The leaves are upon the ground,
Drowning out all signs of life.
Not one sound
As everything finally dies.

I sit here with loneliness,
It's leaking into my mind.
All of my bones,
Absorb the wine.

Life is gone,
And is slowly being ****** out of me.
I am a pawn,
alone with insanity.

Making up scenarios,
Of how I wish things to be.
My imagination grows,
And takes
over a part of me.

The sky is now black,
And death fills the air.
There's no going back
For
We've already been there.

Depression, and angst,
Are all that are hear.
Your pain,
Is terribly
Near.

Happiness is a virtue,
It's impossible to attain here.
Don't let it desert you,
But
Hold it dear.

Alone with loneliness,
And I can't shake it.
Into the abyss I go,
With not a place to sit.

I wish you could read my mind
To see things from my perspective.
Here, I am always confined.
On a deeper level,
I feel we're connected.

Every little thing reminds me of you,
Because we're so **** alike.
What can I do?
I'm on fire inside.

Could you hear me out?
Just long enough for me to say,
That I love you, without a doubt,
And I wish I could convey..

My emotions.
With more than mere words.
To show you in motion,
And believe you might have heard...

My heart, from the inside out.
All of my insides,
Fluttering about.

Please,
Will you listen to me?
And maybe start to believe
the things we could be?

You mean the world to my soul.
I don't think you see that.
Let's put it on a poll
And see if you can perceive that.

I sit and think every night,
About how we could be.
I am given insight,
With a moment's worth
Of delightful grief.

We would be so perfect together,
Watching horror films.
No one could ever sever
This perfect dream, fulfilled.

Will you please be mine,
Just for one day?
You are my spine
And every little vertebrae.

You are the light ,
That guides my way.
Even if you live 1,000 Miles away,
I wouldn't mind.
I'd finally be okay.

Your embrace,
Would heal the damage that's been done.
To look you in the face,
I would have finally won...

The heart of the one,
I desire so gratefully.
The sun,
Has finally risen to complete me.

I'll sit here,
And daydream for the rest of my life.
If that's what it takes,
I will give you all my pride.

You have my heart.
Please take care of it.
There isn't a part,
Of you that would not fit.

The big picture I call my life,
and you complete me.
To you, I'll hand the knife,
Because there isn't a person I'd
Trust more.
I've fallen,
and I'm glued to the floor.  

Thank you,
For being who you are.
I don't know what I'd do,
If you were too far...

You're in my mind's reach.
That's good enough for me.
There isn't another way I'd
Gladly conceive...


The picture in my head,
Of how I wish us to be.
Can you please
Take care of my heart for me?

I've never felt so alone.
Not once in my life.
This music isn't right tone,
And all I can do is cry.

Sitting here,
Alone in my mind,
Brings on a new fear;
"Should I even try?"

I wish I had someone to hold,
To tell me it will be okay.
My life is starting to unfold.
Going back to normal?
There isn't a way.

There is no cure,
For insanity.
Do I even deserve,
My own self-pity?

Alone, I shall stay,
Until my final day.
I will decay
In this loneliness
Without a single thing to say.

Maybe love is powerful.
Maybe love isn't a waste.
If given to the wrong person,
The feeling won't be returned.
In turn, creating the opposite effect.
Regret, depression, and sadness.
If love is given to the right person,
It seems as if the world is in your hands.
Love is always misunderstood.
Love is given wrongful names because of this.
Love generates all kinds of good.
Fulfillment, happiness, and gratitude.
Love is the key to peace.
Hate is the key to war.
Love can brighten a soul.
Love should be given out aimlessly.
Love is the best gift you can give.
Love is the language we all speak.
Not with tongue, but with soul.
Love is understood by all.

Your words run through my mind,
Like a broken record.
Repeating
More, and more over time.
I use to believe in forever.
Now,
I find myself gradually losing this endeavor.

What we had
Is what I ache for.
Did you mean anything you ever said?
Quickly opened, and quickly shut.
There's no hope
For the future of this door.

Do you believe in the life we led?
I never thought I'd be alone.
I feel so empty...
Without you, I feel dead.
I'm losing hope for what's left of the "we."

I look at your photograph,
With tears forming in my eyes.
You mean so much to me.
It seems as though you left
Without a trace of goodbye.

There's not a single day you don't
Pass through my mind, and all I can pull
Myself to do is cry.
Heart-break,
Was never taken literally but
This pain in my chest...
I feel it way too deep.

The worst of it all
Is the act as though it never happened.
You'll never be there to catch me as I fall.
How can you pretend?

Those three words you whispered in my ear
Is all it took.

You're almost too good at what you do.

Too good to be true.

You had me fooled.

So,
Drown me out
In everything you're not about.

I find it so hard to feel.
You use to numb my pain
With your false words, and your false
Life,
Taken by me
All in strife.

All of these emotions.
Poem, after poem.

I haven't lost sight of my devotion.
Although your's has dimmed.
Long ago, set out in motion.

Tell me you love me,
So I can make it through another day.
Pretend to care,
And be sure to hold sway.

Feed me the false hope, of our false
Future together.
I'd rather hear the distortion,
Then try to come to terms with the actual,
Unholy proportion.

My mind tells me to stand clear,
But my heart is louder
And tells me to stay near.

Please, come closer.
I can almost feel your breath.
Extend your arms, reach for my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could stand...
On my own again.
All alone.
Can we just pretend?
For I haven't grown,
I'm stuck in this single space.
I can no longer keep up with the pace.

Layer, after layer
Emotions run high.
I fell in love with a player.
No chance for goodbye.

Pretend to live,
Pretend to love.
Start from scratch,
All over again.
Begin again.
All alone.
All  over again.
Can we pretend?

We were all created by some higher power.
All religion agrees with this idea,
They just give it a different name.
We are all sent into this life.
Some sick version of a game.
Or maybe life has a purpose.
Everyone at some point has asked or wondered about it.
We each have a different answer.
But like so many other ideas,
The question of meaning has never been answered.
Has anyone thought that maybe,
Maybe this is suppose to remain a mystery?
I've read in a variety of texts that
Life has many paths to be followed,
And we'd get plenty hurt along the way.
Tell me, when you've lost all faith,
Are you suppose to feel any emotion?
We all have in some form,
Lost our way...
Along the way...
I just can't seem to find
The right way back.
For on the many paths of life are detours.
Such as love,
Which can both deceive and hurt us.
We will gain many "friends"
Along the journey.
While some will hold our hands,
And others will stab us in the back.
Our materialistic ways,
We will slowly lose,
And realize we are more than just a mere body.
No matter what I do,
No matter how much I seem to learn
I find myself wandering off the path
Each and every day,
Longing to be a stray.
Maybe that's the way things should be.
Maybe there arn't really set paths,
And I'm just wasting my time.
Searching, and countless hours of seeking.
Set on sort of permanent repeat.

Is there something more?
Constant analyzing,
Searching.
What am I doing this for?

The drive,
Inside my mind
Keeps me confined.
But,
At the same time,
makes me realize.

Going beyond what's already known,
To try and find a purpose.
Constant analyzing has shown,
That this is really worth it.

Stepping outside of all that I am,
seeking realization of "The Greater Plan."
Opening myself to new perspective,
and riding the spiral of self.

The meaning of life is what
We make it.
To find it,
We've got to dig deeper into the pit.

We are together in this.
Connected on another level.
But,
All the bias
Has you afraid of the devil.

Step out,
And do't be afraid.
Look,
At what can be made.

With nothing to lose,
But yourself to gain.
Step out of it,
And into your shadow.
...Every answer you seek...
Ride the spiral,
At its peak.

Trust me,
And you will realize.
Trust me,
And open your eyes.
Trust me,
And no longer will you be paralyzed.
Trust me,
And jump on the current of life.

The dogs,
They howl.
A warning sign
To The believers.
The planets shift,
Changing everything.
Natural disasters,
The elders foretold.
Have you seen enough yet?


The dogs,
They howl.
All in due time,
We'll regret even trying.
We'll regret everything.
Didn't the anti-Christ tell you?
Salvation is too far to grasp.
Chose a side.
As the river leads,
The sky bleeds
Raining death upon the remainder.


The dogs,
They howl.
At nothing,
Sometimes it seems.
Locked in the church
With demons raging hatred outside your doorway.
Ancient myths prove to be right.
Where's your scholar now?
The unknown is what we fear the most.
If only we'd believe them.

The dogs,
They howl.
Maybe next time,
You should open your ears.
Exposing your mind won't get you far.
No one will listen.....

There is a brown envelope
Where I keeps my words.
Waiting to develop
into something more.

My emotions
Locked away in a bag.
My devotion
Taking a drag.

My life,
My drug.
The Knife,
The slug.

My true feelings,
This paper knows.
Everything about me,
With nowhere to go.

But here.
Staying locked inside.
There is no fear.
I know this is how I will die.

Me, myself, and I.
This pen and paper, when I cry.
Sometimes I wonder who'll even care
That I write about my life.

The clouds are getting closer
With every breath
I take.
And stepping outside,
Brings a fear
I can't fake.
I started walking
Down the
Old gravel
Path,
Headed to
The place where
We would share
A laugh.
I sit, to think;
You come across
My mind.
Summer's come
To pass...
The clouds are getting closer
With every breath,
I take.
You've gone
Back home,
Some distance
Away.
Not having you here,
Is tearing me down
To the
Bone.
At least
I know
Down this old gravel path,
We would lay
And watch the stars
Enveloped into
An illuminate bath.
As I lay here alone
And reminisce
With your presence
Gone
And
Distant.
You left behind,
A sense of
Dissonance.
With no one to call
My own,
I will be waiting for you when
Summer
Rolls around.
All alone.
As for now,
I'm staying
Home-bound.
For my love,
Has finally
Gone
Away.
I will make sure to
Stand
By
You,
Day-to-day.
I'll stay and
Wait.
For However long
It will take.
The clouds are getting closer,
With every breath I take.
And stepping outside brings a fear I can't fake.

I can't write.
This emotion is too complex to convey.
With you out of sight,
There isn't an easy way.

To express my emotions,
And how I truly feel.
This motion,
Is becoming so real.

Letting my mind wander.
It always leads back to you.
As I sit and ponder,
You haven't a single clue.

I am hurt on the inside
And my heart is broken.
To sit here and cry
With no words spoken.

This pen and paper are all I know.
Subconsciously expressing,
Continuous growth.
This is too depressing,
But I can't let it show.

I will sit here and write,
Until the day,
I wither up and die.
There isn't any other way
I know how to live my life.

No matter,
How bad I'm hurt
Or what you say,
This paper
Won't leave me astray.

So writing is what I have,
And it will never leave my side.
Answering my questions,
Healing the scabs.
Writing is here,
To hold me when I cry.

My life, and my soul
Are in this.
No matter how cold,
Or treacherous the abyss,
I always do this
Without a single miss.

Whenever I,
Need to cry,
Or feel as if I want to die,
This pen will always stay true,
Of expressing my emotions to you.

The days pass like weeks.
The minutes like snow,
Freezing cold.
Time just wouldn't pass.
I looked in your eyes,
And was taken by surprise
When I got lost
And couldn't find my way home.
You said
"Thought is just a concept, and that's where we're at now. Just take my hand."
Then,
We left.
We've grown apart,
These few years.
We'll never look back,
Or shed a single tear.
I use to like you,
But love is such a strong word.
Let's throw it in the fire,
And watch it burn.
I'm sorry but we can't go on.
This is the end of our rope.
Time to be gone.
Love is so strong.
It's not what was ours.
A short summer fling
Is all you'll ever mean to me.
Years have passed.
The days like weeks.
The seasons have changed,
And so have we.
I still have the letters you wrote,
and pictures you've sent.
In a box on the top shelf,
Where they are meant.
I burned the love.
Shattered all hope.
Things have changed,
And that's how they'll stay.
The little good,
We can at least say;
"Our summer's occupied."
But that's all
That remained.
We'll think
"What if?"
But things can't be changed.
You don't mean a thing to me,
And that's how it'll stay.
I said,
You don't mean a thing to me,
And that's how it will stay.

I have this bottle of wine,
And no sleep.
You're all that's on my mind
And it's you,
I wish I could keep.

My heart is in my hands,
But you're too far to reach it.
I wish you could understand
Without your defenses.

I know I hurt you,
And I regret every second of it.
What can I do,
To prove this love is meant?

To be for us,
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Can we please discuss
What our hearts have to say?

You are too far for me to grasp,
Just out of reach.
Let's let go of our past.
I'll give the opening speech.

I love you,
And we're meant to be together..
I wish there was something I could do
To show you this burning fervor.

We're perfect for each other,
And I don't think you can see.
How this has occurred
And how much you really mean to me.

I'll keep drinking my wine,
While writing about how I feel.
My spine is aching.
I think I'm done with this confession...
This is unreal.
My heart is breaking,
And I have no destination.

I sit alone and think of you for hours
Wishing you were here to hold me.
But instead, upon myself I devour,
The idea of what I think is meant to be.