I watched my cousin throw a rock through that old barn window that stood on my grandma's property
The barn no longer contained an excited horse
It was gone
Along with her
The stone shattered the window to pieces
A representation that things change, so much so that they can never be put back together to look the same ever again
You will always see the cracks
I hated that moment, and i hated her for doing it
It was just a broken window so i never understood why it bothered me so much
Years later i realized it was because that window would never look the same, it wasn't a dream or a joke because it couldn't be undone
That stone symbolized the end of something irreplaceable

I am either too quiet or i say too much
I will give you everything I have or nothing at all
Balance was never my strong suit
So, when you showed up you can imagine my surprise
You took everything. The good and the bad
You made me feel again
You made me feel everything so strongly
Then you abruptly expected me to feel nothing at all

I have never considered myself to be a memorable character.
So, when you recognized me for the type of beer i drank and the place where i sat; i was caught completely off guard. In a situation i was uncomfortable with I did what i knew how to do.  I pounded back those beers. I made my nights so forgettable because i saw myself as the forgettable girl. The girl who is in love with people but somehow always meets the wrong ones.

I hung myself today. Hanged? Whatever, point is I hanged myself today and I'm still hanging.

I feel fine. Just bored. I keep hoping that someone will come home and cut me down but then I keep remembering that if i knew someone like that I wouldn't be up here. Bit ironic, right? Or is that not ironic? I read somewhere that, like, anything funny is, in some way, ironic. But I don't know if it's funny or not. I don't think my brain owns "funny," you know?

I feel taller. I like that.

I've never been away from my shadow for this long. It had always clung to my feet, parting momentarily for a quick dive into the swimming pool. But never for five hours. I like it. There's three feet of space between my two and the floor.

I wanted something this morning. I may be stuck. But at least I'm three feet closer to it.

" You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

“All you. Different incarnations of you.”

“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”