They dont release themselves from my mind.
The good ones,
The bad ones;
Both force tears out of my eyes.
& when I used to wish;
I couldnt wait to be older,
Now I wish,
That I had stayed younger.
Flashbacks never fail.
Faces never disappear.
The whispers inside my head never stop.
I can & never will move forward in my life.
The walls are movie theatres;
Everywhere I turn,
Something is playing from the past.
The floors are ice;
I fall for every mistake I've made.
I release so much anger.
I release so much guilt.
I release so much confusion.
& I keep connecting with the past.
& I keep disconnecting with the present.
& I keep fearing the future.
I want to undo this pain;
To reconnect with myself again.
But my mind is in one spot.
Im unable to continue.
I cannot move forward.

Behind the pain,
Im trapped in a corner.
They are getting inside my head.
They are getting to my body.
They are eating away at my strength,
& feeding my weaknesses.
With no control,
My blood is boiling from the fears thats being brought to me.
I feel as though Im choking,
Everything is just pushing up against me.
My heart is cracking,
With the blood escaping.
My dizziness appears to tire me out,
When Im gasping for air.
Im so blind,
Because everything is just throwing me around all at once.
I cant control anything anymore.
Its too much to handle.
Silence has grown;
It finally speaks the truth.
But when I need help,
The noise just dies down again.
The problems are piercing me.
The people are piercing me.
The mirror is piercing me.
My mind is piercing me.
Everything around me is piercing me.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im left dizzy & confused.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im only left to drown in the puddles.
Trying to bleed everything,
But Im left shaking.
Trying to bleed everything out,
But Im being manipulated;
With more pain.
A million times,
Im being stabbed.
The thorns are sinking deeper & deeper inside my skin.
Making sure I stop seeing.
Making sure I stop hearing.
Making sure I stop speaking.
Making sure I stop breathing.
& everywhere I turn,
They come for me;
Just piercing me.
Allowing me not to think.
Allowing me not to move.
They undid the comfort around me.
They did the damage within me.
They forced out the blood inside me.
I have these holes in my body,
That can never be healed.

The roses revealed such a wild scent;
It made us relax,
Before we got excited.
& it was so quiet.
Our hands did all the talking in silence.
Our clothes ended up ****** our souls.
Our minds just forced our bodies on eachother.
It was just too easy to give in.
The air was like piercing thorns,
That allowed us to bleed sweat upon eachother.
The walls were yelling down to the floor.
The floor was yelling up to the bed,
To take us in.
The bed finally answered after watching our eyes,
Stare with strong excitement.
Teasing our bodies.
Teasing our minds.
The bed was calling to get blessed.
The bed had the jaws of a shark,
Waiting to pull us in.
My body was suddenly carried;
His arms were forced to touch me.
And then I was saved;
As the bed catches my body,
As Im thrown down.
I felt the air from his mouth to my ear.
His whispers were no secrets.
His responses left me no choice;
Theres no turning back.
My whispers were answering back to him;
I gave my body to him.
Ripped from our bodies,
Our clothes were tossed on the floor from eachothers hands.
Our skin was finally revealed through the air.
& it became so hot.
The walls cracked.
The floor broke.
The bed got beaten.
It must have been a sin,
Because it felt so good.
It must have been wrong,
Because we couldnt stop.
Your starvation for my body,
I fed you.
My dehydration for your body,
You quenched my thirst.
All the tension,
All the weakness,
All the strength,
All the energy,
Was released onto the bed.
& it was drenched with sweat.
& it was ***** with our bodies.
& it was beaten with our hands.
& it was completed with pleasure.
The strength within you.
Showed me what you were about.
The strength within me,
Showed you what I was about.
The energy between us,
Stripped the room with great pleasure of ****** activity.
The innocence of the bed has been finally broken with guilt.
& the sheets were brutally shattered.
It was so dark.
But so light to see what had happened.

Lets do some damage.
Lets cause a disaster.
Let us finally undo ourselves after locking the door behind us.

The look in your eyes,
Will bring me closer.
And my eyes are weakened;
Because the strength inside you,
Will give you the energy to pull me to you in silence.
My body;
Inside a glass container,
That you have broken through the air,
To get to me.
Your body;
Was so distant behind the curtains,
Until I ripped through to you.
Your grip on my hips,
Holds for just a second.
The opening of my pants,
Appears at your fingers' attention.
And then you whisper,
"Your innocence will soon be taken."
And then my response bounced back;
"It was taken so long ago.
Im not an amateaur.
I know how to perform."
Bring yourself close.
Bring yourself on top.
Just indent my lips with yours.
& dont make it passionate.
Dont go soft.
In the end your lips will bleed.
I want our hearts to beat a different rhythm.
I want our breathing to be ready for a race.
The kiss that will lead to a touch.
The touch that will lead to ***.
I wanna start kissing.
Ripped from my body,
My clothes suddenly became invisible.
Your hands acted like scissors;
In my mind,
Everything is so shattered.
There is no turning back.
And with so much force,
The bed catches me,
As you push me down.
Your hands suddenly wonder.
& your clothes are suddenly removed.
Let our minds take control.
Lets make our bodies turn colours.
My body leans on you.
Your body pulls me closer.
Now things will start to get heated up.
Are you insured?
Because we need to have coverage,
For the damage we're about to create.
The walls suddenly push our bodies with so much force.
Our eyes stab eachother so deep;
As they lock tight,
With the seriousness on our faces.
We are eachothers lessons;
We need to learn.
Our energy gets warmed up.
The power within you are secrets to show me.
The power within me are secrets to respond to you
I wanna start.
In silence,
My hands are hostage with yours.
Because Im held down so tightly.
Your lips pressing.
Your lips indenting on my neck.
Suddenly the bruises of proof showed itself.
Pierced with your mouth.
Pierced with your teeth.
One spot after another;
Like a leopard's skin,
You have marked me.
The first set of hickeys.
I want you to release me.
Unlock your hands from mine.
I want you to move out of my way,
Because this excitement is making me crazy.
"Dont talk,"
He says.
"Just relax,"
He continues.
Your hands appear tighter around me.
Finally,
My bellybutton is touched from inside my body.
Your suddenly deaf as Im screaming;
Deeper.
Harder.
Faster.
When you make sure my wrists had been marked;
The redness;
That was made while you squeezed me so tight with your strong hands.
You finally let go.
My hands suddenly wonders across your back.
My fingers move with so much pressure,
So much strength,
So much force,
As I make these marks.
Like a tiger's skin,
My nails scratch your whole body;
Up & down your back.
& you start bleeding,
As you try to control me.
I suddenly **** my up yours.
& with all the force I have,
Your pressured to be down.
Like a belly dancer without clothes,
Im performing a dance on top of you.
Its time for me to take charge.
The Kamasutra finally enters our minds.
The next step is for us to get created.
Positions force themselves into our naughty minds,
& into our bodies.
There is no such thing as the word "stop."
Through our skin,
We drown in our own sweat.
Through the mirrors,
Were covered in eachothers marks.
Through our bodies,
We've pleasured eachothers hunger.
The damage has been done.
What a beautiful disaster.
What beautiful pain.
What beautiful damage.

What is your mind telling you?
What are your eyes showing you?
Because I act like a ghost.
Noone understands me.
Noone knows me.
Noone sees me.
& when I talk,
It confuses you.
& when I whisper,
You cannot hear.
& when I yell,
You appear deaf.
Because you only see what you want,
I will never let anyone understand me.
Its too hard to go through every step.
Just continue to understand what you know & think.
Continue being so clueless.
Im just a mystery that you cannot solve.
Keep thinking;
I make you run your mind.
Keep searching;
You're brain keeps hurting.
Not even a microscope wont figure me out.
Im so distant.
So far away.
The sound of my voice leaves everyone so lost.
My body is the only one thats visible,
Because the soul within me hides.
Isnt it just frustrating,
When you want to know the truth?
But isnt it fun,
When you start the rumours?
I just put a block to everything & everyone.
I will never properly reveal myself.
Just keep trying.
Everyone needs to keep trying to find my soul.
Its so hidden behind all my fears,
& inside my mind.
The manipulations.
The lies.
The negative energy.
Never will I open up.
Never will I show my face.
Never will I get figured out.
Just everyone please,
Give up.
& I know what you think you see.
& I know what you think you heard.
& everyone thinks they are always right.
& everyone finally tries to get in my way.
I know what has been released through the walls.
Because the walls talk to me in silence;
Behind all you backs.
& this is the reason for my behaviour.
You think you see me,
But I really dont exist.

Leaving everything behind just for a moment,
This is the time to free my mind.
As I enter a world of amnesia,
I hope all the negativity never haunts me again.
Releasing all stress.
Releasing all anger.
Releasing all depression.
I push away all the problems,
To replace them all with distractions.
A time to run away.
A time to be distant.
A time to be unfocused.
A time to make mistakes.
A time to have fun.
Using the tools of pleasure,
I create a wall to block everything else out.
& when a new world gets created,
Im finally free.

The slow breathing,
Before the fast;
Until my body is shocked with the sudden reaction.
My mind that takes over my heart,
Will never learn to be controlled.
I will never know what it feels like to be relaxed.
Just to be unworried,
Fearless,
Brave,
& to trust.
& through the darkness,
The light appears dead in silence.
Only the sound of fear,
Plays in my head.
Only the sound of my breath,
When I try to gasp for air.
My mind pushes strong;
There is no limit.
My heart is pushed so far;
It works so hard.
& then the air within my body,
Cannot be controlled.
My breathing,
So hard.
So heavy.
So fast.
& Im at the point where I cannot breathe.
It feels so harsh,
So painful.
My body weakens.
My body is dizzy.
My fingers & toes are so numb as I shake.
It just feel like there is an earthquake.
Im unable to walk.
These attacks are controlling me.
& with the dehydration my body goes through,
The water that is finally taken into me,
Drowns me when I need the moisture.
Its so hard to think with confusion.
Its so hard to focus with distraction.
Its so hard to try and catch my breath,
When hyperventilation takes over.