You can be so arrogant sometimes it astounds me. The way in which you can casually dismiss those that love you, not even acknowledging the presence of those that long to be close...

And still I love you, we love you, the world loves you. That what's so infinitely frustrating isn't it?  That you have all these charms, abilities, powers, and you let us know, you let us feel inferior. But thats not your fault is it? That we feel intimidated around you. If we could ask, if we could say, what do you think of us? What might you reply? Would you throw you head back and laugh? No. Some might think you would but I know you better then that. You'd say you're human. That you're scared too. That at times you feel only as powerful as the weakest of entities , that you know how it feels to be afraid.

You're love and lust for life is incredible, you even surprise me after all these years. Few people know just how grateful your are to be alive. That every time you open you're eyes, every time you inhale you're grateful... Few people know that you have an overwhelming loving energy, and it scares you. That you try to **** it with drugs and alcohol, scared it might consume you, bringing about uncontrollable laughter or tears. Few people know how you long to be close, how you want to smile at them, hug them, touch them........but don't.

How you'd rather face a man with a knife then rejection. How being unwanted is something you've grappled with you're whole life. Few people know you've carried the scars of you're best friends death for the past 6 months everyday.

No one knows you've hated you're intelligence. That the burden of knowing consumes you. Knowing how your step dad threaten to **** himself, knowing that you're mother tried to **** herself. That if she hadn't put down that note you wouldn't even be here. Knowing you're the product of a drug addict and a girl rebelling against her family. No one knows that you have no one to hold and hold you. Someone, with which you can be weak and sink into away from a world that has given you nothing but tough love.

Thats harmed you, stabbed you,starved you.

But know this, the world turns and the day will come when you will never settle for less,
the day will come when you stand strong and confident in your own skin,
the day will come when you emerge as a lion defending those that love you against the world,
the day will come once again when you love freely,

Know that light pierces dark,
the individual can conquer,
that to be a man is to be honest, responsible, and caring, not a stereotype,
know that you were made for a reason
know that you're scars will heal,
and more  than anything else know that,
i know,
that all this will come to pass beyond a reasonable doubt

because I......am you

If only I could thank you for everything that you helped me with,
If only I could apologise for allowing my pride to make me act against you,
I don't know what stops me,
Actually I do.
                            FEAR.....
Fear that I'll reveal what is in my heart, and fear that you'll brush it off.

A life long lived is a life filled with nothing but emptiness,
A life well lived is a life filled with exotic wilderness.
A life complete is a life well nourished,
A life with love is a life filled with fresh water.
A life with joy s a life filled with intoxicating perfumes of fresh flowers,
A life filled with expeditions is a life filled with hope.
A life filled with hope is a life well lived,
A life filled with graciousness is a life filled with extravagances.
A life filled with mercy is a life filled with joy.
A life filled with extravagances is a life filled with expeditions.
A life filled with fresh water is a life filled with graciousness.
A life lived in an exotic wilderness is a life that is complete.
A life that is well nourished is a long life that is filled with fulfilment.

Nobody teaches you how to react when you are woken up by the people you live with as they are screaming obscenities at each other.
Nobody teaches you how to defend your mom against the one she chose to marry and his demeaning words, full of hatred and anger.
Nobody teaches you how to tell the phone operator what is happening while also trying to stop the tears that continue to pour from your already burning eyes.
Nobody teaches you how to pry a 45 year old from a 14 year old or how to stay safe until the police arrive at your house.
Nobody teaches you how to convince your brother to come back inside after running away into the cold, December winds in order to protect himself.
Nobody teaches you how to quickly and efficiently pack your belongings into three small bags when your home life escalates from bad to worse to hell-on-earth.
Nobody teaches you how to tell your friends that you will not be coming back to school.
And nobody teaches you how to survive when you are no longer welcome to live at the place you once called home.

Nobody taught me how to react when I was woken up by the people I lived with as they were screaming obscenities at each other.
I was not aware that standing outside my bedroom door – with every limb of my body cemented into place and stricken with fear, unable to move or even breathe, let alone defuse the situation – was worthy of being verbally attacked.
I did not know what to do when actions were required.

Nobody taught me how to defend my mom against the one she chose to marry and his demeaning words, full of hatred and anger.
I could not think of the right words to say to put an end to
the hysteria in which my mom was continuously put down and verbally spat upon.
I could not think of the right steps to take to ensure she would no longer fall victim to words that did not accurately describe her worth.
I did not know how to defend my own mother.

Nobody taught me how to tell the phone operator what was happening while also trying to stop the tears that continued to pour from my already burning eyes.
I did not know how to breathe properly - in and out, in and out - or how to put my words into coherent sentences or how to listen to what I was being told from the operator and my mom and the cacophony of other voices that were piercing my ears with every uttered sound or how to recall my name, age, and address.
I did not know how to make a simple phone call.

Nobody taught me how to pry a 45 year old from a 14 year old or how to stay safe until the police arrived at my house.
I never before had to witness the strength that adrenaline causes a scrawny, teenage boy to possess.
I never before had to witness the deranged sight of a pair of eyes when they are locked onto your only brother, waiting and wanting to hurt him in more ways than one.
I never before had to witness and endure the way in which seconds seem to last hours when waiting for the police to bring safety and an end to the nightmare that had become real life.
I did not know how to escape the paralyzing effect of pure, unfathomable fear.

Nobody taught me how to convince my brother to come back inside after running away into the cold, December winds in order to protect himself.
I did not realize that sometimes letting my younger brother run away from home is the best thing to do.
I did not realize that sometimes the police agree that you should not chase after kids who run away.
I did not realize that sometimes he would rather be cold than bruised.
I did not know how fast a person could run when he is scared.

Nobody taught me how to quickly and efficiently pack my belongings into three small bags when my home life escalated from bad to worse to hell-on-earth.
I could not differentiate between what items were wants and what items were needs, what items I needed to live and what items I needed to survive.
I could not differentiate between the voice of the police telling me to “hurry up” and the voice in my head telling me “you aren't going fast enough.”
I did not know how to move out.

Nobody taught me how to tell my friends that I will not be coming back to school.
I cannot absorb the questions that I am relentlessly asked: Yes, I am okay; No, I don't know what's going to happen; Maybe I will be able finish out the week.
I cannot absorb the look of disbelief and confusion in the eyes of my closest friends and even those who I can only call acquaintances.
I do not know how to leave my friends.

Nobody is teaching me how to survive since I am no longer welcome to live at the place I once called home.
I was not aware how quickly feelings can, and do, change from acceptance to rejection.
I could not think of what was going through my mom's head as she and her children were mercilessly attacked with both sentences and strength.
I did not know how to talk to the 9-1-1 dispatcher when my words were so desperately needed.
I never before had to witness such deep animosity within one household.
I did not realize that sometimes words hurt just as much as sticks and stones.
I could not differentiate between the sounds of stomping feet and the sounds of police banging on the door.
I cannot absorb the fact that I am not allowed to go back to the place I lived for four years.
*I do not know what to do.

Are you another shooting star that draws my attention to you as you skip upon the horizon?
Announcing your arrival as you enter earths atmosphere with a sizzling sound like waves crashing upon a shelly shore.
Are you another shooting star bringing a glimpse of white light as you flare up as you bounce upon the layers of the ozone?
Bringing a sense of joy as you quickly pass by, leaving behind only a memory of you as you disappear in the darkness of the night.
Oh how I wish I could go out and find you.
Find the place where you collided into the surface of the earth.
On the outside you appear as a burnt rock worthy of nothing but perhaps enough to skip on the face of still water.

But what a fool I would be, to toss something like you away.
A special black rock that holds secrets within.
To us, you bring other worldly treasures that no other can compare to on this little planet of ours.
This time I'm not going to throw you away,
But I'm going to treasure you the way you ought to be.
Remembering the way you entered my view with your flame of light.

Towns become empty shells
Hollow shops where nothing sells
Everyone becomes trapped inside
Safer indoors where you can hide
Endless problems with job insecurity

Too many looking work in obscurity
Rich keep taking from the poor
Often they still come looking for more
Unemployed battle just to survive
Battled and down but still alive
Lodging in shelter with the rats
Even if politicians live like fat cats
Decay in a country that was proud

Today and tomorrow, the same black cloud
Innocent and guilty live together
Meeting in clusters lasting forever
Everywhere you turn the future is gone
Stranded like some long forgotten song