this life is based on impermanence
i'm flailing through the sea of screens that demand attention
my eyesight is wasted on things that don't exist
and my thoughts are plagued by lies
that block the words of my surroundings

i won't remember much
this life is based on fleeting pleasures
i'm willingly sacrificing my mind
to a soulless machine

society is built upon a parallel universe
meant to close the boundaries between us
but it seems that it deepens the gap that exists
with those that are on our either shoulder

i may not be completely brainwashed yet i'm struggling to find the clean air

i may be "real"...

     but i sure as hell don't know what i want

Depression is being so tired every minute of every day
that finding the energy to get out of bed is taxing.
Depression is not wanting to be around people you know you love
because the thought of explaining how you are really doing is heartbreaking.
Depression is drowning in an ocean of your thoughts
while everyone around you scolds you because you should ‘know how to swim.’
Depression is being so confused as to why you feel the way you do
because everyone declares that happiness is a choice you have to choose to make.
Depression is avoiding even looking in the mirror
because you’ve surpassed the point of self-hate.
Depression is being stranded on an island and having the tools to signal for help
but not being able to read the language of the instructions on the label.
Depression is being surrounded by people who love you
but feeling completely alone and unloved.

and still i wonder what it takes to be better...

I can hear your back crack,
in the dark.
Removing your underwear
with chewed fingernails:
You softly ask
if we can share scar tissue
and if I'll stay
despite every issue.

You try to kick the covers
off of our bed,
and ask if we can share the thoughts
buzzing inside of your head.

When insomnia erases your eyes
and disease steals your brain:
You inhale ways to die,
because you still dream
but it's not the same.

I can hear the static in your skull.
I know why you keep
the kitchen knives dull.
You pull on my fingers
so I don't forget you.
You cry on the pillows
and hope I like romance too.

I kiss your temple
during each thunderstorm.
I read you books in bed,
because your eyes are worn.
I put my ear to your chest
because I want you to see
that the air you breathe
means everything to me.

my mind is enveloped within clouds
everything reaches me through a clouded veil

not present on earth; i'm not like all of you
speech is forced and muscle contractions carefully controlled

i don't understand, and i feel so separate, i can't find myself
and you all just laugh while i'm slowly floating away

lately i don't want to be anywhere near the ground
i'll come to terms with my eyelids kissing the raindrops