To feel, but not to see
To be blind, means not knowing who you are
The mirror that showed,
But now it hides.
And now i run
And now im the one who hides
I look at my body, mind and soul.
But without a reflection,
I cannot see who i really am
And so i hide;
Day by day.
The fears inside of me increase as i walk towards myself
It knows im trying to run
Across from myself i choke;
Across from myself i cannot breathe;
Across from myself i find out who and what i really am
When i look through,
I want to smash it
And then when i walk away,
Im stabbing myself in the back
So then i bleed as the mirror breaks
Piece by piece;
Im cutting myself with the glass thats reflects my mind, body, and soul
My vocal cords snap as i try to speak to myself
And when im silent, the mirror reveals the truth that i dont wanna hear
And so i move;
It controls my every step
And so i speak;
It controls my every word
And when i look;
It controls what i dont wanna see
It doesnt lie
It doesnt break
But it breaks when i want to look and scream
When i scream it shatters
& then i shatter within my reflection
My reflection reveals
Revealing the past present and future
I can no longer hide
It finds me
And even though it doesnt move;
It moves me through the invisible chains that drag me

The thoughts that got created
The thoughts that craved ******
The thoughts that used the mind
The thoughts that finally hurt her
Negative creativity,
From inside the mind
The craving to hurt
I was taken advantage of,
And it was from deep inside
Bruising thoughts, i knew it was going to happen
Wounded heart, i poked through my own soul
Bleeding skin, i pierced through my own body
Painful shadow, my colours disappeared and replaced with the darkness
& when my mind put pressure on me, i became weak;
So i broke my own body
I was scared,
So i shut off the lights to anxiety
I was hyperventilating,
So i choked myself so i couldnt breathe
I was depressed,
So i drowned myself in my own tears
I stopped talking to everyone,
So i made myself alone
I began to drink,
So i drank myself to sleep
My thoughts of harm,
So i sinned and killed myself
My time of punishment is forever;
With pain of memories & suffering
My time of punishment is forever;
With the drug thats finally taming me

When i was deaf, i heard the lies
When i was mute, i screamed and noone heard
When i was blind, i saw what i shouldnt have seen
When i was numb, i felt all the pain
When i couldnt breathe, i took in poison
When i couldnt walk, i was running towards fear
When i couldnt sleep, my life was a nightmare
When i wasnt happy, my enjoyment was danger
When i pushed people away, i allowed evil to replace their spots
When i was alone, the devil was my company
When i was sober, i drank myself to sleep
When i was anxious, my worries continued
When my moods were out of control, the mirror was my enemy
When i was able to hear, i believed everything
When i was able to talk, everyone bad-mouthed me
When my eyes were opened, everyone disappeared
When i gained feeling, i got used to the pain
When i was able to breathe, i needed to find air
When i was able to walk, the path had been broken
When i was able to sleep, i couldnt make a dream
When i was relaxed, the knife showed me how
When the people i pushed away came back, i was being ignored
When i had company, the devil wouldnt leave
When i stopped drinking, my memories had faded
When i was finally stable,
The mirror shattered
And my mind got bored & started again

When i tried to walk, i fell
When i tried to breathe, i choked
When i tried to speak, i was strangled
When i tried to hear, my ears rang
When i tried to see, my vision went blurry
When i tried to move, i chipped a piece of my body
Stored as an object,
I used myself for punishment
Stored as a toy,
I played with my fears
Stored as a robot,
I was controlled by my mind
Slowly i broke
Quickly i became different
Slowly i was accepting what was hidden deep inside me
Quickly i just had to escape from myself
My mind was strong
My heart was weak
My mind was manipulative
My heart was naive
I learned how to deal
But it was the dangerous way
I learned how to be calm
But it was a risk i had to take
I learned how to ignore
But in a way that noone noticed
I learned the way of evil
I learned a different way to appear
Days to weeks to months to years
Finally i had enough
It took many to convince me
It took one to finally change me
It took myself to break free
I killed the devil within me
Now i see
Now i breathe
Now i speak
Now i hear
Now i move
Now i run
Now i finally see the sun
Now im happy
Now im stable
Now im loving
Now im able
Now im free
Now i dont need help
Now i no longer abuse myself
Im one piece again

A bad influence
A crazy person
She changed and everything broke down
Mind of torture
Heart; shattered
Body; beaten
Life; she wanted to end
Who was she;
That let herself in
And the one she trusted, was the one deep within
The one she trusted
The one she met
Is the one who stabbed her in the back
I opened my heart
She tore it right out
I opened my strength
She gave me weakness
I opened my happiness
She gave me depression
I opened my calmness
She gave me anger and anxiety
I opened my dreams
She gave me nightmares
I showed my eyes
She scratched them out
I showed my ears
She plugged them up
I showed my throat
She made me hyperventilate
I showed my body
She made me become violent
I showed my skin
She gave me a knife
My eyes saw only darkness
My ears heard only lies
My throat was always strangled
My body was never fine
The darkness lead to fear
The lies lead to being gullible
The strangulation kept me silent
My broken body was enabled
What do you do when your friend turns on you
And what if your friend was your mind
And that noone knew

It wants to move
But the mind wants it to freeze
It wants to talk
But the mind wants to be mute
It wants to hear
But the mind wants to ignore
It wants to see
But the mind wants to be blind
It wants happiness
But the mind wants depression
It wants to escape
But the mind makes it a prisoner
It wants to run
But the mind wants to make it stop
It wants strength
But the mind creates weakness
It wants change
But the mind wants to stay the same
It wants freedom
But the mind wont let it escape
It wants to yell for help
But the mind blocks the sound
It wants to reach out
But the mind creates a cage
It wants to open the door
But the mind puts on a lock
It wants to forget
But the mind brings back torture
It wants to remember
But the mind erases the positive
It wants to close the wounds
But the mind forces them to stay open
I want it all to stop once and for all
But my mind is not letting go
I want peace
But the mind wants me fight
And so i continue the fight
Because I havent won yet

I close my eyes and see the past
Im taken away into the pain once again
It strikes me one more time
So my fears have returned and unlocked my door
Undoing my progress,
Its ruining my strength
Undoing my happiness,
Its ruining my moods
Undoing my past,
Its bringing me back
Walking then suddenly stopped,
Its blocking my path to move
Now it created a maze for me figure out and get hurt
Running then suddenly pushed,
On the floor now i cannot move
Forced to stay down in chains;
Now the mind is ready to work
A movie in front of me is placed
For me to cry through it all
Now its a never ending story,
Now im watching myself fail
Its pushing me to where i started
To remember and repeat my mistakes
Its pushing me to when i was weak
Now my strength is remembering where it died
Its pushing me to when i didnt listen
Now im ignoring my heart again
Its pushing me to when i was drug-free
To when my mind was always in control
Its pushing me to repeat
For my body to give in one more time
The maze is over but everything looks the same
Now im back where i started;
Im in the dark once again