The fence I used to walk through everyday
The lawn
My brother was brought to his knees at
You held him down
Yelling because he knew the truth
Years later you think none of that matters
When you are still drinking
You may have done worse things then
You are still an addict
You wonder why I can’t speak to you
Every time I write out what to say
All I can think of is
You
Laying on the king sized futon
While I watched
To make sure you would breathe
Another breath

Stop telling me it’ll be alright
It won’t
I found a metal flashlight
It had sharp points at the end
I dug it into my hand as hard as I could
Rotating with every breath
All my anger was put into my
Hand
The pain disappeared
I dug it deeper
I looked at the markings
They meant nothing to me
I just wished they had been worse

I could write a letter
But what would I say
That my heart is in my hands beating?
No one would understand
It’s not just from missing him
He frustrated me to the point of
Destroying myself
I talked to him for only a day
He seemed like the piece
To complete the puzzle
I call me

The flash blinding me from you
I told you so much about me with each picture
You weren’t like the others
You spoke to me
You treated me as human
I was so ready to let you use me forever
As long as it meant I could hear from you forever
Your words still echo in my brain
My message still unread
You never spoke to me again once you were done
Blocked
I’ll never hear you again
I’ll never get your “love” again
I just need someone’s
Yours truly felt like the right shape
To fill the whole in my chest