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Charlotte Feb 2014
i remember when we smiled
through the phones
and we wondered
what it'd be like
to hold each other close--
and it was such a far away dream
of a happiness
that i had never known
and when i saw you
standing
real and tall
your skin,
dark to my pale,
caressed the bracelets of scars
i wore as badges
of honor
and you held me
like i was something precious,
a feeling i'd never known
and it all just felt so real
and endless
and i closed my eyes wide
to all your faults
just to keep that feeling
for a little bit longer
and you smiled and held me
clinging to my skin and
to the thoughts
of a future
that we would never have
and now snippets pass before my eyes
of years later
like the snips upon my wrist
the same wrist that you kissed
the wrist that now
wears a bracelet of your name
etched into a scabbed memory
of screams and decay
of a once first love.
but there was still a day
where these carvings weren't real
and all that mattered was your eyes
finding mine
and for a moment
in your arms,
i was warm.
Charlotte Feb 2014
i broke your heart.
again
and again...
and again.
i broke your heart so shamelessly
and you took it like a man
and you cursed my name.
i came back
and you didn't let your heart sing
you didn't let your heart feel it
not for awhile.
but when you let me in,
god, did you let me in.
your trust was intoxicating
and i took full advantage.
but it was never love.
that was long gone,
lost so many winters ago.
i said goodbye
stiff-backed and determined, and
you waited 'til i turned my back
to wipe your tears away
because you have a silent pride
that i can never touch.
i know you would answer
if i came back again
and that is why
i never will.
because i know you would answer
and i know that i would leave
again.
Charlotte Feb 2014
the sun stroked my back
the same way you did.
we smiled shyly, and
i craved you so endlessly
for awhile.
you were my summer lover
a dream made
in the heat of the moment.
a dream made
out of the misery
of my endless winter.
you were my summer lover
and summer is over.
Charlotte Feb 2014
i realize now
that when adults believe that
teenagers are kidding themselves,
believing they're in pain, that they're in love
i realize now
that adults are just trying
to condescend them
trying to cover up
that they can't remember how it felt
to be seventeen
and young forever
Charlotte Feb 2014
i am alone
and that is all i ever am
and no one will hold me

you caressed me with your words
you lured me in
you broke me

i don't know what to do now
you lured me in with promises
that lie broken on the floor

i'm going to leave you.
Charlotte Feb 2014
you don't know.
you think that was fighting?
you think that was passion?
lies, all lies
all teenage flirting
that was nothing compared to
the heat that i've known
the pain that i've known
when it comes to
loving someone.
you think those little insults
were mean?
you know nothing of me
and what i have done for love
and what love has done
to me.
Charlotte Feb 2014
i'm going to leave
and he won't know
i've been planning it for months
and he hasn't even noticed
when i do leave
he'll be so surprised
he'll pace through the house
still not seeing
the writing on the walls
that's been there for months
i'm leaving
to find someone
who will take my pencil
as soon as i start writing
about leaving
and kiss me instead
crying out
"Please, don't go."
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