I keep climbing up the cliff
Even when I see the stones
You throw down
They may make me slip
But I just climb again
I’m starting to feel tired though
My muscles are becoming sore
What is at the top
What do you not want me to see

Loneliness
In a room full of people
Yet I go invisible
No glances to me
No words spoken my way
I am gone
But still have to endure
Physically being here

Where’d the sidewalk go
I used to wonder this
As I flipped through the pages
Hoping one of them would
Answer the riddle I created
Now all I ponder
Is why my next step
Seems to sink me
Lower and lower

I refuse to be a pawn
In your game
Telling me which way to go
Making me break the rules
And always step backwards
I refuse to let you
I will do everything in my
Power to make sure I
Come back
And to make sure
I can leave for the last time

High up in the skies
The demons bellow
Seem so small
They seem weak
You could defeat them all
In one fatal swoop
But your fuel runs out
You always go back to how you felt
You always go back to what you did

I know your aware
I'm leaving
And I can't apologize anymore
So please stop making
Plans for the future
Because none of the will involve you

Closing my eyes
The orange bottle pops open
The capsules fill my mouth
But when I open my eyes the
Bottle is still closed
I never made it so
I could close my eyes for the last time

Baking
My favorite pass time
Silver toothpicks are all I use now
But it's never done
Liquid crimson spills out always

A ghost
A memory frozen in time
Projected for others to see
Maybe that's all I am
But why does it have to be
This moment
Stuck in repeat

Staring at the screen
Trying to tell if it's
Fiction
I've seen this film before
Did I play role in it?

Tic Tacs
Shaking in a bottle
How I used to tell which one to grab
Now I can't tell the difference
I don't think I care if there's a difference
They both are supposed
To cure the same wounds

Selfish
That's what I'm being
I forgot what you told me
I'm glad I read that message
Cause you deserve better than to be
Reminded
Just cause
I miss you

I know you have been gone
It may be selfish
But ever since you said you'd leave
I was worried those would be the last
Words we'd have
If you still roam this Earth
I want to make sure we can at least have
One more conversation

Every night
The thought crosses my mind
Orange bottles surround me
Couldn't I just take them all
Maybe even draw a bath
I have to stop myself
Or else when will
I hug you again

The call I have feared
For a year now
Afraid someday
I will see
Your name on the caller ID
Saying goodbye
Not from your own words
But a note left behind

Discarded like it was hers to give
Something that could never die
Even if we never spoke again
I don't want to leave it
That would mean
I could never have you with me again
I know I ended it
And you weren't healthy
But I just miss you
Maybe it's cause I deserve the toxic waste
You will bring
But I just feel like I need to make sure your
Okay

It's killing me to see you this way
All I can think is ways to fix it
To help go back to the old ways
So you are the same as before
It's crazy
A few numbers can change
Your whole opinion
On me

I was the special one to you
It didn't matter who you were
I was just happy to be your rose
Received by random chance
But now I'm wilted
No longer Being watered

White clouds filling the room
I blame you for what you did
Filling yourself with ecstasy
The same way
With substances
Why is it different when I do it?

That's all I want
A world manipulated
By the red dye of rose petals
Falling off the last
Flower

That question you asked me
Now ponders in my mind
Is it my fault
Or is it something in my head
I try not to question it
But it feels like your pulling away
If you are
I understand

The ocean throwing me around
Pulling me out
And keeping me under
I guess it’s a metaphor for
The life that I’m living
Everything has been keeping me under
Not allowing my lungs
To fill with oxygen

A moment to breathe
Fresh air filling my lungs
A moment where I feel more
That’s all I need

The last time I truly slept
Only half awake
But at least I was safe
At least I didn’t have to question
If my feelings were real

That’s all I want
A world manipulated
By the red dye of rose petals
Falling off the last
Flower

Some **** about being depressed
Finding no point anymore
I keep searching for a reason
Nothing comes to mind

I appreciate the material
I know the motive though
Distracting me from the pain
You stung into my skin
You couldn’t even bring yourself to
Apologize
Excuses were the only words
You could use

She keeps reminding me
Only till the end of summer
Why don’t I believe her?
The calendar feels like it
Should have already been flipped
Will I really get to see them at the end of
Summer?
Will the freedom have been
Worth it?

I wish I could draw
While looking over your shoulder
To remind you in person
How talented you are

Fog rolls in
Clouding my judgement
Every muscle in my body wants to reach
For the green bag I store you in

I understand now
Why people poison themselves
Everyday
I used to think it was
Inconceivable
Now I do it every night

I thought this would last weeks
You pretend to prepare gifts
You pretend to do so much
Yet today
You started old habits again