch
Until we were blind from all the flashes
Bitemarks and dripping sweat
Lovesick lust burning through a fever
"I love you," was whispered in your ear
"I love you too," made me a believer
Wrapping your legs tightly around
As I ****** myself inside of you
I never once stopped to consider
The repercussions of our love's tattoo
You shattered me, tattered me
And tore me completely to shreds
But the way I ****** you, and loved you
We should have never left the bed

So you weave an elaborate tale
And you feed the endless consumption
But when it all
Comes down
To the truths, the rights, and the wrongs

You're just a coward
A foundation of putty and lies
Days are dwindling
And your roots
Are showing to be brittle and breakable

There's a warm wind blowing in
A welcome change
From winter's crippling breath

She says she doesn't fancy theatrics
She says it's clear that I do
Yet, whispers only when we fade to black

I have exhausted all the air in the cabin
At least what's worth inhaling
I have spilled all the blood that's worth spilling

I have been afraid of heights like these
Since the days of my innocence
Always hesitant to face the lifeless abyss

Because the one thing I have learned is
Between paramours and parachutes
Only one opens when you pull the cord

Trapped in the rearview
Peripheral sense fleeting
Sirens and sadness

They tell me I stand on ceremony
That I feel neither embrace, nor slap
But though my rigid eyes refuse compromise
I am human, though not the one I was before

It's true that I like an order to things
And that my comfort rests in things I can touch
But of all the reasons I can see in the mind's eye
"I am human" is the one that resonates the most

I blend into the background where I've made my home
A world where shadows beget only more shadows
But though the darkness controls my existence
I am human, and there's light within me yet

"Love is loud, but always listens,"
Spoken through a tourniquet
Stare all your victims in their eyes
Until, at last, they finally submit

Demonstrate your charisma, please
While we take notes and spill the wine
Surreptitiously, you prance about
Testing fleet footing in all the landmines

Your whispers pierce my tender ears
All my barriers are paper-thin
West to east, you're back on the move
Wearing a smile engineered by safety pins

"Love is loud, but always listens,"
Spoken in tongues from distant lands
The nearer we come to this armageddon
The further we are from empty hands

Chasms and carnivals
I am better left for dead
The fears buried within me
Are burying me instead
Anxiously apathetic
I am a sign nailed upon your door
Have you found a better story to tell
Than crashing recklessly into my core?

You read the book of life
But you can't turn the pages
And your plants are all made of lead
Another door slams
But you break right through
Still leaving your thoughts unsaid
Lucy loves John
But George loves Lucy
And now they're all in the sky
The eagle has landed
But he'll take it easy
Watching the whole world cry

When one twin falls
The other follows
Bringing us to our knees
How the pain overwhelms
When a thousand voices
Become a thousand lost memories
There's no comfortable in change
No cushion from the fall
The sirens ring out all around me
Still I can't move, can't even crawl

Images flash by like lightning
And it leaves an aching in me
What hurts most is the price we pay
To make us cry, make us bleed
Freedom is singing a forgotten song
When it's confined here inside these walls
Freedom is ringing, but the machine picks up
To find you weren't home at all
The lights are on but no one's there
My shield is strong, but my will is weak
The camera captures the great unknown
We fight back nightmares and a restless sleep

Show me all of your confusion
Paint it all in black and white
If it's sin you want, then it's sin we have
No color could change that light
I've walked the road to Eden
I know how the story will end
I still taste the apple everytime
I still break before I bend
The carousel spins itself off its post
Landing where angels dare not tread
Show me all of your confusion
As blood spills from forgotten dead

Some days the world is just a playground
Where the weak just pretend to be strong
Sometimes the voices down here are quiet
Waiting on a coward to finish his song
And time plays the part
Of the enemies we can't see
The muse has worked for the millionth time
In a life that will never be free

Wondering if the pieces will fit after all this time
Hoping you'll still shine your smile
Tasting salt in the water of the wishing well
You're so perfectly in denial
Shouting at angels on the freeway
You think redemption can be bought
But each passing day makes you realize
Forgiveness costs more than you thought

A sweet summer song drifts over the hills
You wish the echoes would never leave
A man in chains is no man at all
I remember you, the stains on your sleeve
Forgetting the path you took to get here
Neglecting the oath that you gave
Regret fills your every waking moment
Becoming just another melody to save

The devil calls for another life
We see his face, and we see her smile
He deserves his fate, and he waits in line
To end the waste, to end the trial
It's picturesque
It's all just a dangerous game
The first one to the edge of forever
Is the last one clinging to shame

These empty rooms, and these painted walls
I'm daydreaming on my way to the moon
The darkened sky, and the reasons why
It's just another artificial afternoon
The stars have faded and burned away
The endlessness still exists in here
I walked right into the pale sunset
And all I've ever been disappears

You find that failure, takes everything it wants
Leaving the doubts and broken dreams
But then patience pays for everything
A flood of emotion starts to tear your seams
You watch the daybreak, and wonder
If you will ever be what they need you to be
The words tremble as they dance across your lips
Their newborn eyes, staring up to see

The weight of my insecurity
Tips the scale beyond capacity
Yet I still bear the burden every day

The sound of my inner voice
Reverberates within my ear, duplicitously,
Yet I nod in subtle agreement anyway

The pulse of my constant fears
Makes my heart envious of its rhythm
Yet my veins ever widen, to my dismay

All while the warmth of my depression
Has become far too safe a shelter in this cold
Yet it seems that the frostbite....

.....is still underway

The power of pain remains ungoverned
While the currency of faith slowly bleeds out
Children, transfixed and mesmerized
Watch cannons cauterize our wounds

Mother moon, cresting over hill and lake
Reflections can no longer resist the weight
Arms, vanquished and immobilized
As dawn breaks our last awakening

By splendor's dying light
Treason has spoiled our meager hearts
Eyes, squinted and crestfallen
We are but a fraction of this mutinous crew

For our deaths may be inevitable
And our honor may be unenviable
Betrayal, blinks and relapses
While sword and shield seed the earth

My shirttail is undone
And your lips aren't painted
Except with the soft shades of surrender

My dreams are tattooed with kudzu
Your scent catches sweetly against the air
Spilling my heart as you close the door

Your eyes have been watering
But I'm hundreds of miles away
Thousands, if you include the pillow

I flick the hourglass on the nightstand
Witnessing myself slipping down the glass
As the last of the grains slowly trickle down

You fix your hair in the mirror
And I know my days are numbered
As years disappear from the calendar

I catch a glimpse of our first kiss
Soft and sudden like rolling thunder
Hands tugging at the threads of infinity

But the stairwell whispered its certain destiny
And watched, as my heart took the flight up
Yours took the flight down

I made love to you in my mind,
Long before my hands traced your skin
I tore at every strand of fabric,
Long before I espied the shape of you
I unclasped your bra in daydreams,
Long before it was tossed aimlessly aside

And whatever, my love,
Happens to us now
Know that the burning desire within me
Still echoes
In every revolution of the minute hand
And in every mile of space between us

I know again I shall crave,
Reckless collisions from our bodies entwined
I know again I shall thirst,
To mingle my hands within strands of your hair
And I know again I shall covet,
To pull you back to the embrace in which you belong

And whatever, my love,
Happens beyond tomorrow
Know that the labor of my love for your touch
Still echoes
In every drop of rain that resounds upon the roof
And in every emergence of the sun's first light

This lore we have created
Taken for granted and back again
The steps we have taken
Where scuttlebutt scrapes and scratches skin

Seething in their brilliance
These broken days echo throughout my soul
I'm lost between where winter rises and summer sets
Tearing at mind and flesh, a costly toll

Weakened eyes reap what they've sown
I slumber deep within this encumbrance
The roads we have forsaken
Shimmer like gold in their extravagance

This war we have been waging
Straddling fences and bleeding sorrow
This was the greatest of my yesteryears
Starving our hearts just to save tomorrow

Stained glass,
It hides the loathing
But nothing can hide the avarice
A southbound train rips rain from clouds
And he frowns as heaven spills her cup

He sips at tea,
Oversteeped
Swimming in thoughts bereft of color
The seat makes him feel claustrophobic
But less so than he felt yesterday

The grinding of gears,
That ****** grinding plays her melodies
Guilt shimmers off mountain waters
While subtle delusions of grandeur thrive
Deep within his heart's lifeless abyss

The train finally stops,
And he buttons his overcoat
As broken words rattle around his mind
The next stop, sweet's revenge upon bitter
The next town, failure's judgment day

My world distorts around me
I seem stuck in two swirling dimensions
These photographs are just faded sketches
Of a life I no longer remember

Climbing, falling, heaven and hell calling
My feet are cut by splintered halos
I would stand on ceremony
But my knees are buckling and losing strength

Slipping, sliding, sun and moon colliding
I dance with these apparitions rising
My heart is heavy but my burdens light
While this cataclysmic civil war rages into dawn

There's an aperture in my memory
And I feel my sanity spilling out
Each step I feel the vertigo growing stronger
Am I a caricature for an audience of one?

Here I am, broken, porcelain
Walking roads of freshly withered flowers
Grey erases all things harlequin
****** asunder, darkness devours

Here I am, meant to weep and wither
There's venom coursing through my veins
Shadows lurk as she sleeps and slithers
And happenstance controls my reigns

Here I am, a fraud and skeptic
Debating if forked roads lead to forked tongues
She sheds her skin when the need arises
And restricts the oxygen from my lungs

Here I am, contrite and frail
Rattled by the desert within her mind
I chase nothing but wind and fairytales
Yet collapse from this weight of mine

I am brittle around tender edges
I am skittish around rocky ledges
But I am still finding all the layers within myself

I am faithless around the enemy
I am graceless around the melody
But I am prospecting the deepest mines within my soul

I am radiant around sunshine
I am deviant around moonshine
But I am no longer listening to the voices within my head

I am oblivious around elegance
I am envious around dissonance
But I am merely one chord in a forgotten song

an intricate mélange behind walnut eyes
you somehow smirk with no movement of lips
sanguine, as a diamond kaleidoscope
dreams wavering along calloused fingertips

it is much like you to tear asunder
all the fractions that compose the man you see
sanguine, as the day you were born
threading your way beyond the mystery

barefoot, your steps still echo within
this cavernous place I once claimed as mine
sanguine, as the island I have become
you are my disarray, by bittersweet design

It's true
I used to have a softer heart
I used to feel the ***** of the pin
As it etched across the surface
Inscribing the images
Of your storied beauty,
And tattooing the words,
Such magnetic words
That drew me into your divinity

It's true,
I once possessed a sweeter smile
One that packed naivete in its suitcase
In its travels across my face
Vaulting me far beyond
Time and space,
And into a fairytale,
Such a frivolous fairytale
Forever staining my memory

But now,
I am trapped in this hourglass
With a heart made of granite
And for the first time
In this causal loop,
You're on the outside,
Peering in from the shadows
And the soft tissue
Is far from intact

There's no evidence
Outside of the standard fare
Newspapers, melodies, and such
That any of us are real

The way we dispatch
With pleasantries and daydreams
And recoil from the sunrise
With the swiftness of a blink

There's only proof
That we squander oxygen
With every infected inhalation
And do it all over again

Traced by a pencil,
We're still waiting
For a simple splash of color,
Both brilliant and bright

It's my birthday today, and I can remember a time
When some things weren't so distant
And other things weren't so close

I remember when all I ever wanted
Was to pull you close and make love to you
To be part of something I couldn't understand

I remember when all I ever wanted
Was to find the edge of our universe
To find the brightest of stars instead of the deepest of scars

But now, the effortless way you drift away
Makes me feel empty and unsheltered
And rusts away at dreams that once shimmered

It's my birthday today, and I can remember a time
When I wanted a future with you
More than I wanted a future with myself

The only difference between you and me
is everything

Yet, the symmetry
Where I stop, you stop again
Where I will go, you've already been
We straddle both sides of this broken fence

The only difference between you and me
is everything

Yet, the chemistry
A bond unbroken by salt and ocean
A reaction unchanged by speed and motion
Valleys flood from our melting point

The only difference between you and me
is everything

Yet, the electricity
Thunder rolls, bumps rise from skin
Hearts hum, our axis spins
Drowned in static, we remain harmonious

Because the only difference
Between you and me, is everything

.

Timidly, I step from hue to hue
In darkly lit dreams, I trip over blue
November abates, but December shuns
Nimble feet dance across a midnight sun
In exile, I stray into a path of thorns
Tearing flesh from bone like a lover's scorn
Grief, like rain, soaks me from head to toe
Stars, without name, chased back to shadow
I blatantly defy the brittle words of a liar
Yet, timidly, I step across the ice and the fire
West we go, for our chances are fleeting
I miss the mess that I was, is history repeating?
A plea resounds through the battered night
Names unspoken, surely an oversight
Take my hand, follow me back to the abyss
Where brokenness is whole and ignorance is bliss

My bare feet smack wetly against the rock
Every step resounding louder than the last
Yet it seems that with each revolution
Of this cold, dying earth
Its melody gets harder and harder to hear

Some may argue the weight of the world
Rests upon this very stepstone
Yet it seems that in this crystal stream
Where our blood runs teal
We may, in fact, be erased from existence

My cadence is as stilted as the day of my first steps
Sharp edges saw at calloused heels
Yet my body finds an unknown balance
Beyond comprehension, beyond reproach
As I finally set foot upon death's lonely shore

So I furl my brow, again
And curtly interrupt the beating within my chest
I thrash right through these fragile memories
That serve as hostesses to unwelcome guests

I remain anchored
And tethered to the obsolete

She sails across my empty sea
On currents capable of avarice and beyond
I fester within spirits of my own design
That in my youth, were once brilliantly spawned

With blissful candor
I weather her bitter deceit

I'm standing on the horizon line
Peeking back at the yellow brick road
Their eyes are transfixed upon me
And yesterday seems so out of reach

Hesitation grips my footsteps
Recalling this past of flying colors
From the birth of my blues
To the death of lavender lullabies

Secret doors explode open
Along these sunrises and sunsets
I feel each tender ***** of the needle
I slumber in pieces, yet never in peace

Waterways of indigo and dandelion
Sweep stubborn hands away from harm
Skies of silver and harmony
Pull stubborn feet off unsolid ground

I watch tangerine dreams freefall
And the octaves in my soul follow suit
I am impaled by future's rusty blade
Crimson bleeds out and radiance dissolves

Tomorrow tastes more and more bitter
The more it drips onto my tongue
Grey washes over everything I have ever been
And I turn to face a life undone

Sing me a dream set to music
Light the kerosene lamps and sit next to me
Tell me tales and yarns of your choosing
Especially the ones that are make-believe

Hand me the rest of the wine
Set your feet on the stepstool of my heart
I don't care if you cry or laugh here
Sometimes, I can't tell the two apart

Watch the fireflies blink from the open field
Close the heavy book of your expectations
I'll never fall asleep if you never leave
And we can sketch our own constellations

Tell me that I just mean something
And I will mean it for the rest of my days
Maybe once tonight I can make you smile
So I'll finally learn what it is to be amazed

"Don't fret," he says,
As feet singe along the highway
As callouses form
And perdition looms ever closer

"We do not count missteps here," he says,
As our eyelids flutter
As colors bleed
And the horizon becomes our last best hope

"Perchance one day I tame this gravity," he says,
"I may yet label these perils as the cruces of my life,"
As mirages dance
And tomorrow's spies step out of shadow

"Ensure, my child, you settle your debts," he says,
As the fog dissipates
As pockets jingle
And the road eschews its weary travelers

Where the sun goes, I shall follow
I'll grab hold as it rises in the east
And I'll jump off as it sets in the west
With burned hands and scorched feet

Where the fire burns, I shall simmer
I'm better off dying slowly than in a heartbeat
Cold hard sweat beads across the face of apathy
And it's clear I'm in over my head

Where the pavement cracks, I shall fall between
I'm a step closer to redefining destiny
And a step further from where we left our misery
Sitting on the bedside table

Where the world turns, I shall be waiting
I'll tear the bandage off and embrace the scars
And wave goodbye to the passersby
They don't even know how finite they really are

I watch the world through this filtered glass
The only place where I see things clearly
The only place where everything askew
Is finally set straight again

I watch the world from this lonely lighthouse
Seems the well-wishers have all fallen in
But the well is as dry as their lips
Victims of another summer's daydream

I watch the world from this grey cloud
The only place I hear the world's heartbeat
The only place where I can escape the storm
The only place that I belong