I don’t know how to tell you this
So I know you’ll read this
I broke my promise
But
Not badly
Does that make it better?
I didn’t know how to tell you in text
Every time I write you
I don’t know what words to use
I love you
Your my big sister
Not biological but close enough
And I am truly
Sorry
But I know that means nothing
Cause I did it on purpose
I could have not
But I just needed to feel
Something different

Titles
The only thing that stops me
How do I name the pain I’m feeling
Just one?
Please stop?
Trapped?
They never truly explain how I feel
The pain is deeper then
The pale skin
I’m trying to draw
Red lines on

Sea shells
Collecting them on the beach
Trying to make jewelry out of sea ****
Who knew that one sea shell
On that coast
Would be the most beautiful one
Inside and out
Listening to the soothing sounds of
The wave’s crashes echoing forever
That shell sticks with me
Like true family
Even though I found it on that coast
Only a year ago

Three letters
That’s all I need to send
But why is that so much harder
Than knowing I’ll have to say
Sorry
I need to talk to you
But I feel guilt knowing
Your one person
Taking on all my emotions
That’s so much for one person to carry
So knowing you’ll read this
I’m sorry your the only one
But thank you for being that one

The stereotypical
Crimson flowing down a page
But that’s all I want to write about
I want to feel the relief it would bring
I know the addiction would begin again
But at least then
I’d have those thoughts filling my mind
Instead of whatever these muted thoughts
Are

Cold shower to cool me off from the
Burning heat
Staring at the shower head I blink
Spiders replace the water
Spraying onto me
All kinds of spiders
None I could name
I jump back knowing there’s nothing I could do
I close my eyes hoping it will go away
As the darkness from my eyes closing
Covers my eyesight the water turns brown
Once I open my eyes again everything is normal

Nothing had happened

Why did I say that
I knew in the back of my mind
It was a lie

You told me to try other ways
I looked through the list
None of these would work

I’m sorry
But I lied
To myself and to you

I haven’t failed my promise yet
But at the first chance I get
I know I will
And that is a promise I can keep