Are you proud
That I'm even your daughter
Are you proud
To know that I'm gay
Would you love me any more
If I were straight
Are you proud of what I've accomplished
Do you wish I were different
You've demolished every once of my self confidence
Do you love me
Do you regret having me
If I had left this earth
Would you want me back
You see dad
We are not that different
We talk like we are strangers
Fight and put each other in danger
And I want to make you proud
Your negatively is loud
Constantly in my head
I think of ways to die while in my bed
And you don't even care
How dare
You call me worthless
How dare
You call me ugly
How dare you sit there
And tell me everything that's wrong with who I am
And then wonder why I resent you
I've never needed to depend on you
I will travel across this earth before I call for you
You made me afraid to be myself
You made me want to **** myself
But you sit there and continue to justify your actions
I'll continue to write
Did you know that's my passion
So dad
Can you tell I'm trying to get your attention
You never gave me love or affection
You use ever excuse to put me down
Then kick me while I'm still on the ground
I just want to make you proud

You said some awful things a few weeks ago and we went our seperate ways
but let me just tell you that you are someone who deserves someone who will stay and fight for you
I want to fight for what we had because I am no where ready to give it up
I can't stand not waking up to you every morning or listening to our favorite records together on the floor in your room
I can't listen to the same songs because they don't sound the same without you here next to me
I just want you back because you became my world
So come over and stay the night and let me play those records and let me kiss your face and please let me hear that sweet voice say my name because no other voice can say it better and please look at me with those baby blues like I'm the only ******* Earth that could ever have you and please, please awake me in the morning with a kiss

dear lover,

i miss you. even though i’ve never met you, i can still feel your energy from a thousand miles away.

a face that can make men go to war for you. your smile makes time move slow, everything in the world makes sense. i find comfort in your love and warmth in your presence.

lover. i fell in love with your words, everything you uttered was. beauty personified in words. that deep energetic vibe from your soul makes me want to dance in your. elegance.

i fell in love with your mind, and i fell deep within your subconscious. a trance i was in. you’re my intellectual crush. you had me on my knees, you had me intellectually lovin’ you.

i had a dream we were both dancing to Eros’ beautiful rhythm. nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart, baby don’t think im out to hurt you. not my intention.

i fell in love with you and i never knew. falling in love with you was never my plan. but i guess it was God’s plan. we’ll never know.

even though we’ve never met. i can still remember the sound of your heartbeat, your voice so sweet like the heavens. and your movement so graceful. graceful. you’re like a Raven – innocent, beautiful, sweet.

my heart just skipped a beat.

beautiful soul. speak to me. i saw the beauty of life through you, beautiful soul. and even though we’ve never met, lover. i miss you.

you got a lotta soul, lady. that’s beautiful.

all i wanna do is admire your beauty from a distance because im afraid if i touch you. my flesh will be tempted to do all that is regarded. earthly.

i’ll prolly luh you fo’eva. let me escape through you in thought. beautiful lover. beautiful soul.

“touch me with your mind. hands are overrated & ‘soul’ is overused.”

the closest stranger i’ve never met. i became more with you. your lips i will kiss, your hips i will hold, and your love i will embrace. you have my heart. you have the key to my heart.

and the more i think of you, i miss you. even though we’ve never met, beautiful lover.

our hearts are interlocked in deep conversation. thoughts & feelings in graceful motion, love never known.

i saw us dancing under the moonlight. you wore a silk white dress with Queen Elizabeth’s crown upon your head. and me, just a man wearing a white suit with a purple rose in his chest pocket.
imagine.

and we danced in the cosmos, the stars were watching us — the sun and the moon were playing music only heard in the heavens.

dear lover. beautiful lover. beautiful soul. i love you. i miss you. even though we’ve never met.

the view
from down here
is appalling
and i fear
i will never
be among
the stars
again.
only a fool
seeks the stars.

lying in a
pool of tears
on my
commercially
friendly
beige
carpet
i know what
is not for me.
never was for me.

i remember
when all the
world and love
were young
and truth
in every
shepherd's tongue.

i remember
dreams i had
before
i came
down
here.

i
hate
it
here.

but at least
i have
truth
in my
heart.
truth is a
cold companion
it sits with
me in silence
day
after day
after
day.

music is not for me
its effects are
too overwhelming
yet i listen
anyway
mile
after mile
after
mile

day
after day
after
day
through rolling hills
sunrise and
afternoon light
windmills
stand proud
their master unseen
grasses stretch
toward the sun
leaves fall
from the trees
and i stumble
in between.

i see cows
chewing their
cud
eyes dead and
i find no
pleasure in
eating.

mile
after mile
after
mile
with truth
and lies
i fly as
fast
as i dare
just
so i
can walk
up ugly
green stairs
and try
to convince
myself
that
i
am
home.

love is not for me
though love
overwhelms me
consumes me
since my eyes
first opened
and oxygen rushed
into lungs
pen to paper
and mind
to heart
i have
loved
and loved
and
loved
and
i
cannot
stop.

i am
made of
love
but love is not for me.
it never was
for me.

nothing is for me.
nothing.

What sickens me is the thought of another person touching you in the same places that I do - or did
Did I lose or did I win? I lost you & I'm praying I wont spend another cold winter alone with only a notebook & a pen

If what we had wasn't real then I must have been right, I've been sleepwalking through this desolate wasteland I call a life
Was I wrong or was I right? Is this an illusion or was our relationship a lie? I need to know you aren't giving up on us to be able to sleep at night

Its 2:46 a.m. & I can't get ahold of you, I can't make things right