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13.9k · Oct 2014
fuckboy
Charlotte Oct 2014
pick up your snapback on your
way out, and use your cheap ***
compliments on the next girl. you played
your game but i played it
better. you asked me to make you
a sandwich, so i gave you
the finger. all you said was
when and where, so i’ll show you
the door. since you're not worth
the bedroom, especially when
i already have a jackhammer.
10.2k · Aug 2013
i'm flirting with a boy
Charlotte Aug 2013
i'm flirting with a boy
for the sole reason
that i am desperately lonely
and i want the attention
that he is so willing to give me
i'm flirting with a boy
because it makes me feel wanted
and that is a feeling
that you forgot to give me
long ago
i'm flirting with a boy
and i think i'll break his heart
not because i want to
but because you do not want me
2.8k · May 2013
Cemetery
Charlotte May 2013
Creep through the roses
Who is there but me?
Everyone else is dead
Snatching at my roses
Rotten flesh, shells of flowers
Something isn't right here.
2.8k · Feb 2014
to the fraternity boy
Charlotte Feb 2014
you don't know.
you think that was fighting?
you think that was passion?
lies, all lies
all teenage flirting
that was nothing compared to
the heat that i've known
the pain that i've known
when it comes to
loving someone.
you think those little insults
were mean?
you know nothing of me
and what i have done for love
and what love has done
to me.
2.7k · Jan 2013
Primrose
Charlotte Jan 2013
You looked at me as if I were a
primrose
A delicate flower
with tiny petals
opening up to you
with little thorns to ***** you with
when you make me angry
You plucked me up
away from the sun
and the moon
and the sky
and my little primrose friends
You put me in an expensive vase,
caring for me the best you could.
But sometimes you go away,
and alone
I am wilting
2.1k · May 2013
Rape
Charlotte May 2013
fear
agony
humiliation
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
pain
silence
2.0k · Jul 2013
whore
Charlotte Jul 2013
i am your *****
and i'm craving you again
you fill me up
until all i can do is cry
and take it
like a good little girl
but isn't the whole point
that i am not a good girl
i am your *****
and we like it that way
1.9k · Aug 2013
Going shopping
Charlotte Aug 2013
I'm going shopping
For a boy with a smile
That can melt the ice in me
I'm going shopping
For a boy who can hold
My pain that's grown so heavy
I'm going shopping
And looking all around
For a boy who will pick me up
Whenever I fall down
I'm going shopping
With my big shopping cart
For a boy out there somewhere
Who will take care of my heart
1.6k · May 2013
obsession
Charlotte May 2013
you have ruined me for everyone else
every text, i think is you
every call
every "notification"
every doorbell, every knock,
every word belongs to you
you have ruined me for everyone else
or perhaps,
you've ruined everyone else
for me.
1.4k · Feb 2014
a love gone cold
Charlotte Feb 2014
i remember when we smiled
through the phones
and we wondered
what it'd be like
to hold each other close--
and it was such a far away dream
of a happiness
that i had never known
and when i saw you
standing
real and tall
your skin,
dark to my pale,
caressed the bracelets of scars
i wore as badges
of honor
and you held me
like i was something precious,
a feeling i'd never known
and it all just felt so real
and endless
and i closed my eyes wide
to all your faults
just to keep that feeling
for a little bit longer
and you smiled and held me
clinging to my skin and
to the thoughts
of a future
that we would never have
and now snippets pass before my eyes
of years later
like the snips upon my wrist
the same wrist that you kissed
the wrist that now
wears a bracelet of your name
etched into a scabbed memory
of screams and decay
of a once first love.
but there was still a day
where these carvings weren't real
and all that mattered was your eyes
finding mine
and for a moment
in your arms,
i was warm.
1.4k · Jun 2013
the trump card lie
Charlotte Jun 2013
i've told ten thousand lies today
and each one came out rough
this poker table of life will
sooner or later call me bluff
but each lie turned out well, it seems
since no one questioned my word
i laid them down like playing cards
and the guilt inside me purred
there are still tears around my eyes
and an ache inside my gut
but there's nothing anyone can do
with their eyes closed wide shut
i've told ten thousand lies today
yes, this much is true
but none were close to the one you told
when you whispered "I love you."
1.3k · Jan 2013
By Your Side I'll Stay
Charlotte Jan 2013
If you were to die
I'd whisper
"Bury me away
with you."
If you were to take the train
And ride,
far away
I'd whisper
"Carry me away
with you."
And if you were
sitting in a jail cell
with nothing but the clothes
on your back
I would sit with you
and whisper
"I've never felt richer
than when I have you by my side."
Carry me away,
bury me away
Leave me in toil and trouble
In a rotting, swollen mess
of pain and misery
and if I am with you
I will smile still
Charlotte Oct 2014
wear the same perfume
every day. make sure that
it's in all of the stores, and
that perfume ladies use it
in the door ways at the mall.
make sure that
his pillow will smell like you
long after you're gone.

hold his pinky finger
instead of his whole hand
and then, whenever
someone makes him a promise,
he'll remember your palm
on the smallest part of him.

make sure to tell him your favorite
movies, and books and songs, too.
so that every time he goes
to the store, or reads, or turns on the radio...
he'll hear you whispering in his ear.

when you go (and you will),
leave without a trace
and keep him wondering
because without an ending,
a story lasts forever.
1.1k · Feb 2013
to explain love
Charlotte Feb 2013
In the face of beauty, I am breathless,
And I am asthmatic around you
My heart leaping from my body
Determined to cross paths with the one it loves.
My heart will leave my body
To climb into another
To snuggle deep within your chest
And say "I love you."
Awakening me and
Feelings long forgotten
The feelings I had for you.
I don't want to forget
secrets
late nights
whispers
of love
and comfort
agony in the most blissful way
imaginable.
I remember love
as if he is an old friend
he sings me to sleep
with promises of you.
and with you i know
fireworks
passion
warmth
flowers and grass
the breeze playing with my hair
the may air suffocating me
with happiness
The curtains conducting
a song of love
with the breeze and the birds chirping
Can you feel it?
can you feel me next to you
clutching, clinging, caring?
caring so much i could break.
fireworks fill my heart with
flowers and Easter eyes
the rebirth of love
seeds planted in my chest
a chain of daisies around my lungs.
a tree forms in my stomach
and the branches seem to quiver
in the may air
the sun kisses us
almost the way you kiss me
and we laugh together
swinging upward toward the sky
the may air is everywhere
and i am breathless in love
1.0k · Jan 2013
i want in uranus
Charlotte Jan 2013
we are studying space
and teacher says
it is important stuff,
but i cannot think
of anything except
your eyes
and the way they sparkle
brighter than the stars
and larger than the moon
and how they are
more important to me
than the sun could ever be
1.0k · Feb 2013
lolita
Charlotte Feb 2013
hush my perfect baby
hush my little girl
i am here and you are too
and we can finally begin

you kiss me with your eyes
i see you
you tempt me with your smile
i know you do

perfect curls
perfect eyes
freckles are not blemishes
rather, beauty marks
galore

you're not the sun
because
your radiance is not meant for all
you are the moon
whispering sweet nothings to me
in the middle of the night

i will make you a full moon
i will make you glow
and you will wink
and smile,
curling your lips in a smirk
and say
"am i too young to feel this way?"

you know what my answer will be
Charlotte Aug 2013
i remember that you liked dodge
and that you thought my chevy was dumb
but i never really cared about cars
so i never really paid attention
and i think you thought that maybe i didn't care
about what you preferred
i remember that you said that when you were little
you said you wanted to marry the little mermaid
and since i'm not a lot like her
i never really said anything about it
and maybe you thought that
i didn't care
i remember when you said you wanted to travel the world
and join the peace corps for a few months
and it upset me because
i missed you all the time
as it was
and i got more than a little upset
and maybe you thought
that i wanted to control you
i remember when you told me
your dream was to be in a band
but composing would be your back up
and i got so scared
and the fear led to hurt
and anger
maybe you thought that i didn't want you to be happy
maybe you thought that i was trying to turn you into
something you weren't
but i wasn't
i swear
you left to make a life on your own
one that you could be happy with
since you thought i didn't care
about what you wanted
and that i didn't remember
the little things about you
but i do
i want to be your little mermaid
traveling the oceans with you
and the land too
on feet made of gold
while we make music together
with our laughter
you stopped believing in me
thinking that i stopped believing in you
but
i do believe
i do care
i do remember
Charlotte Jan 2013
Paper bones form paper hearts
Cut out with child-sized scissors
And winter days are here to stay
Her heart is covered in blizzards

No one can help her
Because no one knows
Why her heart is beating
Amongst heavy snows

Fragile is as fragile does
And she certainly takes the cake
Metaphorically, of course, because
Literally would be a mistake

Paper hearts form paper dreams
Never to jump off the page
And she can't seem to jump at all
Her body has become a cage

Not losing weight, just losing time
At least that's how it seems
She's smashing mirrors and smashing plates
Thrown in a pile of smashed dreams

Paper dreams form concrete thoughts
Of ending it all one day
In fact, why later, why not now?
She doesn't have a reason to stay

Can't run, can't walk, can't nothing but sleep
Can't scream, can't cry, can't nothing but keep
Empty while her body is begging but she can't eat
To live at all is an enormous feat
Never leaving her alone until she sleeps

Endless sleep forms paper dreams
Of people and things she'll never see
As paper thin as her naked form
Her pale skin threatening to pop hipbones free

Hair is falling, teeth are yellow
As she kisses the cold, hard metal
Skeletal figure stumbles forward
This plan is turning fatal

She begs her paper heart to beat no more
She begs for her release
"My paper bones formed paper dreams,
I wish to be deceased."

This endless winter has to stop
This never ending quest to be thin
Slender hands and hollow cheeks
Drenched in her red sin
996 · Nov 2013
under the blacklight
Charlotte Nov 2013
filthy girl
why would anyone
ever
love
you?
there are *** stains on your sheets
just like the remnants nestled
in your hair
i do not understand
why your eyes still well up
when he leaves right after
why haven't you realized that
he doesn't love you?
yes,
you are pretty
and you can fool them all
in the daylight
he sees you with your friends
and you think that he admires you
just like everyone else does
you pretty, pretty girl
pure as the snow
and you think you have fooled him
so you smile
with your teeth so
pearly white.
but guess what?
your stains are clearly visible
under the blacklight,
and
he
will
always
know
Charlotte May 2013
Rubber bands, rubber bands
pull them back and they burn my skin
but isn't it better
than digging in?
969 · Nov 2013
Sometimes it takes awhile.
Charlotte Nov 2013
It started out with one
"I love you," said he.
She said, "I love you, too.
It'll always be you and me."

And yet, as often is the case
He was soon on his way
Out the door, he left her
Once there was nothing left to take.

It took awhile for the second
To convince her to let him in
And she was right to worry
Since he left right after, fin.

It soon turned into three
'Cause that's when she stopped believing
She let him in, saying, screaming--
"Oh, please, just stop my grieving."

But that was too much pressure
And he was ill-equipped
To deal with such a girl
So sad, alone, and whipped.

So three faded into four
But he was nothing but mean
He did not love her, not one bit
And the things he did, obscene.

Five tried to save her
Oh yes, he truly tried
But she was much too broken
And sadly, their love died

Six is the devil's number
And there's a good reason why
He used her face as a cutting board,
Now she can't look him in the eye.

Seven could have been her everything
He was her greatest maybe
But neither of them were ready,
Torn apart by an unborn baby

Eight was a late night mistake
Fueled by drunken lust
Though in the morning, she denied it,
He was her needful, solid must.

Eight told nine about her
And he was rather struck
Nine was one of those guys,
The ones who only want to ****

And though she told him no
He simply didn't care
She was quiet, she was still
She pretended she wasn't there.

Ten came rushing in
He saw her eyes and scars
And he said, "There is no yours or mine,
There is only ours."

But she wasn't ready
And their love began to falter
By the time she wore her dress of white
She was fleeing from the altar

But eleven understood her past
She told him more each night
And he promised to be there
And help her put things right.

He waited patiently every day
For her to settle in
For her to remember who she was
Before she attempted to love him.

She remembered back to the days before
The days of one through ten
She realized there was more to her
Than to be an object of men

She started painting every day
She started baking pies
And in the process of filling up her world
She opened up her eyes.

She started to believe in herself
She managed to look in the mirror
She knew that she was worth something
And she stopped living in fear.

Eleven waited patiently
He held her hand when she cried
And she helped him with his demons, too.
She called him out when he lied

Their life together was not perfect
Love never really is
But it was something completely new
It was both hers and his

She never forgot about her demons
But she discovered she could forgive
She could make amends with her past
She could fight her sadness, she could live.

She kissed him softly every night
And he held her close each day
Their story is the living proof
That everything will be okay.
955 · Dec 2013
eyes
Charlotte Dec 2013
july 1st, 2010
when your eyes met mine
for the very first time
i could not breathe
and every look at you
that i stole
made me feel like
i was alive
for the very first time

july 21st, 2010
i found you again
i steal your eyes
pin them with mine
there is someone between us
but it is as if he was not there
you leaned on me
and i leaned on you
and there was love
hanging in the dusty air

january 15th, 2011
i see your eyes
they crave mine
they whisper to me
"run away, run away"
i see your eyes
and they crave mine
and i do not know
what will come of this
but i do know
that nothing
will ever
be
the same.

may 13th-14th, 2011
your eyes are begging me
and mine are pulling you in
your brain pushes away,
runs away
but my heart emanates
a force so strong that
you come to me in the end
and together
we ***

june 16th, 2011
this is heaven
this is bliss
this is everything
i ever imagined
and more
you are everything
i imagined
and more
did i die
and go
to heaven?

and then came
two years of
ups and downs
and side to side
we are everything
and nothing
at the same time
we fight too much
and make up too quickly
no one was ever as lucky
as i was
to have you
in my heart

the silence

love is dead
and i am too

september 19th-22nd, 2013
here we are
trying to start anew
we try and try
but the passion
cannot be replaced.
the eyes that once tugged at mine
seem so empty inside
the eyes that shone with love
now barely spark
at all

and now it is december
and i'm trying to remember
and
the days whir by
one after another
here we are
and we are still
together
we can kiss
and touch
and ****
and yet
when i look into
your eyes
all i see is
mistrust
all i taste is
sadness
all i want is
love
but all i feel is
alone.
932 · Jul 2013
deviant
Charlotte Jul 2013
make me a ****
**** me up
make me believe
i'm not worth anything
i can be your *****
if you promise not to leave
i'll let you ***
all over me
close your eyes
and it's me you'll see
lying beneath you
while you're crying out
in ecstasy
heaving chest,
naked breast
don't believe in what they say
they don't see what we do in the dark
they don't hear what you ask of me
and they don't see my response
i'll get on my knees
and i'll beg the way you like
you'll never find another *****
like me
930 · Feb 2013
Crave
Charlotte Feb 2013
to need; desire.
the feeling of perfect bliss
just out of your reach
886 · May 2013
Eye For an Eye
Charlotte May 2013
Little ****** had her work cut out for her
But she did her best
To break him down
Turn him into something
That she could use
To destroy herself

If only it hadn't worked
Quite so well
Maybe she could have had him
For a little bit longer.
Charlotte Jan 2013
The sullen day was over
And the children all asleep in bed
There was no one around
Just you and me.
You came towards me
Moving with a smooth sense of purpose
A sweetness not always present
A hunger for love

You drew deep into the well of me
Opened my eyes and other parts too
I clung to you, lost in the ride
You crawled in me

So perfect was your face
So gentle was your grace
You held me down with love
And I breathed you in
Anyone can love you
But not the way I do
Anyone could have you
But not the way that I do
The sweetness in your eyes
Could never lie
Charlotte Aug 2013
before you attempt to date me
i want you to know
that though i may be beautiful
and though i may smile at the right moments,
i am nothing but
someone addicted to love.
and that i can put on a show
that will be given nothing but 10/10
but please remember that that's all it is:
a show.
because there has already been someone
where you want to go
there has been someone
(who is a stranger to you)
who has kissed my scars
and told me he would marry me.
he has made me ***
four times in forty seconds,
but i promise i won't compare.
even if he did wear magnums
and go down on me
every time i asked
(no, i promise i won't compare)
but anyway,
the reason i bring this up
is that nothing you do will be new to me
and you can think you're good
and you can try and change my mind
but you won't.
and i can honestly say that i don't think you'll try all that hard
because i am a sad girl
and boys get tired of those
faster than they'll admit.
(god, do i know)
they would rather date someone
who will give them what they need
and be nice and sweet and lovely
than be with someone like me
who craves love
the way addicts crave
their next pick me up
someone like me
who cuts her skin for fun
just to see the blood
run down my arm
and feel something other than
him.
inside my head
my heart
every part of me
pushing whatever is left of me out
letting him just take over,
****** every thought.
i simply cannot forget
the love that we had
so if you want to date me
go ahead.
but i just want you to know
that it will never just be you and me
no matter what you do
there will always be three.
856 · Aug 2013
sixteen forever
Charlotte Aug 2013
sixteen forever
craving nothing but
skin to skin
mind to mind
heart to heart
staring in your eyes
and seeing forever
seeing nothing but
the sun
craving everything you've never had before
and maybe will never have again
sixteen forever
tearing down your walls
burning all your bridges
and refusing to become what they want
nothing standing in your way
craving love and nothing more
no fear of the future
just fear of the night ending
because when you're sixteen forever
you feel infinity
and your heart smiles
through the tears
because nothing can stand in your way
nothing can hurt you for more than a moment
because you're brave and you're young
and you're free
close your eyes and remember
when you were sixteen forever
your heart is open
your eyes are wide
your light is blinding
and unstoppable
forever is real
forever is now
forever is in your reach
and you take it
unflinchingly
i want to be
sixteen forever.
831 · Aug 2013
words
Charlotte Aug 2013
i fall in love
with people i can't see
i fall in love with the words
that they place inside of me
if you want to taste me
i'll let you take a bite
only if your words
turn me on just right
words make me blush
they make me smile bright
they turn me from an angel
into a **** at night
words stringed together
in the most perfect way
can make me want to marry you
and be yours alone someday
words place themselves inside of me
and they spread from head to toe
when you tell me how i'm perfect
it's hard for me to say no
but trust me when i say
that i believe every phrase
anything you whisper
will leave me latched on for days
your words made me perfect,
in love and quite insane
and ever since you took them back
they've haunted me in their refrain
Charlotte Feb 2013
there's disgust in my eyes
and i can't breathe
his mom comes in
and sees
the bongs and the cigs
and fourteen year old girls
and a fourteen year old boy
and a twenty year old man
and me
she smiles and closes the door
and i can't breathe
because this is normal here
and she got high with them last night
and she probably will again
when i'm long gone
and i can't believe this is your life
and i feel sick to my stomach
and it has nothing to do
with the skunk in the air
but with the "mother" downstairs
and the deadbeats,
the broken,
and the painfully innocent
up here
810 · Jan 2013
What the Bad Girls Do
Charlotte Jan 2013
I am a good girl
This I swear
I won't change ever
I would not dare
I am the good girl
Yes I am
When bad things happen
Just say, "Don't think I can."
I am the nice girl
Yes, indeed
I don't act out
I'm not guilty of greed
I am a nice girl
Through and through
That is, I was
Until I met you
and
then
i
was
bad                                                   bad                                                      bad
                   not                                                  sad
not                               evil
but i did things
that
maybe
i                                                        shouldn't                                   have
at least,
i did things
that    
good                                  girls                                      don't                                                                   do.
nothing made
sense
nothing was prim
nothing was proper
i was free
living like a                              rebel
and when i am with you
everyone says
"Look! There goes a bad girl
There's an example of what
you
shouldn't
do."
Well,
take it from
me
because I
was once a good girl too
do it
whatever you want to do
do it for the rush
do it for the screams
do it before it's just another dream
do it for love
for the strange sensation of                         guilt and pleasure
rolled into one
because, darling
when you're through
you won't be a good girl
or a bad girl
you'll just be you
Charlotte Oct 2014
so was our touch half as sacred as i made it seem,
or just another fabrication of a half-dream?*
                                          -- The Most Beautiful Bitter Fruit, La Dispute

i miss you. the way you looked at me
so tenderly, when all i could
do was slam against you

and life. i've been known to make things
up in my head, to make them mean more
than they do in reality.

but i swear this was real.
it was a pounding in my
chest, it was a razor on my

wrist. now it's words i never said,
but wished i could.
i miss you like a thorn

in my side that held me
together, moment to moment,
heartbeat to heartbeat.

i just miss you.
808 · Oct 2013
hearts filled with ash
Charlotte Oct 2013
the house burned down
with me inside
you were gone
and i was left behind
you lit the flames
locked the door
and let the smoke cloud over me
you were gone
and i was left so far behind
your eyes were stained glass windows
cracking
they burst in the heat
you ran away and
the house came down
on top of me
you were gone
and i was left far behind
and i gathered up the ashes
and swallowed them whole
i wondered if they'd help me
find your soul.
you came back
bearing flowers bathed in ashes
to this desolate lot
and there was nothing left but me
trying to pick up pieces
too small to even see
trying in vain
to put the house back together,
the house of you and me
but everything was buried in gray
and it stained my soul
you came back
to where you left me
and i was still there digging
still there singing your song
but you had picked a new tune
that did not cause the heat
to burn up inside you
you tried to touch me
the way you used to
but it was then that we learned
that i was still on fire
and that you still could not bear to touch me
you stayed there
solemnly
when you had a moment to spare
to come to my gray tomb
my ancient, hallowed burial grounds
of you and me
the house is gone
the fire has long since burned out
but i still carry it inside me
and it makes me painful to touch
you come back sometimes
and i let you stay close
but i still burn you,
and i know
that the day will come
when you will not return
and i'll still remain here
picking up the ashes
of a love lost longer ago
than i'd like to admit
and you will walk away
cold as ice
but the fire will never burn out
in my mind
our house burned down
with me inside
you were gone
and i was left far behind
806 · Feb 2013
Virgin
Charlotte Feb 2013
are you
or are you not?
who really
gives
a
****
Charlotte Feb 2013
Our love is a divorce court’s dream
And court is now in session
The judge and jury as a team
Will try and teach us a lesson

The former leers down and speaks
“What evidence have you brought?”
“She doesn’t make sense, and she’s sad for weeks.”
You respond without a thought

“He’s angry and horrible, and just plain mean!”
I manage to say to the jury
“She’s a *****.” “He’s vile.” “Her clothes are obscene!”
We fill the room up with fury

Our love may be a divorce court’s dream, but I guess it’ll have to wake up,
For it only takes a moment’s time for us to kiss and make up
796 · Aug 2014
angel eyes
Charlotte Aug 2014
blue eyes meet mine
and i know there is something
hidden behind covert glances
and accidental touches
and i have to struggle
to remember the reason i am
here. and it is not
to stare at your lips
and hope that you
have thought about
mine. i tried to stay
away from you, but i am not
good at counting my
blessings. i've been known
to take more
than my fair share
and pretend that i am
painfully innocent,
with wide eyes and curls
that make angels jealous.
but truth be told, i am
no such angel, and
i lusted at first sight
and carried your name,
a devil's flame, bursting
into my heart. the dark nights were
brightened and i hoped
that i could use
my ways to make you
fall, trip down into my
rabbit's hole. i didn't mean
for it to go this far
but then, maybe i did.
since there's something
inside of me, an ache i cannot
name, that has left me feeling
reckless and restless.
but i'll try to remain
in control, the angel in
the rabbit's hole, and i will
keep you and me and this at bay
even as the desire to let
go overwhelms me.
783 · Feb 2013
Haze
Charlotte Feb 2013
i'm writing poems
you may never see
because they'd hurt your feelings
and break your heart
but i love you
until i can't anymore
(which is never, of course)
and you'll love me
with or without
a hazy cloud of smoke
dancing around your head
and i will stick around
and wave the cloud away
and gently kiss
your forehead
781 · Feb 2013
The Only One
Charlotte Feb 2013
i love you and i'll never stop
and when the going gets tough
i will think of you and smile
and when they call me a ****
and make-believe my honesty for promiscuity
you and i will know
that it was only ever you and me
i will look at them
and i'll be filled with disdain
and i will light the candle in my heart
for my far away lover
who is the only one who will ever have me
and i will say what i want
and do as i please
and they will talk about me
and you will love me still
772 · Mar 2013
Nostalgic Light
Charlotte Mar 2013
So selfish
No one but me
and you
I've lost it, I've lost it
find me again
hold me close
don't let me go
it's been so long
and my feelings are waning
but i love you, i love you
can't we repeat the past?
Gatsby's green light is glowing
in my eyes
i want you to want me
the way you did
and i want to want you
the way i did
when the green light
was still bright
when every second meant us
and every truth meant love
757 · Feb 2013
i didn't cut myself today
Charlotte Feb 2013
i didn't cut myself today
are you proud?
are you going to pat me on the back
and say,
"good job"?
are you going to smirk and say
"i told you that you could control it."
are you going to eye my wrist
and heave a huge sigh of relief
and treat me very carefully?
are you going to give me a reward i don't want?
i didn't starve myself today
are you going to thank me profusely
and give me yummy foods to eat in front of you?
are you going to hug me and say
"darling, you look so healthy!"
i didn't hurt myself today
my body is healing
and you are pleased
you treat me so delicately
or so nonchalantly
as if everything i do
is either a huge accomplishment
or nothing at all
but
that's not what i need right now.
i need to say
"i didn't cut myself today"
and i need you to look at me
and kiss me
and tell me
that even if i had
you would still be here
kissing me
Charlotte May 2013
she wears a cross around her neck
and spreads her legs.
afterward,
she smiles
because
she is still better than you
how does it feel?
747 · Jul 2013
uncertainty to insanity
Charlotte Jul 2013
there is a chance that i may never hear you voice again
and it is that chance that makes me pick up a cigarette
for the first time
there is a chance that i may never see your face again
and it is that chance that makes me wipe tears from my eyes
every single night
there is a chance that i may never feel your love again
and it is that chance that makes me pick up a knife
for the very last time
695 · May 2013
The Transition of a Virgin
Charlotte May 2013
he looks at her
and she recoils
her bright, nervous eyes
scanning his body
as if she has a
test on it
and she must memorize.
she takes shallow breaths,
teeny, tiny breaths
unable to bring the air
back to her lungs
she doesn't want this
but what can she do
but agree
in exchange for love?
he does not smile
with his eyes
instead he falls down on her
causes her pain
and she closes her eyes
in grief
as he takes her away
685 · Aug 2013
unafraid
Charlotte Aug 2013
knives are angry
and they shine
menacingly
guns are loud
and toxic
to society
ropes burn heavily
they snap
and send me tumbling
down to earth
where i no longer want to be.
death is scary
but cliffs are not
mountains
bridges
looking over an endless blue sky
and maybe an ocean or two
majestic and beautiful
free and unafraid
i am not afraid of heights
so when i want to die
i will fly away
in happiness
step off of the ground
containing me
and into the world unknown
into the deep, shining blue
and i will die
unafraid
678 · Nov 2013
in the quiet
Charlotte Nov 2013
i find hearts
and i sneak inside
doesn't matter who they belong to.
in the quiet
i lie in wait
of a man
who i can breathe in--
i don't care who he belongs to.
i smile my secret smile
and i beckon them in
one by one--
no matter who they belong to.
i whisper from afar
declarations of love
tempting them, pressing them
doesn't matter who they belong to
in the quiet
i sit and bleed
names run red across my arm
i don't care who they belong to
i don't learn lessons
i don't remember mistakes
just keep on pushing ahead
i don't care that they belong to
people.
people with feelings
people who are not me
and then i realize
that i hope one day
i outgrow my psychopathic ways
and i remember who they belong to
but at the same time
as i sit here
in the quiet
waiting for
my turn
i wonder...
who do i belong to?
662 · Jul 2013
your bedroom walls
Charlotte Jul 2013
blue walls
white clouds
a tree goes up
to the ceiling
i remember
this sacred place
as well as i
remember your face
you were a man
of wilderness
you made me believe
that i was the jane
to your tarzan
even though really
i was nothing but a mall girl
playing pretend
in your bed
you first kissed me there
under a may sky
you first touched me there
with nothing but your walls watching
you made love to me there
with the blue screen glowing
and we whispered to each other
as if the animals on your walls
could hear us
we dreamed as if we were actually
in the sky
Charlotte Jun 2013
boys boys boys boys boys
boys boys boys boys boys boys boys
boys boys boys boys boys
649 · Apr 2013
No Peace In Pieces
Charlotte Apr 2013
to yearn for my darling
is to be free of everyday turmoil
the wanting, waiting, wondering
becomes much more meaningful
than the endless abhorrence
of everyday life
my loathing becomes directed
towards the miles between us
as if we are two pieces
of a long forgotten puzzle
scattered on separate sides
of the surface
attempting to piece ourselves together
falling to the floor
with only the slightest whisper
in order to gain just one more inch
of closeness.
but puzzle pieces disconnected
are empty of meaning
and are doomed to be lost
under tables and cushioned chairs
648 · Dec 2013
snapshot
Charlotte Dec 2013
in a field of green
the bonfire burns bright
there are people everywhere
and your eyes see only me
friends gather 'round
the beer is getting warm
and i am beautiful
when i am in your arms
640 · Jan 2013
a smirk that lies
Charlotte Jan 2013
her brazen skin
comes around here
every once in awhile

her eyes like a snake's,
green and sly
seem to smile, all on their own

her body is supple
and inviting
open and waiting

they whisper about her
and her not so moral ways
and they wait in line
to use and abuse
and sneer
and go away

did you know that she craves love
as much as you do?
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