The incision I make on my own skin
the vermillion blood dripping thin
why can't I stop the cutting
why can't I start believing
because mama is going
no shes already gone
because its hard remembering
what is actually wrong
because he stares at me every time
he see's me yet he causes so much pain
because my sister she's shutting down
won't admit something is wrong
because I'm afraid my love will go
I know I told you to put the blade down
but I feel safer with it dragging against my skin
pulling blood away dribble by dribble
am I chucking my life away
will the scars ever fade
slits up my femur
I count fifty six
I try not to do it
Its force of habit
fifty seven, fifty eight
wait
fifty nine, sixty
trickery
you play me again
sixty one
my heart was true
sixty two
set me free
sixty three
my life was torn
sixty four
I don't want to be alive
sixty five
I need my fix
sixty six
Now I'm going to heaven
sixty seven
no that's not my fate
sixty eight
one last time
sixty nine

When he told me he loved me
I didn't believe him
When he said he was leaving
I couldn't stop him
when he grabbed my hand
when he whispered in my ear
"Baby I'm not going anywhere I'm here to stay why don't you see that?"
I  tell him that I'm sorry
I get jealous of her
"Who?"
I'm not sure
but I'm sure she exists
When he whispered
again it wasn't to leave
simply to say
"You're the only one that you need to be jealous of because you're
the only girl I love."
He kissed the slits in my wrist
kissed my watermelon lips
wrapped me in his arms
and I finally felt safe.
when he whispered
"I love you"
I finally believed him

singing
playing
drawing
writing
speaking
laughing
crying
smiling
frowning
loving
hating
wondering
knowing
forgetting
remembering
­hurting
healing
dancing

slit of the wrist
pop of the pills
once you do it life doesn't go back
sip of the whiskey
finger on the trigger
BAM
you're dead
are you happy now
now that its over
you sure aren't forgotten
put the knife down
put the pills in the bottle
spit the whiskey out
and release the trigger
the pain is real
I know that
but the pain for everyone else will get worst
if you say good bye to this world
so  keep your head up darling
there's no need to fear
if anything bad happens
I'll be right here
stay strong
be safe my dear
it'll all be okay
no need to shed a tear
so don't pull the trigger
or pop those pills
don't guzzle that whiskey
and don't slit your wrist

The rain dribbles on his lips
down his yellow striped tie
the moon reflects in his storm grey eyes
he looks at me with so much desire
holds the back of my salmon pink dress
pulls me closer to him
kisses me with so much wonder
the warmness of his breath against my cupids bow
The passion of our kiss as our lips continue to flow
the corners of his mouth turn upwards into a smile
Then we just stared into each others eyes for awhile
Yeah I wasn't into it