Yesterday he said that we couldn't kiss or make love (and yeah, that's what I'm calling it). He said he wants to work on things with his girlfriend.
I don't think he remembers how five months ago he was miserable in this same relationship. And we kissed and I gave up and I stopped talking to him. And I stayed with my lover and he with his.
But my lover is no more and I want to be his. And he doesn't know if he's happy but he doesn't leave and I can't do anything except watch my heart break and hold out hope.
So I lay here, crying and waiting for somebody who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I don't know if thy exist but I have to try.
I can't play these games with him. I can't let him hold my heart if he's not sure what to do with it.
I want to be enough to take a risk for but I'm just me.  
I wonder if he's making love to her tonight.
I wish it were me.

When you look up at the sky tonight know that you are seeing an expanse that is no where near as wide as my love for you.
I may not know you. I love you. Tonight my heart is filled with ache and thoughts of you.
As I listen to my indie love songs all I hear is the story of our future. We will look back at our pasts and smile with reverence because it worked out. We found each other.
I am searching for you. High and low, far and wide. One day we will bump noses and realize. It's here.
You are lovely. Your lips are the sweetest thing I will ever taste and your body will be the best thing I ever collapse into.
I will fall into you like the sun into the darkness. I will drink you in like the richest latte I have ever tasted. I will soak up your love like the bubbles in my bath.
I will fall in love with every frustrating, intoxicating move that you make. I will both love and hate you and at times I may not know which. I will write far too much poetry about you so that one day future generations may fall in love with you too.
I do not know you but I love you to the depths of the seas and higher than the clouds. I am my lovers and they are mine. We are two broken hearts colliding. Fitting. We will find each other. I'm searching.

Tonight
I want
to fall
in love

To write of pain,
is to bring pain onto yourself

After you are bleeding on the floor
crawling to something
anything
that will take away
the heartbreak.
It is that exact moment.
As you whisper
Never again.
That is the moment love whispers
Come.
And crawling, broken, bruised.
You do

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.