Away forever
Forever a disappearance
Im still looking for you
Are you hiding
Im still running for you
Is it hide and seek
Trying to unto the pain of sorrow
I dont think im ever going to accept what shouldnt have happened
It doesnt feel real
I wish it wasnt real
Are you still here?
Im vulnerable;
My mind is telling me your still here
Like you were here yesterday, today, and will be tomorrow;
Im only lying to myself
But thats what it feels like
Looking at a picture,
With your face thats inside.
I feel like im face to face with you
Just talking like it was before
I reach out and touch you
I reach out and kiss you
I reach out and hug you
But the paper is gently put back
And then you stare with the eyes you once had
The family you once had
Were here but your there
If i cut you out of the frame,
Will you come back
I thought God was powerful
But he doesnt use me
Your alive
Only in my heart
Only in my dreams
I wanna close my eyes forever

Inside my mind,
Im fighting my fears
And im trying to ignore all the negativity
Inside my mind,
Im lost & confused
And im trying to myself again
Inside my mind,
Im struggling to breathe
And i cannot control my anxiety
Inside my mind,
Im finding every mood difficult
And i cannot keep it in anymore
Unable to express myself
Im quiet inside my head
And my whole image is buried within me
I lock myself in
I throw the keys out
And then i knock on my body to see if i can come out
And then im silent
I dont move
I dont move
And then im stuck
The feeling of a zipper is going through my body as i try to climb out
My body is caught inside
Now im trapped
What do i do now
Im screaming and noone hears me
Im struggling and noone sees me
I will have to drown myself to get air
I drown myself in tears to explain my anger
On floor i fall
And on the floor i tear
Tears of a broken soul
Tears of a bruised heart
Tears of a strong mind that bursted into water
As a tear falls,
It turns into a picture
An explanation is finally forced out through the mouth
Questions asked
Questions answered
Just look down
I cried to draw pictures
I cried to finally come out
Now save me from drowning

I lived with weakness
I lived with fear
I lived with anxiety
I wanted it all to disappear
I lived angry
I lived depressed
I lived violent
My head was always a mess
I lived with nightmares
I lived with evil
I lived with darkness
I couldnt talk to people
I lived tortured
I lived scared
I lived negative
I lived intoxicating
I lived bruising
I lived bleeding
I chose to abuse me
I lived fighting
I lived crying
I lived screaming
Felt like i was dying
I already sat and drank
I already lay down to cry
I already ran and screamed
I already heard and saw all the lies
I already fought evil
I already played with my fears
I already battled my nightmares
But then i had to face the mirror
I already struggled to breathe
I already felt all the moods squeezing my body
I already made myself bleed
And all the memories are still with me
I went through it all
I felt it all
I witnessed it all
And now i numbed it all
I got comfortable with the pain

Im feeling pounding
Im feeling tension
Im feeling strangulation of my brain
Im feeling dizziness
Im feeling sore
Im feeling chains wrapped around my soul
Im feeling pressured
Im feeling used
Im feeling nightmares all over my dreams
Im feeling angry
Im feeling depressed
Im feeling my moods are being created in my head
Im feeling that i cannot breathe
Im feeling that i cannot speak
Im feeling my body is breaking down
Im feeling cut
Im feeling bruised
Im feeling my skin is ripping through my clothes
Im feeling drained
Im feeling mistreated
Im feeling nothing else but the repetitive pain thats being played from my mind over and over again

What is happening
Because i stopped
Im watching everyone; everything move
But im very still
My heart is cold
My mind has flooded
My blood has stopped pumping
I stopped breathing
My body is going to break to pieces once the ice melts on my bones
I have forgotten who i am
But i see a darkness coming my way
Am i being dragged back to who i once was
I am not prepared
But im unable to talk;
Unable to breathe;
Unable to see
But I can only see whats going to happen
How do i save myself
My tears arent melting myself
They make it worse by freezing over
I want to get out
Im suffocating inside myself
I wanna move but im being held down somehow
I wanna refresh my memory,
But i cannot remember
How do i know what is happening
From now on im being lied to
My mind is beginning to confuse me all over again
What is a blade and how does it work
What is alcohol and will it quench my thirst
What is this red liquid inside my body and does it come out
What is this air in my lungs and will it stay inside my mouth
What is warmth and is it the fire thats burning me inside all over again

I tried to cover my wounds because i used a weapon towards myself
But i kept bleeding
I tried to fix myself because i was broken
But i couldnt attach myself
I broke even more
And then i shattered
Then i tried to find my pieces
But they all got blown away
Ive searched for myself
But my pieces were gone
I kept bleeding
And then i had dizziness
But the pain all went away
Unattached; but attached to the pain i give myself
Im shattered;
But i rather not find myself
When i do, im fighting an enemy from years ago
The puddles that i bleed allowed me to faint inside my nightmares
When there was no more pain
I wanted to feel pain again;
To feel the piercing once again
The blades against my breathing allow relaxation into my body once again
I only breathe when i hyperventilate
And thats how i learned to breathe once again
I chase my fears
I manipulate my fears
I run from my fears
But then i give into my fears
My mind chases me
My mind manipulates me
My mind finds me
Because ive slowed down
My heart creeps what it fears
My mind captures what it wants
I wanted both
And now im addicted
I wanna fight again
To feel the pain once again
Unleashing my conscience once again
My mind tricked me once again
Its a crave for fear;
A crave for darkness
The light blinded me because im tamed
I wanna fight my fears once again
I wanna fight without no help
I wanna get off the life support im inhaling into my body
I wanna face myself one more time
& see myself win against myself
Will i be strong
Will i become weak
I want to breathe in poison and fight it one more time
And now i wanna completely empty
With the drug forgetting me
Am i going to struggle
Am i going to hurt myself once again

To feel, but not to see
To be blind, means not knowing who you are
The mirror that showed,
But now it hides.
And now i run
And now im the one who hides
I look at my body, mind and soul.
But without a reflection,
I cannot see who i really am
And so i hide;
Day by day.
The fears inside of me increase as i walk towards myself
It knows im trying to run
Across from myself i choke;
Across from myself i cannot breathe;
Across from myself i find out who and what i really am
When i look through,
I want to smash it
And then when i walk away,
Im stabbing myself in the back
So then i bleed as the mirror breaks
Piece by piece;
Im cutting myself with the glass thats reflects my mind, body, and soul
My vocal cords snap as i try to speak to myself
And when im silent, the mirror reveals the truth that i dont wanna hear
And so i move;
It controls my every step
And so i speak;
It controls my every word
And when i look;
It controls what i dont wanna see
It doesnt lie
It doesnt break
But it breaks when i want to look and scream
When i scream it shatters
& then i shatter within my reflection
My reflection reveals
Revealing the past present and future
I can no longer hide
It finds me
And even though it doesnt move;
It moves me through the invisible chains that drag me