different place,
different boy,
same me. got wasted
again, and i felt so lost
but somehow i ended up
in the exact same spot.
a tree, a boy, and me.
the only way to go was
up, and so i climbed.
you watched and waited
and when i jumped, i
felt you against me.
it was like i had no
weight, the way you held
me. and again there were
no feelings but all
i needed was your body
heat against mine.

i saw a boy with
cuts all down
his arms, and i fell in
love a little bit.
and i couldn't help
but want to fix him,
even though i've come
to realize that i can't
even fix myself.

i wanted to to press our lips
                                       into a pent-up swollen kiss.
this isn't what i wanted....
                                                      i wanted you.
i wish the cravings would
                                               stop. 3 A.M. needs are no good
for me.


                                    is there a stronger word than i miss you?

been lying in bed for days,
skipping class and looking at
razors. can't help but feel
like the bad times are back
again and i don't know if i'm
cut out for this. been looking
in the mirror and all i see
is a girl of glass and i think
i might break this time.
constant headaches make
sleeping easy and living hard.
i don't know what to do right
now but i know that i can't
keep going like this.

it was nice while it lasted
but i guess you figured out
that it was best to stay
away from me, since
i'm nothing but shallow
water left on the bathroom floor
and you are an ocean
twenty leagues deep.
you dreamed that i'd dive straight
into you, not looking back,
but both of us knew that
i wouldn't be able to
breathe at the bottom.

it was awhile ago when i started
walking through the woods.
i had a red cape and a basket

filled with candy as sweet as
i am. a big bad wolf
found me and he followed

my footsteps through the brambles
and he was undeterred by
cuts from thorns.

i smiled and let him believe
i was his. but really,
he was mine. and when he was ready

to swallow me whole,
i shot him
in the heart.

i was fourteen
when you kissed me
in a ditch. you had a
girlfriend and i had
a problem but it didn't matter.
the party was quiet
and everybody knew who
we were as you dragged me
toward the woods and i giggled
like you were a boy band
and i had a VIP pass.
we kissed in the dark
and i never once thought
that you wouldn't want to
look at me in the daylight.
i never once thought that
three days later you would hit
me so hard that my teeth
rattled or that you would
tell me that my legs, built like
twigs, were logs or that you
would look down on me
and call me a *****.
i was fourteen.
i'd been hungry for love
for years and you only starved me
more. kept me in the corner
and gave me scraps when you
were finished. i wanted you
and you wanted to hurt me so
i let you.
i was fourteen.