As this year inches closer to the end,
I figured it was moving to the starting line instead.
The end marks the start;
Moving backwards enables one to see a larger view hence finding the direction of the final destination.

Indeed 'twas a year full of worry,
Haunting nights and lonely days.
But through it all with my Saviour's grace,
I've made it all the way.

When time has finally reached the destination that humans have marked out — 1/1/2014,
I want to say goodbye to me.
I'll start anew,
AWAKENED by the love of Christ.

I am only but human
Enclosed by 4 walls.

Once, these walls were miles away
Akin the earth from the Milky Way.
I had no restrains;
like a bird in the vast blue sky,
Like a fish in the water body of earth.

As years passed
The walls closed in,
Restraining and constricting
But never impeding tasked errands.

Recently however,
No matter where I turn,
My head hits solid walls and bruises.
But that's still fine I guess,
For the sky I still can see.

Now though,
A new wall seems to be spiraling down from above
Passing down from one hand to another.
Air that's coming in is thinning,
I'm suffocating.

I wonder which last pair of hands this wall would feel
For I am only but human.

After 12 midnight when everyone's asleep
That's your most conscious moment.

Morning:
Drunk on insecurities,
Busy putting up strong fronts and fake smiles.
Answering with slight twists whenever a personal question that might potentially break down your wall is asked.

Afternoon:
Weary from pretense but yet desperately holding on.
Having slight slip ups whenever no one is looking.

Night:
Walls crumple and demons are set free.
The mind is free from all restrains.


You begin to see things more clearly despite being in the dark.
But yet the demons which were also let loose continues to blind you each time you realize the stupidity of yourself.

Vicious cycle that can't be broken,
You broke yourself into pieces instead.

I'm desperately trying to push those currents of history
And kick down monsters
Because I want to stay afloat.

Kids learning swimming at the age of 7
Would all tell you treading water is the easiest
And most basic skill for swimming.
It keeps you alive.

But their swimming teachers didn't tell them this:
When swimming in the vast life ocean,
Not knowing where shore is or having anyone near you,
Treading water becomes an immensely tough thing to do.
Your legs get tired, Your arms sore,
Yet not reaching shore
Hence unable to stop.

The easiest thing to do is never treading water,
But letting water fill your system.
Let it reunite with the water which consists 70% of your own body;
Let go.

But it's suicide.

(c.c)

Poetically uninspired
With no means of inspiration
Leaves one exasperated.

No way to perform
To let loose those words
Tightly sealed within the deeps of one's own hell – the mind.

Without inspiration
Comes no exhalation
Of the bubbling fumes that was bound to ruin
All frames of sort that one could ever find.

Wait...
was that the last breath?

(c.c)

Sleeping in;
Waking up when the sun nestles itself comfortably in the middle of its trajectory.
Sipping coffee with a *******,
Book in tow.
This is what life's meant to be like.

Staying up;
Awfully sober when the moon reflects light from the sun in attempt to cover up it's imperfections.
Laying in bed with a finished book,
Voices in head.
"What's the meaning of life?" I question.

Vicious cycle;
Riding up and down the tracks of high and lows,
No breaks in-between to inhale life-sustaining oxygen.
Stuck in a rut,
Indecisive if life's great or life *****.

(C.C)