Yesterday he said that we couldn't kiss or make love (and yeah, that's what I'm calling it). He said he wants to work on things with his girlfriend.
I don't think he remembers how five months ago he was miserable in this same relationship. And we kissed and I gave up and I stopped talking to him. And I stayed with my lover and he with his.
But my lover is no more and I want to be his. And he doesn't know if he's happy but he doesn't leave and I can't do anything except watch my heart break and hold out hope.
So I lay here, crying and waiting for somebody who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. I don't know if thy exist but I have to try.
I can't play these games with him. I can't let him hold my heart if he's not sure what to do with it.
I want to be enough to take a risk for but I'm just me.  
I wonder if he's making love to her tonight.
I wish it were me.