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  Sep 2017 Phoenix Rising
hannah
there’s a boy I love,
the boy doesn’t speak,
the boy is pale, a body full of bones.

his ****, limp
his eyes, weeping
his form, skeletal and twined.

i want to dissolve him into body wash,
clean my body with his.

there’s a boy,
a touch of 25 to his grace.
the boy kisses like he’s carving gold into cement.

he makes art out of willowing branches of thighs,
out of dove-necked wrists,
out of a sloped, vining neck.

there’s a boy,
mute; but as loud as roaring packs of waves.

there’s a boy i love,

even when i swore love was what I was most afraid of.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
It wasn't all your fault,
I'm not saying that.
I won't put it all on you.
Sometimes,
you start out as the solution
and end as part of the problem.
You were a bee drawn to my
sticky issues.
It gave me depth
and made me look strong.
[Ill]usion.
Your stinger of a love
was too sharp for my
soft, flimsy values.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
The real war is inside ourselves.
If we can push through the expedition,
if we can conquer our minds,
we can save the human life.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I want you in,
but I'm too shifty.
I see all the life lines
I could live.
Ms. Somebody,
but who should I be?
I could love you,
or you,
or you,
or me.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
.
emotional tides strict like a meal plan,
except i don't eat, but more like a noose.
i see him, i see you.
[always about you...]
the gasp is wearing;
air is tearing and dissipating.
you are choking me
handless.
manic thoughts
and cigarette chiefing,
ears bleeding
from the infomercials.
4 AM
and i ******* know more about
RVs than i know about you.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I wonder if I write from
the bottom of my heart,
that you'll take a deeper interest
in what I say.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
All I do is make you mad, sad, mad, sad; gone.
My hands tremble, I cry in bed and I feel, once again, a indescribable aching pain
inside and out of my chest.
You'd think I'd have a tolerance for pain.
Just laying there, punishing myself as if you can see it from 400 miles away. As if you can hear my gorilla-glued mouth speaking all the words my 1st place race championship mind hasn't spoken.
I am delusional and it is always too late to see. Always a fool after the fact.
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Is it enough for you?
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
Depression gets so old...
Swallowed whole...I have a disease that has no cure...No relief, no control...I wonder if I'll die this way...alone, alone.
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