across or down
immense weight is carried
on this decision of direction

to be healed of insanity
temporarily or eternally

Drowning in a sea of gray
No way to feel
No tears to be shed
No laughter to ease the dullness
Nothing but gray

A hint a red breaks through
A way to feel
Something other than gray
Temptation is great
Suspense grow

Pick up the blade
The release you need
From the never ending gray
Blade to skin
Nothing to do now but fly

Red crashes through
Breaking down the wall of gray
Pain, relief, regret, shame
Feeling
Isn't that what you wanted?

Challenged by life
To keep breathing
When my greatest desire
Is to stop breathing

Challenged by people
To put on a smile
When shedding a tear
Would be simpler

Challenged by school
To care about my future
When the idea of a future
Makes me cringe in my seat

Challenged by society
To be thinner, prettier, better
When fat, ugly, and useless
Is what I really am

Finally, challenged by myself
To work harder and be perfect
When I know that the inevitable truth is
Failure at both

this uncertainty is frightening
but fleeting

because fading are the echos
of them telling us

how this is not right
but what do they know

about you and me
about right and wrong

for in this bed of secrecy
we still find truth in you and me

so I want you to ask
is this alright
just so I can say

Yes

The smell of coffee and black sharpie fill your senses
Dragging yourself out of bed, you wrap the sheet around your naked body
Your head hurts more with every movement, every thought.

The sticky note on the door
written in small, squished, boy-like writing
"I never promised you forever."

Thinkers
think & ***** up.
Doers
do & sometimes make it work.
Just turn off your brain and
let your heart
do the thinking.
It's most likely in
the right house anyways.

Soul Spit
Soul Script.
If worse comes to worse
at-least I have the ***** to find out.

When the smoke engulfs you,
smothers your lungs
cough cough splutter
and your head spins
in the indulge of pleassure
cough cough splutter
Swarmed by the rush of people
in Sydney minding their own business
walking these twisting streets
cough cough splutter
it's at that point that you realise
this is where you're supposed to be
who you're supposed to be
and what you're meant to do.

I flew into the storm
embracing fear
as the first lightning
struck the trees below.
fire broke out
and the rain fought it.
I was
drenched in fear
water
and electricity.
It was so beautiful
standing in the eye of the storm
considering if
marrying myself to nature
is a weird
and unacceptable movement.

The truth is;
You're bad,
You're a torture
i inflict on myself,
You're not healthy,
Bad, Horrible, Disgusting
But i miss you.

The fact is;
Despite what they say,
I still loved you.
You treated me better
than they ever knew.
You were so beautiful to me
and I loved you.